Question for Sage...

[sunshine16]

Hello Sage and to anyone else who wants to listen to my blabber.


I have a question that has been bothering me A LOT lately. I really, really would like to know what has made me emetophobic. I want to know if there was a trigger or something, or basically how I got emet. It's bothering me, because I feel ifI knew, then it would help me understand this phobia, myself...everything. And it would make me feel better about this whole thing. Is there anyway I could figure this out? Can you help me figure this out? I would be happy to answer any questions that could help solve the mysterey. Sage, if you could reply to this it would mean a lot...please and thankies.


Thanks for listening!

[buttercup]

I feel the same way, but not so much because I think knowing would help me, but because I want to do everything I can to prevent passing this on to my son, and maybe if I knew what caused it, like maybe the way my parents reacted when I was sick or something, then I could keep it from happening to him.

[mbs730]

You
know that is a very good question. I have always thought that the
incident with having to take the ipecac would have brought that on, but
lots of kids are given ipecac because of swallowing a poison and dont
end up with emet so I am really wondering IF that would have been the
trigger or not. Again I am wondering if some people are genetically
predisposed to it. My grandfather wasnt phobic of others v'ing but he
was of himself and never did it. And if it is possible to be
genetically predisposed to it, then I guess one little incident having
to do with v which is out of the ordinary would do it.... who knows but
I am wondering if the ipecac incident really would have been the
trigger or not. I cant think of anything else. Maybe it was also how my
mother reacted to the whole thing...who knows, all I know is that this
is VERY frusterating!



Miriam

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[sweetfreak]

Haven't visited in awhile, but thought I might try to help answer your question. Sage can back me up if she wants, or disagree.


I think the majority of emets have a genetic predisposition for general anxiety disorder. I also think most emets at some time in their childhood had some sort of traumatic experience involving v*. So, that is how the anxiety within them manifested itself. I know that is true in my case.


Sage also mentioned that there may be abandonment issues involved. For me, I am not sure if that is true. But each of us is different and may have different reasons for having this phobia.


Hope I have helped some.


Peace.

[Jenneh]

sunshine, not even sage can tell you how u got emet.


all we can do is give u pointers...


1.) it cd be all genetic


2.) u had a bad experience as a kid to do with v*ing


3.) u had a period of ur childhood where u felt out of control, i.e. divorced parents, abuse e.t.c


4.) u learned the behaviour froim someone else.


thats it, i think.


xxxx

[sage]

Okay Sunshine - some of the folks who replied are right. It may be a mystery you just can't unlock. For SURE 50% of it is genetic predisposition. Probably anxiety disorders of some kind run in your family.


The other 50% is up for grabs. It took me years to figure it out, too. Like you - I just HAD to know, and indeed it did help. But everyone's story is different.


A childhood trauma would be an easy clue - but most emets can't remember one. The idea that ONE incident causes phobia has proven to be flawed. Instead, it's something that gets built up over time.


For sure, your brain learned that vomiting is dangerous. This is the screwed-upedness (lol) of the phobia. Logically, vomiting is not the least bit dangerous. It's just unpleasant, but so are headaches and cold sores. We don't generally fear them like death itself.


I was doing a survey earlier on about childhood death/loss/abandonment. That seems to be implicated, but not everyone records that either. I think the latest research shows that there are unresolved attachment issues from early childhood - usually with mother (occasionally father or another guardian is the primary attachment figure, but 99% of the time it's mother). Mothers of phobics are generally anxious persons themselves, abusive, not available, depressed, or else not "attuned" to their infants' needs (which comes from mum's own childhood) and thus the infant becomes anxious. Parental conflict/divorce/abandonment by one parent is also a root cause of anxiety. Since for a little kid vomiting is a sudden (and therefore scary) occurence, added to the fact that attachment issues flare up whenever a child is sick anyway...often this is the root cause - vomiting gets "hooked in" to the already existing anxiety and bingo - you got yourself a phobia. Again, it's not one event, but often worms its way in over time.


Does any of this fit? Despite all this research and what we know about it, there's always someone who says their childhood was perfect and/or their parents were perfectand yet they still have emet or some other symptoms. These people are a mystery, and tend to answer this way over the internet, or in a brief interview...there's no way to dig deeper with the right questions in this kind of relationship. But a good therapist should help you get to the root of it if you tell them that's what you want from the relationship. Many short-term-treatment therapists don't want to "waste time" getting at the cause cuz the truth is the treatment is the same no matter what the cause.


But I can totally relate to you wanting to know - I was like that too.


Lemme know how any or all of this sits.

