Wife and Kids... Bit of a problem?

[Anstey]

Hi, new to the forum, new to any forum come to that, I've been emetophobic for as long as I can remember. The thing that worried me the most all these years was the idea that one day I would possibly get married and have kids. That's now finally come, I'm getting married next July and my fiancee and I DEFINITELY want kids. I used to be a youth worker, I love kids they have a knack for putting things in perspective and making life a bit brighter. Sadly I'm sure most people here would agree that kids seem to be the ones who get sick the most. It was always an issue at work, especially when i worked in a primary (elementary) school.

I'm really terrified that my kids will get ill and right when they need my the most my wife won't be there to help and I won't be able to do anything to help them! If she's away on a business trip there could be a puddle of v on the floor for days before she got back. Obviously I wouldn't be able to use the room till then aswell, the whole thing's a nightmare.

I'm also really worried that it could affect our marriage as what happens when she gets sick or she even just feels sick? i couldn't share a bed and I'd struggle to share a house with her, worst of all is morning sickness!! If we're to have 2 kids, she could end up v every day for a really long time.

Has anyone found a way to get round all this? I did read a post earlier of a mum being able to clear up her child's v which impressed me but there are plenty out there where they just end up feeling helpless.

I'm really scared I could be making a mistake doing all this before I've fixed the fear. If I can...

[Elski]

Are you actually getting any help with your emet? You may find you can improve your situation a whole lot before you even have kids, with the right help (CBT/counselling/meds/hypnotherapy/self-help techniques etc). Is your fiancee supportive of your phobia? I take it she's not emet?

All emet parents have exactly the same anxieties as you do and some how manage to get through it so take heart in that there's loads of us on here and we all have our kid-related freak-outs once in a while but support each other through it...

[Anstey]

I'm having counselling and i've been referred by my counsellor to a therapist aswell who wants to try that tapping technique. I always had an inexplicable stigma with that therapy but annoyingly i have seen it work, and I really want to get this sorted before the wedding. I had therapy a little while back and they tried exposure CBT but it was excruciating to sit there and watch videos and look at pictures, It did take the edge off it but it stopped there unfortunately.

My fiance is wonderful, she understands totally, possibly because the is claustrophobic and so understands about having an irrational fear but she says that she just loves it because it's a part of me. She sneaks me out or parties that turn a bit sickky and is very careful to let me know exactly what kind of "ill" she feels. She even said that she would go and stay with her parents who live nearby when she gets ill and sleep on the sofa if she got morning sickness. I couldn't ever let her do that though it would make me feel awful but i love her that she is deadly serious and genuinely would love to do that if it would put me at ease.

My sister is a student at university atm and she recounts stories of organised binge drinking and disgusting stories of things that involve vomit so unbeliveable and graphic it made my fiance and I retch when we heard them. My fiance actually nearly had to go and v herself. But my sister just finds it funny, i don't understand how any of it can be funny, i wish i could be as indifferent as she is.

[Elski]

Ah yeah, I've heard about that tapping thing, can't remember what it's called though. EMDR is another thing you could try that might have an impact.

Indifference would be great wouldn't it! I envy people who are so blasé about it all and wish I could be like them. It's a hard phobia to overcome (if not THE hardest phobia to overcome) and it takes time and set-backs but it IS possible. I've just started reading a book 'Overcoming Health Anxiety' by Dr David Veale, who is the leading UK expert in emetophobia. There's a chapter in it about emet. I got it off amazon for about £6.

Aaaanyway, you're worrying loads about the future. The whole morning sickness thing is way down the line so try and focus on the now and what you can do to tackle this phobia. Good luck

[hairyfairy]

If I was to marry, which is unlikely now, I would choose another emet, or at least someone who is rarely or never sick, just like me. I would steer clear of anyone who didn`t have a strong stomach.