Hi! I'm new. And I haven't *really* vomited in 18 years.

[ofcoursenot]

Hi everyone! I'm new here and I'm so glad I found this website. Prior to two days ago, I didn't even KNOW about the word "emetophobia". I have no idea that it was a legit phobia!

Before you read on, warning: I'm going to describe some situations and use some words that might be triggering. I really feel the need to share the full story.

I guess I'll start by saying that I haven't really vomited for 18 years. I'm 26 now, and I remember virtually every detail about my own previous vomits. In fact, I remember in great detail situations in which OTHERS have vomited too, although I don't really have a big fear of others vomiting (unless they have a virus).

Here's my history:

2 years old: I remember vomiting in the downstairs bathroom at my parents' house. I was wearing pigtails and a footsie pajamas. My mom was using a dark green wet washcloth to cool me down and/or pat my back as I vomited.

6 years old: I had the stomach virus. I saw Santa at the mall and when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn't remember anything that was on my list. We went home and I sat on the floor of the TV room. I told my mom I felt sick. Next thing I knew, I was throwing up. It was orange from the orange soda I'd had earlier in the day. I threw up many times, well into the night, and I slept on the couch while my mom watched Dallas. My mom said I didn't have to brush my teeth that night, so I didn't. Once I recovered from the virus, I began compulsively using an image to ward off nausea -- an image of me, viewed from the 3rd person, kneeling in front of the toilet I'd vomited into at my parents' house. I imagined a big "X" over this image and a soundtrack of James Brown's "I Feel Good" playing over and over. I felt like imagining this would prevent me from vomiting.

8 years old: I went to the clothing store Kids R Us with my mom and my grandma. I remember trying on a white shirt with rhinestones -- and the rhinestones felt particularly cool on my skin (presumably because I had a mild fever, I think). After the store, we got some McDonald's french fries. I ate most of them. When we got home, I felt like I was going to vomit. I dry heaved while standing on a Popples sleeping bag that was on the TV room floor. I told my mom that I'd thrown up on it. She went to investigate and found nothing. Then, I ended up vomiting in the downstairs bathroom toilet. I only vomited once (and it was green), and then sat on the couch and read an issue of Popular Science. My nose began to drip and I could smell the vomit. It reminded me of rotten cucumbers, and to this day, certain hairdryers tend to replicate this smell.

And that's it, basically. Eighteen years have passed since I last vomited. I've had three "close calls" since: two half-vomits (my own term) and one acid-reflux vomit.

21 years old: Drank too much alcohol. Knew I had to vomit, but was too scared to do it. My body did it reflexively when I had my mouth closed. It came out my nose, and it burned.

22 years old: Stomach virus. I was alone at grad school in another state. I lived alone. My boyfriend was 50 miles away; my parents were 150 miles away. I hardly had any local friends. I ate pot stickers and drank Welch's grape juice about two hours before I felt sick. Also, my building had a fire alarm about an hour before I got sick. I remember walking down all 16 flights of stairs and feeling dizzy. When I finally felt the need to puke, I couldn't bring myself to allow it to happen. I got cold and clammy and thought I would pass out or die. My boyfriend stayed on the phone and helped to calm me down a bit. I sat on the bathroom floor and worked in a book of puzzles and mazes between bouts of dry heaving. After my boyfriend had gone to bed, I really felt like I was going to throw up. I called him and got his voicemail. I half-vomited only about 1/4c of liquid and announced, "I did it!" into his voicemail. He saved this voicemail, thought it was hilarious, and then added it as a track to a mix CD he gave me later on. I hate hearing it.

23 years old: Acid reflux. I was at the pool with a friend. I ate those classic vending machine crackers (orange crackers with peanut butter in between). Then, without feeling ill, I burped -- and I refluxed a small amount of the crackers back up into my mouth & onto the concrete.

So, there you have it. No one else has ever really understood my fear of vomiting or my weird preoccupation with my vomit history. I'm not clear on dates, but I definitely remember my vomit months. And it always seems to happen on Fridays.

For what it's worth, I also am diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I also have agoraphobic tendencies. Would love to meet some similar people!

Looking forward to poking around here on the boards a bit more and reading about everyone else's experiences!

[BreaRose]

Thank you for sharing! I have to admit, I was kind of weary about reading this but it honestly didn't bother me because you spoke very plainly about your history. I would have been so mad at my boyfriend if he had given me a mixed tape with a recording of me from a really bad night on it! It's interesting that you describe it as a preoccupation with your vomit history because I would describe mine as almost like a haunting of my history. Haha. Not so much any more now that I'm an adult, but as a kid and teenager, I FREQUENTLY had nightmares of myself or other vomiting and when I would be bored sitting in school I would get random thoughts of people in my class vomiting and it always scared me.

One time in highschool, my friend laughingly told me that during one of her classes earlier in the day she thought she was going to be sick so she left to go to the bathroom but didn't make it and vomited a multicolor pile in the hall and felt soooo bad that she cleaned it up. Then she continued on to speculate what it could have possibly been considering it's vivid multicolor. She didn't know. But I was MORTIFIED for the rest of the day to be around her and even though she said she was fine, I made excuses not to go to her house for a week after that for fear she would be sick around me.

If we don't include times while drunk that I've vomited, I've only vomited once in the past 8 years and it was due to food poisioning from one of my most favorite canned beef stews. I hate to admit it, but when I finally lost control at about 3 am. I felt SOOO much better and only vomited once more and it was only a tiny bit after the 1st one. Then I felt fine. So I was mad at myself for wasting all that time of sleep when I could have just vomited and gotten it over with but. Yeah. Emet .

