Going through hell *GRAPHIC*

[Hale]

Graphic


I am so scared at the moment. I hav just had the worst weekend ever. I went to bed on Friday night at about 11.00pm. I woke up at 12.30, went to the loo, went to get back into bed and had to run to the loo again. I had the worst diarrhea I have ever had. This went on for about an hour and I wasn't feel particularly sick, just unwell and scared. I told Mark that I was sure I had got a bug or food poisoning but he has heard that so many times he told me I hadn't. I went to the kitchen to get a plain biscuit but a wave of nausea came over me so i didn't have one. I grabbed a bowl just in case and then had to run back to the loo. Another horrible wave came over me and I started to get really scared. I tied my hair up (again just in case because I didn't really believe anything would happen) and tried to calm myself down and tell myself that if anything did happen it would probably be a good opportunity to face my fears. This horrible feeling came over me and I shouted to Mark to come quicklybecaus I was going to be sick. He told me I wasn't but as soon as he got intothe bathroom I started retching. Nothing came up but I wasn't deliberately trying to stop it happening. Then 3 hours later the same thing happened again only this time it went on for longer. It was hell.I don'tknow how there could havebeen anything left in my stomach anyway buttherewas.I could taste and smell it and feel it trying to come up, I even wanted it to come out to get it over. I think the fact that nothing came up made me more worried than if I had of been. I could not believe it was happening. i didn't feel as bad as I thought I would when I got a stomach bug and I only had a few minutes warning before it nearly happened. I was and still am really shaken up. I was begging Mark to let me kill myself all day saturday, and then my mum came round yesterday (sunday) and I was begging them both to help me die because I can't handle this.


My mum called the out of hours doctors service and I had to answer loads of questions thenthey rang back with an appointment for me to see a doctor at the local hospital 15 mins away. I was petrified of going in the car but I made it. The doctor washorrible though, whenI told him about the phobia he got this stupid smirk on his face and whenI said i would rather die than go through this he assumed I meant I felt like I was dying. When heasked how moften I felt sick I told him most days but we knew this was different and genuine and that it was definately a bug because my sister had started with it a few hours after me and my dad started with it on saturday night. He said an anti-emetic injection wouldn't help because I was imagining it, he really wasn't listening, even my mum who is not always the most supportive of people (even though we are very close) was getting really angry). Anyway in the end he did give me an injection, but I was convinced he hadn't really giving me an anti-emetic injection. It helped for a while but I woke up feeling bad again today.


It is now Monday and I still feel sick, I am still having diarrhea,I can still taste ITand I haven't eaten anything since Friday night because I am too scared. I know that is not very sensible but I can't face anything other than water and a few polo mints. So now I feel like I am going to faint. I am really not coping well. I am just so shook up. I really thought I would have more warning. What if I had been driving or at work? We have only been our flat 3 weeks but if I could move again i would because the bathroom brings back the memeories of what happened. I feel so stupid and embarrassed and ashamed. Mark and my mum have been great but they don't really understand. I am sorry this is so long or if I upset people but I really need to share. If anyone has any advise or words of wisdom I would be very grateful. Sorry again.

[terified girl]

Sweetie, I can definately understand where your coming from and why you are so shaken up, you probably did have the bug but now you are ok, you just have the after effects which is the D*, so you should try to calm down, you made it through, as horrible as it sounded, I would have wanted to die right then and there too. But remember that this hasn`t happened to you ever or in a long long time and think about it, when will it happen again, in 10 years from now???


Its over now, give yourself a hug, you survived, and now you can relax, I promise you it is over. If you say both your sis and dad had it, well then from Friday night, its well passed by now...


