Small Truimph

[maddiemyhoney]

Hi everyone, it's such a small truimph but i'm so proud of myself! I've been emetophobic since the age of 12.. I'm now 21. 9 years i've had to put up with the feeling sick every minute of every day to sleepness nights panicking about it. It got to the point last year where I doesn't enough was enough, I wasn't going out the house, I quit my job, stopped eating... Borderline anorexic. I started online CBT classes and found them helpful for the panic but it wasn't hitting the phobia itself. To the point of giving up I started getting depressed thinking this is how I'd be for life. I didn't drink, i drove everywhere and didn't stay out anywhere, always in bed by 10pm. Again, i'd had enough and decided to try CBT again, this time face to face. At the first session, we talked all about the phobia, how severe it was and the plan for the rest of the sessions. We were going to try exposure therapy. This to me was almost as scary as actually V* !! We started by watching youtube videos of people V* (self inflicted- i'm fine with this as I can't catch it) first of all with sound off until I was comfortable to watch with sound on. Didn't bother me in the slightest. We watched 10 videos over and over again and I didn't feel any panic at all. I'm still terrified of V* myself. I'm currently on Fluxeotine and have anti-emtics on me constantly but I am so much better than I was before.. Sorry for rambling, i'll get to my truimph. I went to the o2 this evening, I got the tube by myself, something i'd never have thought about doing. Sat at the very top, which i was completely relaxed about! I can go out to dinner with friends, i can stay out to nightclubs until 3am!! And even have a couple of glasses of wine! Gone are the days of crying myself to sleep whilst violently shaking and dry h*. Don't get me wrong I still get relapses but I highly recommend CBT and introducing things back into your life slowly. Babysteps and you'll get there I promise. This forum has got me through some of the scariest panic attacks i've ever had so I hope I help at least one emet know it's not just them. It is very common. I know where you've been and it's the worst feeling in the world but know you aren't alone, you will come out the other side a stronger person. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. xxxx

[claire43]

YAY!!! Im so happy for you. Thats brilliant news.

I live in hope that I will find the courage to do something like you have done. Right now the thought of exposure therapy just triggers anxiety. Keep up the good work

[maddiemyhoney]

Thank you so much. I'm getting there very slowly. Managed to stay in London all day today, no car and no escape route. Don't get me wrong I still have down days and relapses but I just take baby steps to kick emets ass!! I can't wait for the day where I have no panic and no nausea at all, but until then just need to keep strong and try not to let it rule my life. xx

[pogopig]

That's brilliant, very happy for you. Thanks for posting your triumph, it gives the rest of us hope. Good luck, hope you carry on making progress.