I have found that my mom gets very frustrated with my emet when it gets bad...she has to take care of my son while I sit and panic to death. Lately I have been talking to my bf about how I'd like to try Xanax just to use during bad attacks. He's kinda upset because he has 2 brothers who are addicted to pills (among other things, the drug problem is horrible where I live) and he's afraid I'll get the same way. But my biggest problem is the way it affects my son...this is so hard to talk about.


The past couple times that my emet has been bad - panic attacks, d*, n*, depression - my son has seen it all. I'll go and lie in bed and won't move, sometimes all day. He'll want me to play, read to him, whatever...and I just can't. There have been times that my son has sat with me in bed and just watched me cry. I can tell by his expression that he doesn't know for sure what's going on, but I can see that he gets concerned. Now if I even make a noise that sounds like I'm crying...a sniffle, anything...he comes over to me and looks at my face. This child is 2 years old. He should never have to see his mother like this. I've told him sometimes "mommy's just sad"...I'm not sure if that's the right thing to say or not. I guess the right thing would be to not let him see me like that in the first place. Since I'vebeen attending church the past month, I've been praying for strength to help me with my son...to not let him see me like this anymore. So far, so good. But I can't help but wonder if I've done real damage to him by letting him see me so upset. I talked to him the night I decided it had to change, and I told him "You know how mommy gets sad sometimes? Well mommy's not going to be sad anymore." I feel like a horrible mom. I am doing better, but is it too late?