[mbs730]

Hmm very interesting, my mother has major anxiety issues
and from what I understand my grandfather was also an emet. He was
phobic of himself vomiting but not of others. I am more so the
opposite of that. I am more phobic of others vomiting than I am of
myself unless I am faced with the possibility of it happening. However
since my mother knows this, I wish she was more sympathetic, and she
even has a phobia, which is of insects. I am not phobic of insects but
I dont make fun of her either whenever she freaks out after seeing one.
However she is much better about my emet than she used to be.



Miriam

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[sunshine16]

Sage:


What you wrote (and thank you for writing all that!) really makes me think. Everything in my childhood was fine...no loss until i was 12 (and already really terribly had emet), no adbandonment, divoce, anything. No trauma. BUT: my mother does have an anxiety disorder. So like you said, that's 50%. Now the other 50...I don't know where that is.


But could my mother having an anxiety disorder really...how do I say this...create my phobia for me? I know that's why I have MY anxiety disorder...but my emet?


And I was thinking, what if my grandmas were half emet. My mom's mom nor my dad's mom was ever ever ever a v*er. They (and believe me, they're old!) to this day can count how many times they've v*ed on one hand...much like an emet. And whenever they are stressed or have anxiety, they're tummy's hurt. Could this have anything to do with my emet? Sorry if I missed the boat here tho...


Thanks a billion sage, your the bestest! =)

[sage]

What you are guessing seems to make sense, Sunshine. Of course, it's impossible to psychoanalyze someone over the internet. I can only guess, too - and hopefully that will be insightful.


Your mother having an anxiety disorder doesn't just count for 50% either. It explains the 50% genetics ("nature") but the 50% that's "nurture" would be affected as well by an anxious mother. Anxious mothers make for anxious babies and anxious little kids. Tummies getting affected in the family would explain how it manifests itself in a "tummy disorder" of some kind. Plus, as I said, vomiting is scary for any kid. Add to that an anxious mother...it seems to make sense.


But if your family is fairly stable - as you say - then the good news is that it's treatable, and will be easier to treat because of this.


Good luck!

[maryp]

Hi to everyone. I am Mary. I am new to the site. I have been emet for almost 20 years of my life, so I think. I have always had this problem, but never knew there was a name for it. I just thought that I was being overreacting about a common life occurance. Everyone in my family thinks that I'm silly and that I am just being dramatic. They don't think that I have a real problem because they have never heard of this kind of disorder. I am normally okay on a day to day basis, but if I so much as hear someone say they feel nauseous or feel sick, I'm like, Get away from me! I start to get real nervous, my stomach feels upset. I start to pace. I get kind of like chest pains. I just feel like I'm losing control of myself. I don't want to be around anyone sick v***. I get so down when any of my family or anyone close to me is sick like that? I have a 4 year old daughter named Hailey. She is beautiful and she's the best thing I ever did in life. But when she's sick v***, I can't get anywhere near her. I'm so scared that I will catch it, that I cringe if I have to get close to her for anything. It's the same with my husband. I feel like such a bad mother and wife. It hurts me to see my little girls face when she's sick and I can't be there by her side. My husband is pretty good about taking over when she's sick like that because he knows that I can't tend to her. It's not a weak stomach issue at all. I just am terrified to be around anyone that is v***. It's different though if I know that they're not contagious. I'm still nervous to be around them but it's not even half as bad. Does that sound like emet to you? If anyone who reads this can help me, I would be so grateful. I need to know what to do first. What is the first step of getting help with my emet? I want to get better for my family and myself. But I don't know where to start. Please help me go in the right direction. I am so confused. But I do know that this site has made me feel better already. At least I know that I am not alone and others know how I feel. I know that finding this site was step 1. Can anybody tell me what steps to take next to get help?


Please respond anyone,


Mary

[sunshine16]

Sage,


Thank you so much for answering that. The pieces of the puzzle all seem to fit now. Its such a relief to know the possiblities of how I got emet. Thank you sage, your a saviour! =) it feels great knowing the causes, and does help. Thanks thanks thannks!

[Jenneh]

Mary, welcome to our family.


to me, it sounds like you have a classic case of emetophobia. its absolutely fantastic that uv got a little daugher though. i bet she really brightens up ur life somewhat!


its good to hear that ur husband is quite tolerant and will just tke over wen ur daughter gets sick. but dont feel guilty about it. its not ur fault at all.


im not really sure how health services work in the USA, but how i went about grettin sum help, was going to the GP and she referred me to a psychiatrist. i guess it was a very hard, but good thing to do because its better than stuck in a life with emet controlling ur every move.


anyway, yeah, so you could go about seeing a therapist thru ur GP or smthing. thers lots of differnt treatments u cud try. exposure therapy, CBT e.t.c. i *thihnk* some details are on the treatments thread and if u research on the net u can get a pretty good idea of what each therapy entails e.t.c


good luck with it all, and i hope u return to us soon to tell us hgow u r getting on.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxEdited by: Jenneh

[sage]

Mary - go to the top of the Treatments thread and read the sticky topics there. It's really helpful.


