I am slowly starting to understand what my emet is all about. In many ways I am a control freak. I was never the type ofemet to constantly wash my hands or check food for expiration dates, but there are other things I am finally realizing that I have always felt I had control over. When I was young, I was never afraid of v* unless someone else was doing it. Why? Because I believed I could not get sick unless I was exposed. I was in control until someone around me was ill. I was always able to hold it in when I had to pee. I never liked to used public bathrooms. Again, I had control over when I wanted to use the bathroom. I used to be able to eat whatever foods I liked, mostly dairy. So then I developed lactose intolerance. That was when my emet started to get worse. Because I no longer could eat what I wanted. I didn't have "control" over my diet. Now, I am having more stomach problems, some of which occured when I was out of the house. I have no idea what is causing them, so my phobia is in full command, because I feel I have no control over when I will get sick. It doesn't matter what I eat, or where I am, I could v* at any time, I might have to go to the bathroom at anytime, and I have no say in the matter. So yes, this phobia definitely has something to do with not feeling in "control", for me, anyway. Smiles to you if you took time to read this entire post. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]