This week has been horrible. On my way home from work on Monday I had a panic attack. My stomach did a little gurgle and it just set me off. Ususally in that situation I just call my husband to chat and get my mind off the silliness. Well, my cell phone was dead. I just wanted to be home so badly and I couldn't get there fast enough. My heart was pounding out of my chest and any logical rationalization I tried would not work. Then Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday night I woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. I have this thing about nighttime and being sick. THe two times I've been sick in my life were in the middle of the night and my husband's "episode" that "awoke" this phobia two years ago was in the middle of the night. So if I wake up and have ANY sort of stomach discomfort - BOOM - I'm in a panic. Now, if I were to get up and go to the bathroom, I would probably feel better and be able to go back to sleep, but in my messed up emet mind, just being in the bathroom may on some cosmic way make me sick. So I suffer until morning.

I was doing so much better with this when I was on Lexapro. I just had to get off of it though - it was making me so utterly fat which just depresses me even more.

Why can't we go through a day without thinking about that today may be the day. Non-emet people don't EVER think about it. I remember the last time my husband was sick - he couldn't even tell you what time of year it was - and he went to the ER! What is the big freaking deal?

If you can't tell, I am just slightly frustrated with this phobia. I don't personally know anyone who has this phobia. If it wasn't for this website, I would have thought I was crazy. I remember when I found this website. What a good day that was.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. Hopefully this weekend will be free of any SV exposure and I can start fresh next week.