Get some sleep and you'll feel better, and try to forget what happened, it'll take a while but you'll see eventually it won'tscare you anymore, it'll be just an unpleasant memory


Take care and let us know how you are doing


SoniA

[Jenneh]

awwww i cant imagine how scared u must be feeling.. that sounds absolutely horrible..


that Doctor... ARGH i cud kill him. we may feel nausea every day, but we KNOW when its the real thing when we come across it!! im sorry he was such a bastard to you.


im so very glad u were at home... as u say, if u ewre out driving or somewher, god knows what wud have happened...


i think it wil take a while for u to get ur confidence back up again to eat sumthing... but maybe when you can, start with ur safe foods? they say a piece of dry toast, no butter or anything, is good for nausea. see what you can manage.


i think you got thru a very very tough experience there, u r very very brave. im not surprised u were wanting to die!


hope ur feeling better soon.


Jen xxxxxxxxx

[sarahx]

(((hugs)))


That must have been horrible for you, i remember the last time i was sick and i was terrified for days after that it would happen again. And nobody understood that it was like being in hell. I hope you are feeling better now.


Sarah xxx

[party_boi3423]

Hi hale.


I also forgot to say on my diary entry on emetonline.co.uk that you shouldnt let your mind give in and say you want to kill yourself. Ive always let my mind say that to me. If im tempted to commit suicide, i just think about the effect it would have on my family. I am aware of how much they love me and that puts me off completely. I could physically never do that to them! Plus I lvoe them too much to put them through the pain of loosing a family member - ive been through it and know how it feels! I really do hope you feel better soon!


God Bless, Chris

[sunshine16]

(((BIG Hugz!)))
Hunn, I am soo sorry that you had to go through that. I would have felt like dying myself, so you are not alone with that. I admire you for seeming so much braveer than I could ever be about that!
It sounds to me like you DID have the flu, but since we are emets and it takes the world for us to get sick, then what happened to you is the worst it will get. Think of it as the emet flu ;-)
And as for that doctor...what a disrespectful, not understanding, un compassionate, stupid person. So there!
I really, really hope you are feelling better now. Let us know how you're coping.

[mbs730]

Oh
hun I FEEL for you, I had a horrible experience on Saturday night but
mine was peanuts compared to what you went through! Let us know how you
are feeling!



Miriam

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[Hale]

Thankyou everyone. I just got back from the doctor who I don't think has a clue about this phobia but he is nice and actually listened. He is referring me back to the Mental Health Team which is good because i go back to work next week and don't want to continue in this state while I am at work. He also gave me some anti-emetics (metroclopramide) which I don't want to take but at least if I have got them here when I can pluck up the courage to eat I will feel a bit safer. My sister has been really ill with it but is better today probably because she has sickness and diarrhea and got ri of it quicker than me. My dad hates v* (although he is not an emet - he only hates in when its happening, he doesn't worry like we do) and has the bug but although he felt sick he has not come close. Me and my Dad very rarely get bugs though and I am so careful about washing my hands. I don't know who I could have caught it from, noone that I know of has had a bug for weeks. I feel a bit better at the moment but my stomach is still dodgy, maybe because I missed my anti-spasmodics for IBS on saturday and yestetday. Nights have me freaking out, my worst time is always nights and weekends, because I always seem to get bugs then, but never have had one in the summer before. It was such a shock. I think Mark was as taken aback as me when it started happening because he has heard me say I was going to be sick so many times and I haven't been and although I wasn't he knew I was as close as you can get to being. It must have been awful for him and my mum the way I was talking. i could not apologise enough. Anyway, thanks again everyone. You are all brilliant. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sunshine16]

Aww I am glad that you are feeling a bit better. And I am also glad that you got a really nice doctor that helped you a little bit. Don't be afraid to take your anti emetics, they are only going to help you. And remember, you are more likely to v* with nothing in your stomach then you are with food in your stomach. I'm like you, I don't catch flu's easy, in fact have only caught one in my 13 years of living! Sorry that your family is a bit sick too, hope they get better soon!


Take care, feel better, sending you BIG hugs!

[rhinoseri]

That must have been terrible[img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]Glad you're feeling a bit better now,though. Hopefully that doesn't happen again to you!

[Galadriel]

Hey there!


