Interesting emet dream (Maybe graphic)

[x hannah x]

I posted a few times here about how I was planning to induce v*ing as soon as I was presented with a decent method and last night I was obviously thinking about it without realising because I had the strangest dream about it.


In the dream I was at school and all my friends were going on a school trip,I refused in case someone v*ed on the bus so I had to sit in the locker room and wait for my mum to come and pick me up. But, while I was sitting there I saw that the cupboard full of cleaning stuff was open and there was a bucket just inside the door


***GRAPHIC BIT COMING*** I went over to it and it was full of v*, I sort of retched when I saw it, then I decided to put my fingers down my throat and v* properly since I was already getting started! I changed my mind when I realised the bucket was full and decided to wait til I got home.
****GRAPHIC BIT OVER****


So I got home and I was feeling really impatient because I was feeling n* and I was ready to v* but I couldn't do it with people in the house. It's weird, I felt luike the n* was going to "run out" and I wouldn't be able to v* even though I felt really ready. I also kept
*GRAPHIC* going to the toilet and making myself retch so that I would still feel sick *OVER*

Anyway, finially the rest of my family went out and I went to the toilet again to try and v* but I realised I couldn't because I was too scared. I kept telling myself in the dream that I needed to take advantage of this and just v* because I knew it would help me but I couldn't.

Then I woke up, and instead of feeling anxious or n* which I normally do after an emet dream, I felt really calm, I wonder if I would have felt differently if I had actually v*ed in the dream but its all really strange.


As far as I can tell its just a representation of my brain telling me that I'm sick of this phobia and of not haveing the courage to do what I can to fix it. But maybe other people have different interpreatations? Or weird dreams of their own tha would make me feel a little less freaky here?

[daffodil]

I think your interpretation is right on. Your mind is trying to process all the thougts about the phobia, and wanting to get over it. I think it is great that you felt calm, instead of panicked. It sounds like you are making progress!

[x hannah x]

I don't know about progress but it was certainly intriguing!