fed up and feel like no one cares

[mbs730]

I am so tired of this damn emet. I used to be not so
consumed by it as I am now but I have been alienating myself from my
family. My family, you know the people who dont understand how I am
feeling and are impatient about my emet. Since they have no patience
for me, I have no patience for them and their ignorance. I just tried
making myself gag again and what a surprise, NOTHING happened. I want
to get this all over with. I'm so sick of this. I'm really depressed,
tired and feel like screaming. Well take care. I'm sure you are all
tired of me too.



Miriam

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[2jo2]

Definately not tired of you! Lean on us when you're down, that's what we're here for!!!


I admire you for going for the extreme in trying to just get emet gone, I know I couldn't do that. Just keep coming here and keep trying with your family, I know it's frustrating.... people just don't understand unless they've walked in those shoes. Ever since I was a kid, I've been afraid of bees/wasps/hornets/yellowjackets and my parents were SOOOOO un-tolerant of it. I would run away, scream, cry when there was a bee near and they would yell at me to just stop it, they won't hurt me. I swear that phobia is just as bad as my emet, so you know how afraid I am of the useless thing they are... anyways, we all know that just telling someone to get over it doesn't work. They didn't understand, they're not in my head, it was frustrating. I never admitted my emet, or they may have been un-tolerant of that too. So my point is, I totally understand the family not getting it thing. Just know that we're here for you if you need us, and don't let this thing get you down!!!!! Feel better soon.

[mbs730]

I dunno I get that feeling, I am TRUELY TRUELY alone in this.</font>

[giff1949]

Miriam,

I know how alone you feel. I felt that way for so many years, but you are not alone. When you feel that way just come on here and realize everyone on this site feels your pain and understands. We will NEVER get tired of you or anyone else. This is something we suffer together and it bonds us like glue. Our families and friends may never understand the magnitude of this problem, but your friends here certainly do, so please know you are not alone.

Take care,
Debbie</font>

[sbias]

Miriam,


You are so ready to beat this thing.... If I can point some things out real fast, first off when I went after my emet, I wanted to thrust fingers...make myself gag... Things of that nature, but I don't think that is the answer. I somehow came to the conclusion that the actual act wasn't what was wrong, I think it was the fear of being sick, not getting sick, that was the trigger.


I stopped trying to make myself sick, but put myself in situations that would have normally caused my emet to go crazy, I drank alcohol, rode a roller coaster, ate a big meal then went out. If I had an attack I went out. The secret for me was to supress the attack, eat a big meal, then leave the house, what I consider the "comfort zone", the attack will start, then you have to face it away from that zone. When the "OH MY GOD" kicks in, pull over on the side of the road, or go to a public restroom, go to the toilet and tell yourself, OVER AND OVER AGAIN... If it happens, oh well, I would take a picture of my son when he was a baby in a santa hat, and stare at it.


The first and foremost problem is convincing yourself that if you get sick then so be it. When you let your defenses down that first time, and say "OK BRING IT ON." Your emet will go crazy. When I started fighting the attack was severe, but I told myself if I get sick in this bathroom (Public restroom), I have a place to clean up, If I faint or pass out someone will find me, if I absolutely flip COMPLETELY out, I am near people, someone can call someone.


I would feel what I call a v rush, then belch, or cramp for a second, prepare for the worst and nothing would happen. 10 out of 10 times for me NOTHING would happen. I would get the sweaty palms, the nasty taste, the light headedness and think THIS IS IT!!!! And boom nothing, and attack over, after you do this two or three time, the attacks are less intense, you gain the upper hand you are in control. God Miriam I am so praying for you, you took such a big step to try and make yourself ill, you can beat it, you are so close, good luck, I hope something I said helped.


Stephen

[sarahx]

Stephen, u r so inspiring!!


Miriam... i know how u feel... nobody understands apart from the ppl on here. It feels like nobody can help. I think stephens right... its not the actual act of v* thats the problem its the fear and nausea beforehand. When i last v*ed afterwards i was like, that wasnt so bad, but i still had the fear, the emet. Thats what we need to get rid of. Even if u were to v* the emet wouldnt just go away... it could make things worse?


Thats why all of us need therapists etc they can help us change the way we act/feel/react to v* and v* situations? has this made sense? Im not so good at getting my point across sorry!!!


Im trying my hardest not to give into this emet and hell ive only had it for 2 and a half yrs so what im going thru cant be anything compared to other ppl on here who have had it for years and years???


Im always here to chat if u want to...


Sarah xxx

[Jenneh]

Miriam, no, dont do it mate.


DONt try and make urself sick. its NOT going to work!


ur sound very very distressed.. and its not exactly surprising i think all of us here are to a certain extent. bt please doint make this any harder on urself. instead of beating urself up that u have a phobia... be kinder to urself.


sooo u alienate urself from ur family for a while... people do that ANYWAY, without even a phobia as a reason! u have to understand that ur just human, and so cant be perfect. especially not with this phobia .


Jen xxxxxx

[mbs730]

Thanks everyone who responded. I have made a firm decision, no more tittering and I will create a new thread about it.



Miriam

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