Yuk guys I had this really bad dream last night and to be honest it is not the first time that I have had such a dream and it got me wondering whether what I am about to tell you is something you guys experience too.
Well basically I wreckon I went to bed feeling a bit yucky anyway, but I think that was my own fault cause I gavemyself anxiety because I went to the doctors and whilst I was waiting I was sitting with my legs crossed and one hand on the seat. Anyway after that I went shopping with my partner and as we were putting the food shopping in the bags you know when you haveyour wet yourfinger slightly to get the damn things to open well I suddenly realised that the finger I was licking was from the hand that I had placed on the chair and I suddenly thought of all the germs that must have been on that chair and I suddenly started feeling ill cause I had convinced myself that I would surely get a bug from that. Anyway, I had this dream that I felt really really ill and I didn't know what was wrong but I was sure that I was gonna v. I kept asking for reassurance and it almost kept happening until it did. Anyway, for the rest of the dream I was constantly v'ing. What I really find bizarre is that I always wake up from such a dream feeling exactly like I did in the dream, really sick, but kind of knowing thatI won't be. I am just not sure how you can wake up from a dream actually feeling the same as you did then ie sick to the pit of your stomach. Does anyone else experience this? It takes ages for the feeling to go away and I have to will myself to forget about it and if I think about it too long then I almost feel like I am going to gag and I begin to tell myself that it wasn't a dream and that in actual fact I do feel really sick.
Also, during the dream I woke up sweating buckets and my pillow was absolutely sodden where I had salivated so much. Gross!
This dream also got me thinking about exactly what it is I am scared of. When I first v'd in the dream it seemed to last forever and ever and I think that is one of my fears. Most people tell you that they v once and feel much better and that is that but I don't tend to see it like that. I fear that it won't stop or it will just go on too long. My other fear I think is how many times I will v. I could perhaps cope with it if I knew it would only be the once, if a person only had the capacity to v once, but no one knows how many times they could v and that is what scares me I think cause when I was young I had a nasty stomach bug and I thought it would never come to an end. Sorry if I am waffling guys but I needed to vent this cause I feel a bit icky right now and rather disturbed. I mean who wants to dream about v! There are much nicer things a girl could dream about!
Thanks for listening guys.
Claire xx