Re: Tired of my emetophobic wife.
The issue really sounds deeper than Emet. Your tone is really accusatory as though we did this to your wife, or like we're some sort of cult that she's joined. We all suffer from the same mental illness, but it is comorbid with a lot of things for people, like agoraphobia, bi-polar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social phobia, or major depression. From what you're saying about your wife, Emet sounds like it may just be a symptom to a much bigger problem. This may be the part that she can explain, but Emet on its own doesn't mean you're going to be bed ridden. As I pointed out in my other post using myself as an example, there are plenty of us that go through life with it that you would never know there is anything wrong with. The only person in my life who knows there IS something wrong is my husband, NO ONE else. That's how "normal" I appear.
I don't think an ultimatum as you describe is going to help. When people are THAT sick with mental illness, they generally don't know how to get out again, or are unable to handle the necessary steps to help themselves. I am going to again recommend doing the following:
1. Find a psychologist/clinical social worker/psychiatrist.
2. Make an appointment for your wife.
3. Schedule child care for the children.
4. Schedule time off work for yourself.
5. Take your wife to the appointment.
I absolutely respect your right, and your duty, to care for your children. I respect that you are in no way obligated to stay in a marriage in which you are unhappy. But I cannot respect your being cruel to your wife and think that will make her well. You can't jump right into "YOU MUST FIX EVERYTHING OR WE WILL LEAVE!!!" You can explain to her that you understand she is sick, it is hurting you and the children, and that you need her to go the appointment. My husband volunteers to come to therapy with me like, every week, and I'm like "dude, I'm a big girl, I can take myself" but I appreciate the offer, and knowing that he cares and wants me to be well. That is the angle you need to take, not the crazy angry fed up husband angle. The caring, concerned husband. She doesn't want to be like this any more than you want her to be like this, she probably just doesn't know how to get out of the place she is in.
"I'm not supposed to be like this, but it's okay" -- The Wrong Child, R.E.M.