just thinking about giving myself something to make me SICK :(

[Bezza1992]

Hi,

I really cannot take any more of feeling like this it is completely ruining my life I wont even touch a door handle.

I couldn't even attend my hospital appointment yesterday at the fracture clinic , so I now have an arm that's out of place but I cant attend the hospital because I am too scared.

Scared to be around my family, I am scared of anything and I cannot do anything for myself I constantly have to depend on others , where as a year ago today , thats how long I have had this phobia , I done everything for myself and worked in nursing and dealt with this all the time.

I am 20 I need a life , I need my job back , my friends and my familys love and support , Right now I have NOTHING.

To top it off I spend 90% of my life feeling sick and feeling just generally unwell , I really don't know what else to do anymore.

I have tried CBT and I have tried medication , nothing helps.

Maybe if I just give myself something horrible ( dont know what and do not know how I will pluck up the courage to do so ) but maybe if I just do it and make myself throw up a few times it will help me?? It's a crazy , mental idea I know but I really do not have any suggestions left!!

Fed up with being so weak and selfish.

Can someone just email me or speak to me maybe , its [email protected] .. .. I am really sorry for posting such a load of junk I just don't know where to turn anymore and have spent half of this morning looking up suicide notes on line to see what I should put on mine. I have lost it completely , It has finally beaten me.

I am so sorry , once again,

Sam.
xxxx

[out_of_order]

You don't need to make yourself sick and you're not weak and selfish. What's happened is at some point in your life, most likely when you were too young to remember, something involving vomit happened either to you or to someone else, and because young children are so easily traumatized (doesn't take much) your brain linked the fear (and other negative emotions) you felt in that one moment to vomiting and emetophobia was born. The reason the traditional CBT and exposure and even vomiting doesn't work for so many of us is because those treatments work on the conscious mind when the problem is in the subconscious. Our grown-up conscious mind usually doesn't even remember that one traumatizing event that started it all but our subconscious remembers every bit of it clearly and we FEEL it in our body instead of remembering it in our conscious mind. I hope that makes sense.

Making yourself vomit most likely won't work long-term because what needs to happen is all those fearful negative emotions you attached to vomiting so long ago need to be neutralized. In other words, that connection made so long ago needs to be broken and a new, more realistic one, needs to be made. That is, the belief that vomiting = terror, danger the worst thing in the world needs to be watered down and the belief that vomiting = unpleasant, gross, don't want to do it, but if it happens it's not the end of the world and I (you) can handle it needs to replace it. This all needs to happen on a SUBCONSCIOUS level. That's why all the "positive" thinking in the world (on a conscious level) and telling ourselves we don't want this fear anymore never works. All the treatments that work on a conscious level are like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound. Sure it may mask the problem but the REAL problem under the surface is festering, getting bigger, getting worse. What needs to happen is you need to take the bandaid off and go right down into that gaping infected wound and clean it out and THEN it will heal.

If you want to find out how to do this, check out my thread in the "treatments" section of this website and/or message me privately. You DON'T have to live like this and you DON'T have to subject yourself to unnecessary extreme exposure that could very well RE-traumatize you and make everything worse. Vomiting is NOT the problem, the emotional link you've made to vomiting IS.

[gumdropper1]

Out of order, I'm glad you were cured earlier this month without vomiting, but please understand that some people have been cured by vomiting. You can read several stories of them on my web site: http://emetophobia.byethost15.com. If Bezza is ready to vomit in order to cure her phobia, then we should encourage her. There is no harm that will come from it, and it might lead to a cure for her.

Bezza, you might try the milk challenge or the banana/Sprite challenge. Drinking a gallon of milk makes nearly everyone vomit, and some people claim that drinking Sprite after eating two bananas causes vomiting.

