Living My Worst Nightmare

[taylorpratt]

Just a little background before I begin on whats currently going on:
I have always had an insane unrational fear of v* (i love that that is used here - less triggering!) and have only experienced it 3 times in my life, and one was pain pill related. when i was 17 my mom had to undergo surgeries related to endometriosis. the pain medicine they prescribed her afterwards caused her to get sick, and I completely lost it. for the next few days I locked myself in my room, refusing to eat, barely drank any liquids, obsessively checking my temperature as if i somehow caught the sickness from my mom, and having what i now know as panic attacks, which left me hyperventilating to the point of passing out. i was afraid to go into the bathroom just to pee. I still remember this as me hitting rock bottom. not just me being crazy and insensitive, i knew this wasnt normal and i had something wrong with me. when my mom was healed she took me to our nurse practioner, who had been prescribing me odansetrone for my frequent nausea knowing that it was a big fear of mine. i told her what had been going on and she suggested I see a GI specialist. So i did all that, had the camera stuck down my throat and they found nothing. So after that gave us no new information, i was prescribed Ativan. This was the huge turning point. We realized that I, in fact, had Panic Disorder. alongside that, was emetophobia. N*s is one of the main signs I'm having a panic attack, including being unable to breath or swallow. So as you can imagine being an emetophobe, I was constantly panicking and wondering "is this nausea just from this panic attack?" or "is this the real thing?" After 3 years since my diagnosis things were alot better. i was placed on Fluoxetine for my anxiety/panic disorder and it almost diminished the number of panic attacks i was having, along with Xanax if i was having an attack. i worked in a daycare with children, i helped a friend when they were sick from a hangover, i really didnt consider my phobia to be that strong anymore.

Until this Christmas weekend. My dad had told me that him and his family had been sick, v*ting two days before, but they all felt fine now. Stupidly i thought I'd be brave and go see them for the holiday. no way i could get sick. and then the next day the 26th. absolute worst night of my life.

i had woken up from a nap and immediately felt sick. I went to the bathroom and to keep this as sensitive as possible, I was getting sick from both ends at the same time and it lasted for 10 hours. all the while this is happening, im having panic attacks. unable to keep any kind of fluid down, i ended up having to go to the ER for fluids and insisted on an IV dose of Zofran. which ended up being two because i didn't feel the first dose was strong enough. They also ended up having to give me a shot of Ativan because i could not get my breathing controlled. I havent been sick since about 3am yesterday morning. Just a little d*. But now my mom has caught my awful bug and her vomiting is making me feel like Im going to start again. someone help talk me down from this please Ive taken my last Ativan i had prescribed to me as well, so thats adding to the anxiety and i dont know how much more zofran i can take today. please anyone?

[Lydiaharrison]

I AM SO SORRY!! You are so strong... I can't even imagine honestly. Does your mom live with you? If you aren't around her I wouldn't worry about getting your illness again. I think once it's out of your system it's out of your system. Just try and drink water.. small sips at a time though. The fact that you got through that truly gives me hope. Just try to rest and focus on your breathing. Maybe put some earplugs in and just focus on listening to your breath, sometimes that helps me.

HUGS AND SUPPORT!!

[taylorpratt]

thank you so much, that actually made me tear up because i do not feel strong. Yes we do live together and her getting sick caused me to almost kind of relapse if thats even possible? i was feeling much better until she started v*ing. I started dry heaving(dh?) and panicking and wound up back in the ER for more fluids and Zofran. the nurse was absolutely awful to me. saying that "its just the flu. v*ing isn't that bad". and i told her yeah not for you but to me its like i am going to die. so i left without even seeing the ER doctor. :/ But i am home now and feeling a little better. still kind of dh but i think that its more from my anxiety than anything else. my mom thinks it may be from the amount of zofran i took yesterday mixed with the ativan? i'm not sure but i'm scared to take either now. but i have been practicing my breathing and that has calmed me down a lot from this morning.

thank you so much for your reply, it truly means so much. <3 hugs!

[TryingToBeBrave]

Zofran and Ativan won't make you sick. It's probably the anxiety. I take both meds frequently enough for my chronic migraine disease, and both of them actually help the stomach. Hang in there. I bet you will both be much better tomorrow.

[Lydiaharrison]

You're doing awesome! If I were in your position I think someone would have to sedate me honestly haha. People always think it's not that big of a deal and it's so frustrating because it shouldn't be but it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen. I remember when I was in high school I dislocated my elbow during cheer practice and had to go to the ER and when they were about to give me morphine they told me it might make me V* and I started freaking out and crying and told them I didn't want the morphine. They were all like "its just a little v*.. you'll feel a lot better after".

YOU'RE DOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I WOULD BE! Are you feeling any better??

[Afdpt]

First of all - GOOD FOR YOU for spending the family time together despite knowing they had been sick before. That's awesome and PLEASE do not let the outcome keep you from behaving the same way in the future.

Second, it sounds like you caught a really nasty bug - that's not the norm. I know when you have a really bad one it can encourage the fear (my whole fear of myself vomiting started after a bug that sounds similar to the one you're going through.) but try to remember that most are not that bad. You're usually not going to have such prolonged, frequent vomiting episodes and definitely not going to need hospitalization/IV fluid.

Third, it will be over soon! Just hang in there. This won't last forever, life will go on, there's plenty to look forward to, and soon you can look back on the whole experience and feel PROUD of yourself because you faced your fears and survived! Try to turn it into something positive and allow it to help you with your recovery.

Hang in there! It's almost done and you're doing AMAZING! Thanks for sharing your experience!

[pogopig]

That sounds like an absolute nightmare and what all of us on here dread. It sounds like you were extremely unlucky to get so ill. Most people will never get that sick in their life. Well done for getting through it, hope you're feeling better now. Forget the bad attitude of the nurse, people never understand how we feel, shame someone in the 'caring' profession is so lacking in compassion though.