Man I am so sorry you had to go thro that!! I know its REAL REAL hard to get your confidence back up after something like that.


Well if it helps you any, the bugs I have had in the past few years, others around me got them too, like your sister did, so thats waht it was. I know its so frightening, but you made it. I know I felt like i wanted to die, but I also knew in my mind that it wouldnt last forever, people get these things and they dont die, and they recover and are fine again. The same will happen for you. That def. was a bug, they can hit pretty fast like that. Mine went much like yours did. You may feel off for a few days, I did too after mine, but your body will get back its balance, and you'll be okay. I know its a real shocker, and yes it scares the poo outta you when its going on, but you pretty much went thro some of the worst right there. You said you almost wanted to v* just to get it over with, well that right there is the worst it gets, and you made it thro it, your out on the other side, and you didnt die, people dont hate you, we still all love you here and think good of you. Just try somehow to make it into a experience that you can say "yes that was awful, but I MADE it throughand Im here to tell the tale".

[pippi]

Are you sure its a bug? Did you all eat the same food? Did you have fever? It sounds more like a food poison issue.
I'm glad you are feeling better.
You need to eat. Start with the brat diet. Banana's rice apple and toast. Ease back into foods. You need your strenght and your health to go back to work (teacher right ) your immune system needs the food to fight off other bugs.
Much love and hugs to you...
Also You made it through an awful awful thing! You did it! you lived and you are most likely going to be healthy for many more years before having to face something like that again!

[mistydb27]

That must have been miserable!


It takes me several days to be able to eat after an episode of any kind but she is right about the brat diet. Bananas and rice are especially good for D*. Nights are my worst times too and I have found that sleeping in the living room with the TV on is a little more comforting.


Hang in there and you'll feel better in a few days.





Misty

[Hale]

Thanks everyone,


I am sure it was a bug because I have just moved out of my parents house so I have not been eating the same as my Dad and sister but the thought that is could be food poisoning crossed my mind before I knew my sister was ill. I managed some toast and a crumpet yesterday but 10 minutes after I had eaten the crumpet i thought it was going to happen again and got myself very worked up so i took one of the anti-emetics the doctor gave me. I am so scared to eat. I have always eaten well for someone with this phobia and had the attitude that not eating will make me more likely to catch a stomach bug but at the moment I keep thinking what i don't put in can't come out. I am too scared to out. since friday the only places I have been are to the hospital on Sunday and the Drs yesterday. I really don't think I can face going out today, I haven't got the energy and I am scared I will feel sick or need the loo. I can't sleep properly because i fear that I will wake up and be ill like I was on Friday night. I have seen the kids I work with who are 4 and 5 act more adult than me. I am really struggling to pick myself up again. Thankyou again for all your support.

[trickyvicky]

Hale i'm so sorry to hear that this has happened,there are alot of viruses going around and as the the weather in england is so up and down all the time,this is when the body seems to drop it's immune system.....I know how hard it is to try and eat after u have had a virus,as like u say u don't want to eat just incase.....Bugs like stomach viruses only stay in the system ,if u don't get rid of the bug,.i.e by eating to quickly,and normally they take up 24-48hrs after the first sympton,everyone varys....But the reason why your body is still feeling sick and very unsettled,is because for one thing ,or bodys don't funtion properly on no food and also u have probably lost alot of fluid.....so please try to drink as much as u can,something very light thou.NO tea or coffee....it can dihydrate u even more.....And as for food,try and find something that u really like,even soup is a good thing to start off with.Don't worry if u can't eat it all,even if it's a few spoon fulls,thats enough,as your body will feel sick again as u are putting food into an empty stomach and the stomach will start to work over time when it starts to receive food,the digestive system starts to work over time.....And u said that u suffer with IBS,well as u are probably aware it will take a will for your bowels to get back to normal.i know that then when i get an upset bowels,when i try to eat,i get this really heavy feeling in the bowels and makes me a little nausea....it's like a vicious circle really.....I'm really feeling for u at the moment.....IT doesn't sound like food poisioning as u would have been sick,with out fail.....But u say u work with kids,u have probably picked it up from them,kids are the worse for washing hands and always having there hands in places that us adults wouldn't even think about.....I was a nanny for 5yrs and every year i got a sickness bug,but it was only once that i was sick.....I think us emets are very unlikley to be sick and we probably just gag and urge through aniexty......