Doug

[olschesky]

i just can't see where making yourself sick would cure your emet.....i think for most of us it's the fear on not knowing when it will happen that it actually happening.....if that makes sense..

i'm sorry that you're having a rough go right now. i know i've been there myself during different times in my life. what works best for me is to slowly push yourself to do the things you've stopped doing.....everyday take a small step out of your comfort zone....when you see you are able to do it.....even though it's scary....you go a little further. i also think you should maybe try medication again......they all act differently on different people and i think if you can another drug to curb your obsessive thoughts (prozac works miracles for me) you will be able to move forward.

you definitely need to get to the drs and get your arm taken care of. chances are if you're going for a bone issue you won't be around people who have "illnesses".......also if you're willing to do something that will definitely make you sick.....make yourself go to the dr....where you "think" you might catch something.....remember keeping your hands away from your face and washing them well when you get home will keep you from contracting anything......

push yourself.....baby steps.....you can get past this rough patch......we're here to help....

[out_of_order]

Seriously gumdropper? I can't just have an opinion? I can't just try to help a person the way I see fit? I can't share my experience? Do I really need to defend my reply? Okay, here goes....

Out of order, I'm glad you were cured earlier this month without vomiting, but please understand that some people have been cured by vomiting.

You're right. And I'm sure there are also one or two people who have been cured of their fear of flying by surviving a plane crash, but I wouldn't encourage them to do that either.

You can read several stories of them on my web site: http://emetophobia.byethost15.com.

I don't need to read your website to know that some people DO overcome emetophobia by vomiting. By the way, have you followed up with those people from your site to see if their recovery was permanent or if it was just the usual short-lived relief that a lot of emets experience after vomiting?

and it might lead to a cure for her.

Well then instead of priding yourself on not vomiting for 36 years, why don't you try it and see if it will cure you instead of insisting that there's never a need for any person to vomit ever, even when they have a stomach virus.

Bezza, you might try the milk challenge or the banana/Sprite challenge. Drinking a gallon of milk makes nearly everyone vomit, and some people claim that drinking Sprite after eating two bananas causes vomiting.

You're right gumdropper, this is much better advice than mine, that way she can violently and repeatedly projectile vomit. Yeah THAT won't re-traumatize an emetophobic person.

[Murder-my-soul]

I have to agree with out_of_order. I don't think you should encourage someone to v* in order to be cured. What I think is, is that they need support. If they feel they can cure themselves by it, they will do it.

Do I think it's necessary? No. I wasn't cured by it. That's how I got Emetophobia in the first place.

[out_of_order]

Oh I missed these two:

If Bezza is ready to vomit in order to cure her phobia, then we should encourage her.

Bezza didn't say she wants to vomit or is ready to, she said she wants to get over her fear.

There is no harm that will come from it

No it won't... unless it further traumatizes her and makes her emet worse.

[olschesky]

thanks OOO for posting what i felt after reading gumdroppers reply......

[out_of_order]

thanks OOO for posting what i felt after reading gumdroppers reply......

lol I was wondering who OOO was and then realized it was me lol DUH.

Bezza, how are you doing today?

[stoneskipper]

My opinion (purely opinion, I have no evidence to back it up) is that v* in itself would not cure an emetophobe unless that person put an incredible amount of work into rewiring their thoughts as the experience of v* happened. Repeatedly telling themselves things like "this is okay" "it happened, I survived" "that wasn't so bad" "it was over so fast" etc. instead of "oh no" "I couldn't control it" "I ruined my streak" etc. So the thoughts would actually be what helped them.

When you say you've tried CBT, what exactly? And for how long? I definitely believe that CBT helps. No, it may not cure you, but it really helps, makes things significantly more bearable. I can't imagine a situation in which it wouldn't have an effect at all.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope you find something that helps soon. And I agree with olschesky - if you are contemplating making yourself v* anyway, then you might as well go to the doctor and confront the (very small) risk of that causing you to get sick so that you can get your arm taken care of.

[Puppydog]

I so totally agree with out_of_order. And it is not healthy to force yourself to vomit when you don't need to, especially by drinking a gallon of milk.

[lizzo]

You're right gumdropper, this is much better advice than mine, that way she can violently and repeatedly projectile vomit. Yeah THAT won't re-traumatize an emetophobic person.

Good god. No kidding.

The key is to gradually increase your exposure to what makes you nervous (if you can). Gradually, baby steps, inch by inch ...

