I DID IT

[sthlm]

*GRAPHIC*


Hi everyone, as some of you know I have been talking for a long time about and ipacec experiement with my cbt therapist. Well I DID IT last night.


Whent there and after a lot of axiety and crying I took the ipacec (makes me nausious just thinking about it). After 45 min I started feeling sick (the doctors say it should take about 10-15 min, my ass) I gagged 4 times maybe (huge gags =( but nothing came up, then I just sat there shaking and feeling so incredible sick, walking around with a bucket. My dad came and picked me up 1,5 hours later when still nothing had happened. My therapist didn´t think anything would happen after som long time. Ipacec is something that is suppose to work fast cos it is given to people who has taken pills or anything toxic. Well I felt so sick, the ride home took forever it seems like. I came home, I was shaking, I couldn´t move, just horrible as you can imagine. I didn´t think I was gonna be sick but almost2,5 hours after I took the ipacec I felt this tremendous coldsweat and dizziness. I rushed to the toilet to poor some water on my face to cool it down. Then I gagged and it came up in the sink. I still didn´t felt fine cos I have a really hard time pjuking cos I have to force it out of me, It just doesn´t come easy =(. I felt sick and I sat on the floor, I couldn´t sleep cos I felt s0 sick. Then I felt it again, this time I did it in the toilet, It was so much and I went on forever, coming out of my nose, pjuke smell was all over the place and breathed i could smell it so that made me more sick.


I still didn´t feel ok and mayby 4 hrs after I took it I v***** for the last time, I just felt like, "I want to sleep, get it out of me". I forced everything out of me. And then I felt somewhat ok. I fell asleep.


Some of you were against this Idea saying that I probably would get more scared, and I can agree to a point with you guys. Today I feel very anxious and feeling poorely, I thought I would feel like on top of the world but I don´t. I punish myself for putting myself In that situation. Sure It was a good thing cos I really know how it feels to v***** now (you forget as time passes). But I do not recommend and I dont whant to do it again.


Feels like Im never getting out of this emet hell [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[skinnyme]

I give you so much credit for doing this... My god I got the shakes just reading this post. I'm sorry that it didnt help you though. I think this kind of " therapy" is definitly not the way to help emet, so dont feel bad that you dont feel better about V**. You are very brave to do this. Try to pride yourself on the amount (huge!) of courage it took to take the ipepac in the first place... not alot of people would do that.

[kellybean]

Wow, you are a very brave person. I'm sorry this didn't help you very much, but you should still be proud of yourself. I hope you start to feel better about it. Maybe when you do, you will realize that it really wasn't that bad.

[terified girl]

OMG I think thats all I can say, you are the craziest and bravest person I know emet wise!


I'm sorry your experience didn't go as you planned, I hope though that it doesn't worsen your fear and anxiety.


Keep us posted on how your feeling


Sonia

[ontariogirl]

My god, you are one courages person!!You have a lot of guts! A couple of years ago I heard of a girldoing the same thing you did. The doctor whom she was seeing ended up giving her way too much of the ipacec! She was very ill (didn't vomit) and ended up in the hospital for a couple of days. When I heard about her it scared me because the doctor didn't know what he wasdoing and it didn't cure her at all it made her more petrified of being sick. I don't understand why these doctors or therapists believe that giving a patient this stuff is the answer to this phobia? How many appointments did you see your therapist to get to the point of giving you the syrup? I don't know I personally disagree with this,to me it is too dangerous supervized or not and I have never heard of it helping.


Be proud of yourself you took the steps to get over this phobia!![img]smileys/smilies_39.gif[/img]

[Jenneh]

oh my word....


<cannot even read that post> but ur brave!


xxx

[2jo2]

Wow. Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. You should be proud of yourself for even agreeing to do it knowing you'd get sick.

[jesskali]

I'm with Ontariogirl on this one. Being a nurse, it isn't very safe to give someone ipecac unless they truly need it, like when a child eats pills they are not supposed to. Poison control is always consulted before ipecac is given in a situation like that. In fact, I have read many articles in medical journals that say to throw your ipecac away if you have it. They have found it to be completely unnecessary in some situations. It can be very dangerous because there are some that are completely unable to stop *v* from it and become dehydrated and have to be admitted to the hospital. It has been known to cause internal intestinal bleeding as well.

I agree that you are brave to try such a thing, but I'm not sure if it is going to help your emetophobia. If it had been me, I would be a whole lot worse after an experience like that.

[babygap5]

I think that if you were to get a stomach virus and were to v* on your own, w/out the medication, i think you would feel a little better about the experience. The fact that you took this stuff, you knew it would make you sick, the anxiety leading up to the actual moment was way more worse then if you simply got sick "naturally". I commend you on your bravery and the desire to conquer this disease. I hope you recover quickly from this experience, so that you can move on and put it behind you. Keep us posted.

[donna1216]

Someone else that used to come here tried the same thing, and it made her worse. That really wasn't a very good idea!!! Ipecac causes you to v**** repeatedly, if you're trying to cure your emet by actually v'ing, you should start out slowly, ONE TIME would be enough--that just doesn't sound safe at all!!!
I hope you are feeling much better today--that just sounds terrible!!!!

[sthlm]

Thanx for your support. I feel ok now but the ipacec that passed on in my body has given me the runs so Im not 100% ok yet but the axiety is better than it was this morning but I still has can feel the smell cos v**** got stuck in my nose, gross.


I totally agree that it isnt a safe way cos I got very sick from the "poison". I think it can be a good experience to work with in therapy but I will not go thrue it again. I regret putting me in the situation but something good must come out of it even if I can´t see it know.