And don't despair - yes, what you have is emetophobia - but there is lots of help out there and thousands of people are successfully treated for it.


Good luck!

[ejb199]

hey everyone

its been really interesting reading these posts and the ideas about why/where the emet has come from. But i just dont fit at all.. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]
no anxious parents, no abuse, no traumas, no nothing - what the hell is wrong with me then!! why do i have this? there is no logical reason - i have had and still have a perfect life - but still i get depressed - still ive been worried about being sick since 4 or 5 - am i just self obsessed and selfish? i dunno!

[sage]

ejb:


it will be hard to tell without meeting you and talking for at least an hour - maybe more...so internet shrinks are really quite paralyzed and helpless...


but for sure, you're not just selfish or self-obsessed. I wonder where you got this idea...hmmm...exploring whose "voice" you hear in your head when you say thatabout yourself might start to unlock some doors with clues...


you also may need to look farther back in your family than just parents or siblings to find the emotional disorders. Grandparents? Aunts and uncles? Even great-grandparents. It usually takes 3-4 generations of something going on for a mental disorder to show up, especially when there's no trauma. Think about this, anyway.

[Jenneh]

ejb it might all be down to genetics... as i think Sage was implyin up there ^^^


there doesnt always HAVE to have a strong reason lke that. iv done a lot of research on phobias for my psychology coursewrk, and an explanation of phobias can be the diathesis-stress model.


meaning, each individual has a set level of stress that they can deal with without it manifesting into ne kinda disorder -- when the level of stress in ur life goes ABOVE that level, unfortunately thers a high chance the stress and strains will manifest itself into a psychological disorder for you.


so, it doesnt have to be nething big, like abuse or divorce or anything.... maybe ur just a particualrly sensitive person ... (who have the biggest hearts may i add [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img])


Jen xxxxxxxx

[maryp]

Question for Sage


I went to the treatments page and there was something about some kind of prof paper that you have written. Could you email me the attachment. I would really like to read it. My email is [email protected].


Thanks


Maryp

[bethie_bear]

I fear other people vomiting more than I fear myself vomiting because I think I can control myself from doing it seing as it hasnt happened in such a long time! But is it possible that I fear others more because I dont know when they r going to do it! Like a stranger in the street dosent turn to you and say Im going to be sick now! This question might sound stupid but I want to know everything about this disorder in order to get rid of it! Im trying to figure out when I got it. I thought I had always been scared of sick then I remember one time wen I was at nursery so I was 3 and I came down with a stomach bug and my mum was just about to take me to toys r us but because I was ill I couldnt go! Myabe I suffer becasue I think getting ill stops you doing things??? I feel like an idiot asking these questions but I really want this phobia to dissapiear I hate living in fear and dont like discussing it with my family becasue they shout at me. My boyfriend understands but I dont think he likes knowing! My friends know but they dont understand at all! Im quite new to this website and have read other peoples posts but Im quite shy even if it is over the net so still find it hard to discuss!

[sage]

Hey Maryp - I think I sent this to you becuase of a request on another thread? I sent it anyway. Plus the paper is onsite at the top of the treatments thread - you just have to copy it into MS Word and clean up the spacing a bit.


Bethie bear!


Welcome - your question isn't stupid at all. I was the same as you for many years - only fearing others because I didn't "fear" myself, knowing I just wouldn't do it. Through the course of my treatment, I discovered that I really feared others because I believed that if they're suddenly sick, the sight, sound and smell of it would suddenly make me sick - in public - without me having any control!


Treatment involved gradual exposure to yucky pictures, films and eventually in-person situations of people vomiting, so that I came to realize I would not be sick from seeing someone else sick. And I was actually not in danger (horrible danger, as I previously "believed") when someone else was sick.


As for the cause - again - who knows? It's a combination of things and the only way to get truly to the bottom of it is to spend a good long time with a competent therapist who will explore it with you. If I were your therapist, I'd probably begin with the family dynamic you describe as your parents "shouting at you" when you talk about your deepest fears, feelings and needs.


Just a thought...


Good luck - and never be shy to ask anything here!