take care hun and i hope u feel better soon keep us posted


will be thinking of u


vicky xx

[Galadriel]

Hey there,


Listen DONT make yourself feel guilty about it. Those 4 and 5 year olds do NOT have a phobia about it. Ive had enough of being made to feel like an idiot when I was scared over loud noises, and my parents would point to some little 1 year old who was happily sitting there and say "look at him, hes not acting like you" well DUH the kid DOESNT HAVE A PHOBIA!! Sorry, it just makes me upset, and I dont want you making yourself feel guilty for something that really you cant help. Youve been thro a lot, just give yourself a break, and eat light and dont worry about other people. You did VERY WELL for an emet, so dont put yourself down about it. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[trickyvicky]

Hale i just thought of something else.When i was really ill with not eating properly due to anxiety and worrying that if i ate i might be sick,i found it difficult to start eating again,like u i felt sick every time i tryed to eat,even thou mine wasn't a bug,i still needed the right vitamins and nutrients.so my doctor prescribed me ensure plus,it's a drink,the one I've got is based on dried milk,but it's like a milkshake but has all the right nutrients in it that the body needs,it's only fluids so it's like drinking a drink.....But I'm sure they do ones that are not milk based,so i don't know if this is something that u can look into....It's worth it,if u can get someone of your strength back......And as for sleeping,that used to be my worse time was when the world goes quiet.....but i found any relaxation tape helps....try sleeping when u want to sleep and the times that u are awake keep yourself busy with either reading or even watching the olympics.....i found cross-stitches a big help.I've been agoraphobic for nearly 3yrs now and I've just started to get back out again ,it's been long run,but please try and get out even if it's to the end of the road and back,because when u are feeling strong enough,things will only be harder if u don't face what fears u the most,going out.....I was so wrong to just stay in,as it made the process and getting out bit soooooooo much harder in the long run......I'm really sorry I've waffled on but i really feel for u at the moment and hoping u can pick yourself up with a little bit of guidance,if thats what this is LOL !!!!!


Take care vicky

[sbias]

I for one am very proud of you. It takes a lot of guts, to one admit your fear, and it takes a lot more to not give up when you are facing it. You need to tell yourself that the worst is over. Think about this for a second, you have now dealt with the hardest thing an Emet has to go through, having a stomach flu, and I for one applaud you. The hard part as with mewas telling myself that even though I felt like utter crap, it really wasn't that bad.


You also was dry heaving, which was several times worse for me, than the actual V. I am so proud of you. I hope you can build on this, and come over top the mountain.


Love,


Stephen

[Hale]

Thankyou all agin. I am not feeling well agin at the moment. I have just had a few crisps but they made me feel really ill again. Do you think it's all in my mind now? I mean the bug started 12.30 friday night/saturday morning and it is now 2.20pm Tuesday. Thanks everyone.

[clairethebear]

Hale. What a horrible time you have had but good on you for surviving it. You have been very brave. Not sure about the all in the mind stuff really. It is easy to think ourselves "still ill" when we aren't and I know that is something I tend to do a lot. Most bugs would have passed by now I would have thought. What I do think is that not eating anything or much at all will not help. I know from personal experience that the longer you leave off little or no food the harder it is to start back eating again. You feel sick at the thought of food which then makes you convinced you are still ill when in fact it is just the fact that your stomach is just totally empty. You probably need a good meal inside you. I usually build up slowly. The same things happened to m a couple of weeks ago when I had some meds that were not agreeing with me and in total I think I felt ill for about 6 weeks. It was difficult to eat but I had to make myself do so and also drinking plenty is very very important. I do hope this passes soon but remember we all understand and we all know exactly what you are going through.