My emet focuses more on the fear of seeing OTHER people around me vomit. I have barely any agoraphobic tendancies and am only cautious around bathrooms and raw meat, but other than that nothing bothers me in that respect. I am not diagnosed with anything save for mild acid reflux which is easily helped with an OTC (Currently, Prilosec). But I'm not actually diagnosed with emetophobia, but after reading this site it could really be nothing else.

Sometimes I feel like I'm made up of peices of a lot of different mental illnesses. Hahaha. Emetophobia, obviously. Some OCD tendancies as well as Dermatillomania (I pick blemishes and scabs as well as bite my finger nails and the skin around my fingernails.) Dermatillomania has made me self concious of my body due to the scars on my shoulders, chest and legs specifically. And even though I have Emetophobia, I can't help but bite my nails when I'm stressed (especially). Even though I know that under my nails are dirty.


ANYWAY. Haha. It's nice to see you here and I can't wait to see what else you have to say.

[olschesky]

you sound exactly like me.....i remember every episode very clearly......and i'm 58 now.

this site has really been a comfort for me.....i didn't know it had a name or that anyone knew how i felt until january......

i've met lots of nice people and learned lots of interesting facts that have helped me tremendously....

nice to meet you .....enjoy

[kejelj]

Six days from now, on August 17, it will be 45 years since I last vomited. I'll be 57 the next day. I remember it because it was the day before my 12th birthday, and I had to spend my whole birthday in bed. I had been at a friend's house where they were burning leaves. I thought it was the smoke smell that made me feel sick. When I got home and told my mom about it, we laid on cots in the back yard. My mom ket telling me that if I just threw up, I would feel better, but I didn't want to. All of a sudden I got that feeling in my throat, and trying to swallow over and over, gulping. My mom knew what was coming and pulled me up from the cot. I threw up about four or five times. When it was over, we laid down again and I remember my mom wanting to go in the house to get her cigarettes and I cried because I didn't want her to leave me. Admittedly, I DID feel SO much better and was about to fall asleep when my mom said for us to go in the house. I went to bed and slept through the night. I didn't feel great the next day, but there was no more vomiting. Turns out it wasn't the smoke, though, as both my sisters ended up getting sick the next night.

Anyway, fast forward 45 years later. I've made it through pregnancies, and drinking bouts and have never been sick again in all these years. I don't know what will happen if I ever do. My fear now is more of other people getting sick, as I'm quite convinced now that I never will. Don't really have a secret to my success - I'm careful about what I eat, avoid amusement parks, crowds, public transportation and hospitals. I do still drink, but never to the point of oblivion. Guess I'm just lucky!

[jadepanic]

God...I hope I never vomit again,but i bet you I will one day and probbaly soon,every night I am convinced i will vomit.AND EVERY NIGHT i FEEL SICK SO IT WILL PROB BE VERY VERY SOON.

[ofcoursenot]

Thank you for sharing! I have to admit, I was kind of weary about reading this but it honestly didn't bother me because you spoke very plainly about your history. I would have been so mad at my boyfriend if he had given me a mixed tape with a recording of me from a really bad night on it! It's interesting that you describe it as a preoccupation with your vomit history because I would describe mine as almost like a haunting of my history. Haha. Not so much any more now that I'm an adult, but as a kid and teenager, I FREQUENTLY had nightmares of myself or other vomiting and when I would be bored sitting in school I would get random thoughts of people in my class vomiting and it always scared me.

One time in highschool, my friend laughingly told me that during one of her classes earlier in the day she thought she was going to be sick so she left to go to the bathroom but didn't make it and vomited a multicolor pile in the hall and felt soooo bad that she cleaned it up. Then she continued on to speculate what it could have possibly been considering it's vivid multicolor. She didn't know. But I was MORTIFIED for the rest of the day to be around her and even though she said she was fine, I made excuses not to go to her house for a week after that for fear she would be sick around me.

If we don't include times while drunk that I've vomited, I've only vomited once in the past 8 years and it was due to food poisioning from one of my most favorite canned beef stews. I hate to admit it, but when I finally lost control at about 3 am. I felt SOOO much better and only vomited once more and it was only a tiny bit after the 1st one. Then I felt fine. So I was mad at myself for wasting all that time of sleep when I could have just vomited and gotten it over with but. Yeah. Emet .

My emet focuses more on the fear of seeing OTHER people around me vomit. I have barely any agoraphobic tendancies and am only cautious around bathrooms and raw meat, but other than that nothing bothers me in that respect. I am not diagnosed with anything save for mild acid reflux which is easily helped with an OTC (Currently, Prilosec). But I'm not actually diagnosed with emetophobia, but after reading this site it could really be nothing else.

Sometimes I feel like I'm made up of peices of a lot of different mental illnesses. Hahaha. Emetophobia, obviously. Some OCD tendancies as well as Dermatillomania (I pick blemishes and scabs as well as bite my finger nails and the skin around my fingernails.) Dermatillomania has made me self concious of my body due to the scars on my shoulders, chest and legs specifically. And even though I have Emetophobia, I can't help but bite my nails when I'm stressed (especially). Even though I know that under my nails are dirty.


ANYWAY. Haha. It's nice to see you here and I can't wait to see what else you have to say.

Yeah, that mix CD...I seem to forget that the track is coming up EVERY single time. Then, I suddenly hear gagging. Gahhhhhh. Gross.

Interesting that you mentioned nightmares. I haven't had a vomit nightmare in awhile, but I seemed to have them a bit more often when I was a kid. Or, well -- maybe not "often", but they left their impression very strongly.

[damean29]

For me its like I know in my head that fearing vomit and fearing the feeling of nausea is ridiculous - cuz I never vomit. But I wish someone wud tell that to my stomach!