It happened - please help!

[LouiseMae]

Last night I was s* for the first time in 12 years. I don't know what to do. It happened, it was only a little bit and was nowhere near as bad as I had built it up to be in my head. This happened at 17.45 yesterday and it is now 12.38. It only happened once. I didn't eat anything last night but I had some dry cereal this morning. I'm absolutely terrified of it happening again. Everyone is saying that it's ok, the worst has happened and everything is fine, that I'm fine. It doesn't matter if it happens again. But it does to me. I don't know what to do, I'm absolutely petrified. I can't stop thinking about it and I've barely slept, I need to be doing something else I just start worrying more.

Also I don't know why it happened and this is stressing me out even more. I haven't eaten anything bad and I'm always really careful about food. I barely leave my flat and I've not been in contact with anyone that is ill (I've not had much face to face contact with anyone really). I don't know why it happened, and it just came out of nowhere. I was fine all day, I was actually having a pretty good day for me which is unusual, and then I just suddenly got a sharp pain in my stomach and got really hot and it happened. I had barely any warning, luckily I was already in the bathroom at the time.

I know logically that it's ok if it happens again, and that if it needs to happen it's better for it to not be in my body anymore. But it's driving me insane. I'm scared to eat, I'm scared to drink, I'm scared to sleep. I managed to take my tablets this morning though, which was an achievement I didn't think I would be able to do. I've been taking fluoxetine for 2 years now, but I've no idea whether it's helping me at all, but I'm terrified to miss a dose because I know that it can cause nasty withdrawal symptoms.

I don't know what I'm expecting, I know that there's nothing that any of you can do to help me, but I'm just so scared and no one understands why. Everyone's thinking that now I'll see it's not so bad and maybe I'll even be cured. But all I can feel with every fibre in my being is that I can't let it happen again.

[AndreaAndee]

Hi, so sorry about this...that's awful. I feel the same way you do. I want to know WHY it happened...and I don't ever think it wasn't that bad...glad you do to some extent. The important thing now is to not replay it over and over, keep your thoughts strong and positive, and just keep going. I know it's so hard to do. I always get caught up in thinking about it wayyy too much. Start with some "safe" foods you like and are comfortable with, and just go from there. Hope you are feeling better!! Also , do something really nice and relaxing for yourself too...hang in there!