Thanx again for your posts, you guys are my rocks [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[moonshadow]

OMG you were brave beyond words. I would not do this in a million years. After reading your post, not infifteen billionyears! This has convinced me more than ever that the best way to go is toAVOIDit asfar as poss... my emet only really bothers me if I (or someone close) actually start feeling ill.


However, I don't know if it will comfort you to know that the last time I NEARLY v*d with a stomach bug - I was actually retching - I didn't feel scared at all, just bored and fed up. I think the people who say the 'natural' version is much less scary must be right. I would agree with others here that your therapist made a big mistake. Sounds like you were practically poisoned! To me, this kind of confrontation is like saying, 'oh, you have a fear of having your kneecaps crushed with a baseball bat? Let's pound your kneecaps until you learn to enjoy it!'


I hope you are feeling better. Please let us know how you are.

[rileyl]

My goodness. I have so much admiration for your ability to face this fear head on like that. I do not have that courage. I have often wondered about the fact that exposure tov'g is not a complete cure for us emets (at least most of the time.) I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that the fear is rooted in what ever we associated with the act of v'g at the time the fear developed? In other words, until we can calm the "real" fears we have linked with v'g maybe just doing the act is not enough?? Aside from the physical grossness of it, I associate abandonment and loss of control with v'g. Control, for better or worse, is a huge issue with me. 8)

[ontariogirl]

I am relieved that you are feeling better!

[baseballplaya12]

im glad you are feeling better as well but i agree i think if u get sick
from a virus the expirience would be a lot different and a lot less
traumatizing it seems like ipecac gives a much worse v' expirience
than doing it from a virus..

[chloe]

Gosh - you are brave for putting yourself through that. I could not do it.


I take my hat off to you for what you did and I hope you are able to feel better and less anxious soon.


I feel emet will go eventually for me but I couldn't ever force the issue...


Well done for going through with it tho

[moonshadow]

The more I think about what you have gone through, the more angry I feel about it. The way you were 'treated' and then abandoned to cope with it on your own sounds irresponsible, dangerous andcruel in the extreme. The only way I can imagine exposure therapy working is if you were induced with mild nausea in a controlled environment while undergoing anti-anxiety relaxation techniques - something along those lines.


They wouldn't dream of giving this vile potion to a non-emet! They probably wouldn't dream of 'curing' you of a fear of heights by flinging you off a high building - would they?


Let's face it, we're scared of v*gbecause it is horrible. It's not like a fear of cats, where you couldbe persuaded to see that cats are actually lovable. If I were you I might almost be tempted toconsider legal actionagainst my 'therapist'...?


Will you be seeing him/her again, and explaining what happened? Please let us know!

[sthlm]

I hear you moonshadow and I agree, I have been thinking a lot about it.


It was meant that it was suppose to happen at the therapist office, but maybe she thought "it was late" and she wanted to go home and eat dinner while I was going home to my v**** scenario and anxiety. I felt so lonely when I sat by the toilet at the therapist just waiting, she is not supportive or warm. And the more I think about it the more I get so angry and disappointed with her. Leaving me all poisoned like that. Also no one cared at home, I just pjuked alone and no one came to check how I was, It was just such a bad experience. I even turned the music up in the bathroom so my emet sister wouldn´t get scared. But everyone just ignored me. Well I know that I usually whant´s to be alone and v****** but still, someone should show some support.


I am still not fine, Im on my second day with the runs now. It took such a long time for my body to reject the ipacec that some had begun to pass through my body and I have to run to the toilet all the time with great pain in my bowels.


Ugh, don´t try this at home.


Love

[madisonsmom]

I personally dont see how that is suppose to help. I personally believe that this emet is a thing of the subconscious mind. I have had a stomach virus like 3 times since being emet and I feel better temporarily...but then it comes right back.

How do you feel?

[sage]

Sweetheart, I am SO SORRY you went through this. And I have to say, as a therapist and researcher these stories make me SO ANGRY. What a complete idiot your therapist is! But as for some good coming out of it, it did. Many, many people have read this post and can feel more confident standing up to their "therapists" and saying 'NO' to these ludicrous, unresearched, undocumented suggestions. Your therapist had no evidence that this would help you. In fact, if she'd looked at the evidence she would have known it wouldn't. It was just "an idea" in her head, and now she's back to square one.


If I were you, I'd confront the therapist about this "idea" of hers, and the obvious results. It could result in a healed and safe relationship. But if there's any hint on her part of blaming you for the outcome, find someone else and quick!


Oh - one last thing. You're a brave. courageous person with a will to get better. Good for you! Your future is bright and hopeful. Once you find the right treatment program, you will shine - sailing through to a complete cure, as I did and countless others. You hang in there. It's the undefeatable spirit like yours that has the best outcome!

[redapple]

i agree with sage 100%. you can look for a new therapist that is warm and comforting, and DON'T GIVE UP!!</span></span>

[Galadriel]

I too agree with Sage, your therapist should have stuck by you, even came to your house and stayed with you. She basically gave you this poison, then left you to deal with it alone, and didn't even call to see how you were coping. That is very irresponsible and very bad therapy! Iam very sorry that you didn't feel supported at all, that is tough, here your facingyour worst fear, and no one is there to give you support.You sound like a VERY strong person, and you now have proof that you can overcome. If you can do this, I think getting better for you will be no problem.

[uidactinide]

It almost made me cry to read this post, because I admire you so much
for being strong enough to go through something like this. I don't
think I could ever, in a million years, do what you've done. I'm sorry
that you had to experience something so miserable, but know that even
if your emet hasn't been helped, you have at least one person who now
looks up to you.