One Month Anniversary

[HDogg]

Well, yesterday (or last night, in the wee hours of the morning), I had my one month anniversary of v*. A month seems like nothing compared to the 19 years I had perviously, but it seems like just yesterday, but also a long time. I have been a nervous wreck all month. My emet has been very severe. When I panicked before, I used to think in the back of my mind, "I haven't done it in so long, why would I now?" But now, when I panic, I think the worst. I think, it's possible now.


I worry about things (like clothing and my jacket) that could have remnants of my virus on them, and I could suddenly re-infect myself. I know that I had a little immunity from catching it again,but how long does it last? A few weeks? A month? Six months? I am worrying like never before and I hate it!


I've been taking meds for a few weeks and finally went back to a therapist, but when I told him about emet, he had the typical "Huh?" look. I wish this phobia was more well known and understood. The only thing I can tell him, is that it is very closely related to the fear of losing control. But what does "losing control" mean anyway?


I'm just a mess right now. No job. No sanity. On the verge of no hope. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] I really want to get better. I just have no idea how. I've been suffering for over 20 years. Is the rest of my life going to be this bleak?

[angles]

i know it always feels like there's never going to be a light at the end of the tunnel with emet.. i wonder if anyone has actually ever completely gotten over it?


i know what you mean about fearing there's germs on the clothes you wore when you were sick.. when i last threw up a long time ago i was wearing my school tunic and every time i even hear the word tunic i get all panicky. i guess all i can offer is sympathy and that i totally understand how you're feeling right now.





*hugs*

[melissarene]

I know how you feel about the therapist not understanding you or what the phobia is about. I had the same problem with my last therapist. She didn't havea CLUE. I was a bit prepared. I printed out some information about the phobia, but still....We never even really talked about it. The last two therapists I have been two really just wanted me to talk about my day, week, past. But we never seem to focus on the phobia or the anxiety around it and that pissed me off greatly. I wish there was a registry or websites listings for therapists with experience in helping others with phobias. That would be AWESEOME.


I understand how you feel. I had the stomach flu right around the time you did a month ago, but I was fortunate enough to only have D*. But I still wondered when I get nauseated if this is going to finally be the time I v*...If it was then that my 6 years of not having to would be broken! I'm almost afraid to even put down that it has been that long, I'm afraid to jinx it all.

[andee]

Hi HDogg, I know it sucks right now and you are trying to go on with your life....I always feel that way after an "episode." But it will get better and time will heal your bad memories, thoughts, nerves, etc. For now, make a CONSCIOUS effort to eliminate all negative thoughts from your mind and replace them with empowering ones. I know for me, the negative thoughts come soo fast I don't even realize it, but with practice and in time, you will feel better. I realize it is sooo HARD to change your thoughts, but your thoughts are directly tied to how you fee. Good luck and hang in there!!!</font>