Don't be sorry, you can't help how you feel. I feel almost exactally as you do, my family doesn't understand it either. They try to but they can't and one time i had an sv* and my brother was laughing at me cause i had been crying. All i can say is try to just take it hour by hour. Thats all i can take, and sometimes even that is too much. Also, i have a therapist who has tried numerous things such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which has actually helped. As well as trying a new anti-depressant to help me get through this very very rough patch.
I hope you are ok, don't give up. I know there is more to life that this, and even though its hard to believe that, i must believe that there will one day be a time when i no longer fear this. I hope this for you as well.
Stay well,
Erin
PM me if you ever need to talk
\"The habbits of inattention and absence are strong, yet the experience of life, moment by moment, is precious\"
AIM = burnbaby1017