Dealing with recovery

[cmsois]

I am currently in the process of recovering from this disorder which quite literally took over my life. I began having this fear at age 5 when I had a terrible virus and didn't understand what was happening to me. Now I am 18 years old and it has worsened over the course of my life, eventually becoming an eating disorder in high school. When I left for my first semester of college, I restricted myself to my dorm room and only ate around 500 calories a day. For those recovering from emet which has become an eating disorder, there are a lot of uncomfortable feelings that you must face. Since my body became used to very little food intake, my digestive system had atrophied and it didn't work as well as it used to. This led to a lot of uncomfortable feelings such as acid reflux and bloating. Also, as my blood sugar began to change, I experienced highs and lows throughout the day, and the changes often caused nausea. But the thought that helps me the most is that my body desperately wants to be stronger, and therefore wants to hold onto any nutrients it can. Why would it want to get rid of progress? Also, the nausea caused by changes in blood sugar rarely, if ever, leads to getting sick. I still have a long way to go, and I hope you will all have tips and remarks to add about your own treatment processes.

[Skyblue]

Hi I understand how you feel. I'm 17 and hoping to go to uni this year which I'm worried about because I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm desperately trying to get better so I can go. I also have difficulty eating and understand the struggle- you want to eat because your body needs the nutrients but your scared of what could happen. The thought is so powerful that it overrides the fact that you may be harming your body. But in that moment when you choose not to eat or only eat something small it doesn't seem to matter because it makes you feel better. I write a diary and put all my thoughts, feelings, goals and accomplishments in it. Sometimes its good to write your thoughts down, especially if your seeing a Councillor or psychologist because sometimes when you get to the appointment you forget. Any ways continue to try and make progress even if its small steps. Try to challenge yourself- set small manageable goals. Whether that be to do with you eating or any other area that you have difficulty with.
Well good luck and stay strong. Never give up!!

[thecheesecake17]

Let me encourage you to definitely go to Uni Sky - I get a really positive vibe from your willpower and courage etc and please do it, I realised I'd be sharing a bathroom with 30 people in my first year and I still got through that with not ONE incident where emet was involved, you can and will go and its gonna be the best time of your life...I leave after four years at Uni in June and I'm gutted...I won't be challenged half as much with my anxieties when I'm comforted at home with my parents.

Anyway,
Cmsois I totally have the same thing, I have the blood sugar probs, for example I ate a ton of sugar today already and now have the hunger feeling of 'you must eat or else!' It gets so bad that I don't even wanna eat but I know that's bad.... Then I'll have the 'am I hungry though?!' ..constant cycle haha....
Do you also get this??

If you guys tackle the emet at this age you'll be flying high, I got it pretty bad after a gag moment in 2009 (when i was 16/17)and the emet attacks went on for a good two years as I lost two stone or something...then after three years I believe I got rid of the whole thing due to the distraction of uni ... I'd still be bothered and frustrated by n* but I rarely remember fixating on it as much as I did with people I met and going out at night etc....
It only came back last year cos my bf had noro and I didn't wanna catch it around exam time...

[Afdpt]

Glad you're getting better. So many of us have dealt with food restriction and disordered eating at some point or another and I don't think anyone talks about it enough - especially in a helpful way. Food is actually our best friend with this phobia. It keeps our body nourished and healthy, therefore better able to fight off anything we do get exposed to. Plus it just prevents so many of our triggering symptoms. The best thing I ever did for myself (not just my recovery) was to start eating well and eating regularly! I now start every morning with breakfast (I never used to eat breakfast because I felt nauseated in the mornings, thought I was getting sick, etc) but it's made a huge impact to start and sets me up for a better day. In my experience that morning nausea completely resolved after I eat a light breakfast. Then I try to eat something every 2-3 hours throughout the day and I rarely get nausea anymore at all. The only time I ever feel unwell from eating is when I make poor choices ... If I binge on junk food for the weekend I'll feel sick but if I eat well I don't.

[cmsois]

Sky, you will be able to go to college, and just know that if you end up needing to take time off, you can absolutely do that. I've done one semester of college, but since I lost so much weight, I had to take this semester off. There's no shame in needing to recover! However, it seems like you are getting a handle on things and I believe you should be fine. And thanks cheesecake and Afdpt for your tips on food. I'm trying to learn to associate food with feeling good rather than being at risk, and I know I'll continue improving until I've kicked this disorder to the curb!

[Skyblue]

Yh thanks hopefully I will be able to go to uni. I think we should just put all our effort in to getting better and getting rid of this phobia. I really hope its possible. It's good that you're determined to rid yourself of this phobia. I wish all the best to you