Well the other day I was in Maths and I was daydreaming away, as I tend to do in Maths, and I was thinking about that Pink video Amber was talking about and how it took me about 10 minutes to actually work up the courage to watch it, and I was trying to think what it was that freaked me outabout seeing v* on tvwhen I knew nothing would happen if I did, since I know theres no way I can catch anything and I'm not anywhere near it. But then I was thinking that my main thought when someone else v*s is that I need to get away andonce I'm out of the situation I very rarely worry about catching anything, so what is it exactly that scares me? I'm not even really scared about v*ing myself, in that its not constantly on my mind and it doesn't really stop me eating what I want, but when I am feeling sick I would do anything to keep from v*ing, and although I avoid anyone who has a bug thats going round I don't get as worried about catching it as I do about seeing it happen. So I kept thinking what do I think will happen if I watch a v* scene?
So what I got out of all those random thought processes is that maybe I'm sort of fooling myself about the "I'm scared of others v*ing but not myself thing" I'm not saying this goes for everyone, but like I said, although I tendnot to worryon an every day basis that I might v*, but there are certain things I do, like avoiding eating or touching things that ill people have been around, and freaking out at buffets. And the fact that when I think I'm going to v* I go into full panic attack mode. And I think that partly what I'm scared of when I watch v* scenes is that I will v* myself. It's been a while since I last v*ed and when I did there was a time afterwards where v* on tv didn't bother me. So do you think I could help myself by not fighting so much when I need to v*?Any first hand experience would be great.