At school

[TheFreakboy48]

Hello. I am new to this and the stories make me feel better and not alone. I'm 15 years old and have had this phobia my entire life, and so far, it has ruined it. Today in school there was a presentation by a guy from a hospital talking about testicular cancer. I didn't think much of it but then someone fainted. My heart was in my mouth. I was the most scared than I have ever been in a while. The boy left the room and the man began talking again. Then another fainted. Then people started to feel nauseous and left. Since this phobia always wins, I left the room and asked could I go home. It felt like forever because in our school you have to wait for someone to collect you. I heard that many more fainted and left, and it scared me. This phobia has taken over my life, to the point where I don't want to be in school anymore. I know that I have to go but I really hope there is another option because half of the time I feel like ending my life. (I know it seems stupid but I do). Ever since I started school eleven-twelve years ago, every single day was a nightmare. I have only 2 and a half years left of school and I'm thinking to myself "what's the point?". When I'm older I hope to be an actor or a writer, so school is pointless to me. It always was. I know my mother won't understand but it's come to the point where I have to beg.
i know this is a long post, but I was wondering if I could get some help and here some of your stories?
Thank you for reading

[jbsmom]

I am not exactly sure what your question is but I will tell you what I think you are asking for. I have had this phobia since i was a child and only in the last few years have discovered that it has a name. I have always thought that i was alone in my feelings. I am now 37 years old and a mother of 3 children. I have lived through many panic attacks and freaked out many times when people around me are sick or when i think i might get sick. I am feeling sick as i type this but i am using this to keep me calm and keep my mind off of how i am feeling. WHen i was a kid about your age i used to think the same thing about ending my life and not feeling like its worth it. I do that sometimes now when i am in a panic. The difference is I get angry with myself and say how stupid i am for not paying more attention to my body. I made it through all of those years and i continue to make it through. You just dont give up and you keep on trucking because when you arent in a panic over getting sick life is great!
So many times i have thought about homeschooling my kids so that they wont go to school and pick up a virus. But that would be ridiculous. They need to be exposed so their bodies can fight it off. They need to do go to school to get an education regardless of what job they want to do when they get older. Believe it or not you will use most of the things you are learning right now. If you want to be an actor or a writer you are certainly going to need language arts, drama, literature etc. You will also need math to calculate your percentage of a contract whether it be for a movie or a book. If you become a writer you will find out that research and education will be a big part of the works you produce. Not only will you need high school but you will also need college.
This is a phobia, an irrational fear. It can not be explained nor be cured in a few stories. If it is to the point that it is ruining your life maybe you need to talk to your parents about it. Regardless of what you think they will say you need to try to explain to them what it does to you. Ask them to help. No matter what they think of the phobia they have a responsiblity to you as their child to get you the help you need.
Good luck kid! I hope this helps a little.

[TheFreakboy48]

Thank you very much for your answer. It was very reassuring, and you were right, it is because im in a panic. There is more to life and I have to get on with it. Thank you for helping me, it means a lot.