[cinque]

Oh Sam you've nothing to apologise for! I wonder whether counselling might be better for you than CBT at this point, or maybe something else...I think it's really important to go back to your GP and explain just how hard things are for you.

I have to say I agree with the others when they say making yourself sick is a bad idea. I don't think it would help. You would, of course, get through it and be okay, but I just really don't think it would actually help with the phobia, and I think vomiting induced by the methods mentioned is probably more traumatic than natural vomiting.

You can and will get your life back on track. If your GP is unhelpful or doesn't take you seriously ask to see another one. This phobia is as debilitating to you at the moment as a physical ailment and it deserves medical attention in just the same way. Please don't be too afraid to get your arm seen to; hospitals are not the germ-pits we sometimes think they are! xxx

[jennielouises]

I have been sick at least twice since I have had emet and for me it has always made my emet worse. It may help some people but as OOO said, it could traumatise you like it did me. Please don't make yourself sick

[twinmom73]

Wow, I am a bit taken back by some of the responses on here. Out of Order, your opinion is quite valid, and Gumdropper, your opinion is quite valid also. BOth of you are entitled to your opinions, and while one may not agree with the other, there is no reason to put someones down because you think yours is better.

To the OP, (and this is just my opinion) I don't know if self unducing vomit with help you (it may or it may not) However, I would think for a person to face their fears it would take more than a one time exposure to cure them. But honestly, the only way to truely know if it would help or not would be to do it. Now, I am not saying that you should or that you shouldn't, I am just saying there really is no way of knowing beforehand.

My suggestion to face the fear is, instead of inducing it, it to go out when you are afraid. Then, if you DO vomit, then it will have happened and you will see how you cope afterward. However, I highly doubt you will vomit, and you will see that you don't have to be so afraid to go out.

[Bezza1992]

Hi all.. I am so sorry that i have only just managed to reply, i have just read all of your messages and i have to say i am totally overwhelmed, thank you so much for all of your support.
Out of order i agree with you 100 % and i think i knew deep down that i'd never be able to make myself vomit, not one of my better ideas.
Its true i have so much to work through and i ned to go to the depths of the phobia, which i hope to do and work through in time.

I did manage to get to the doctor and my arm is slowly getting better, so thats a positive.

I just keep telling myself im here for a reason and surely i wasnt just put here to experience a life full of fear and pain.

Once again thank you so much, you guys never fail to make me smile and shed a tear when you take time to offer support and ki
nd words.

Sam xxxx

[waelkash]

Hummm, I'm facing the same problem because I actually v* in a fear situation. And as I can see from the replies there are two opinions. One say go ahead and vomit and the other says NO. I could v* even in a normal conversation. So, I'm avoiding to see or talk with others even via a mobile phone. I want to know for sure if I courage myself to v* will help or not. Because I don't want to go through such a painful feeling then I get nothing.
But the good thing here is that I'm not alone
if you decide to go ahead and expose yourself to v*, I'll go with you and do it. Then we till the others about the results.

Good luck for everyone.

[Cynna]

Have you thought about CBT again or DBT? Keep working on it. A strong desire to overcome this phobia helps treatment. Maybe you are ready now.

I do not think v.. would have cured you. You are controlling the situation if you take ipecac or something. If you v.. from noro or something else there is less control. I think part of emet is related to control. I am not a medical professional. I also do not have a major fear of v.. myself. I fear others v...

By the way, Doug is right that v.. will not physically harm you. However, v.. could have given you some trauma or PTSD type of experience if you were not ready for it. Exposure therapy has to be done right and the person has to be ready for it to work. I had flashbacks from seeing Bieber v... on stage. I am to the point now where I have gotten through 80% of the exposure therapy on emetophobiahelp.org.

Hope your arm is doing better. Hang in there.

[emet-ana]

Hi Bezza,

This phobia is terrible and it sounds like you're struggling to get on with life because of it (I'm the same).

What did you do in CBT? Did you try graded exposure to 'dangerous' situations?. We need to accept the uncertainty and possibility that we might get sick by going about our everyday lives but we don't necessarily need to make ourselves sick to overcome this.

xx

[Cynna]

Sorry guys, did not realize that this was an old thread that someone brought back to life.