Take care.


Claire x

[party_boi3423]

Well done hale! I always find however ill i get (even if it is slightly nauseous) i get really worked up! But with you, you're coping great for someone who was recently sick and you're eating which is a really good sign of tackling the phobia, even if its the smallest way. You're doing really well hale!!!

[Melikasa]

BIG hugs hun


I am behind on all the topics and late in my reply. I think you were brilliant and you handled it just fine (for an emet) I am sorry that on top of all your hardship that you got an a$$ for a doctor.
Dont let thoughts of "I could have been at work: or "what if I had been out" plague you. It didn't and most likely never will. I don't want to see you do what I did. I ended up no going out more than about 1/2 a block because I was afraid that I might.
Good for you for eating. Keep it up. You are feeling shaky and off because you have nothing in your system. Some of it is in your mind because you are convincing yourself that anything in your stomach is going to make you sick but of course there is some physical aspects as well. Your stomach is still a little off from all the "heaving" and you need to take your time and let it get use to the food again. You need to sip on stock/broth, nibble on toast, crackers anything dry and bland and graduate up to maybe a little peanutbutter on toast. Rest up and be proud that you made it through the other side.

[Galadriel]

Hey there!


I agree eat bland things!! I know from personal experience that NOT eating can make you feel so awful that you can think that your stomach flu is continuing, when really its just hunger. Sometimes when you haven't eaten for a long while and your stomach has been empty, it can feel real off when you finally DO eat something. This happened to me a few weeks back. I would eat, then I would feel all sick and stomach was churny, but it wasn't because I was sick, it was because I was trying to put food in where there hadnt been any for a long time. To get over that, really the only thing to do is to make yourself eat SMALL AMOUNTS over the course of the day. Dont try and make yourself eat a huge meal. Just say, eat some crakers, then the next hour maybe an apple, and the next maybe some toast, like that. That way you get your stomach "introduced" to food again, and then the feeling of being off goes away because you can eat normally again.

[mbs730]

I'm
not sure if everyone would agree but I think the BRAT (banana rice
applesauce toast) diet is a good way to get things back into gear
again. But do it very, very slowly. In that case you will be in very
good shape.



Miriam

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[Hale]

Today I managed to eat 2 crumpets and a packet of ready salted crisps which is more than yesterday. I know I have got to eat because I am getting very dizzy even when I sit down. This has been going on since the early hours of saturday morning so I know if I don't eat I will go downhill ( I am trying to convince myself, rather than you goes!!!). I just find it so hard to gt it into my head that IT won't hapen again. To add something positive I did manage a 2 minute walk around the block with Mark so that was a big step - I even managed to leave the bowl at home!!!Thankyou all so much for your support. I will never say nobody cares again!

[party_boi3423]

Hi Hale.


My advice is eating ice lollies. This is going to sound really odd telling you to eat ice lollies but last time my sister was sick, she ate ice lollies and they really helped - probably because they are half food half drink lol. Although, you probably have the same chance of vomiting due to dizziness as well as what youve been going through since friday. I mean, if you think about it, you effectively havent eaten properly since friday evening and you really need to eat and get back into a healthy eating regime! I hope everything goes well and everything gets back to normal. I'll be thinking of you!


God Bless ya, chris

[Hale]

Thanks Chris. That is a good idea because i am still only managing Crumpets and Crips which is starting to get very boring but our fridge/freezer broke 2 weeks ago and our new one has not been delivered yet so I would have nowhere to keep them. Thanks for the thought though. Edited by: Hale

[Eternity]

I was ill at uni... I was ill for a long time, actually, n afterwards I found although I got better, I didnt feel better, for ages. All I can offer is that what youre feeling now is only a combination of emet n not eating, n it does get better in time, you will forget, n maybe even look back n think it wasnt that bad.