Hello,


It's that time of week again. I only have one more night with my other half here before I have 2 nights on my own with my son. I am dreading it.


I picked my son up from nursery today and in the car he said it "I'm not going to be s*". I nearly had an accident. Then tonight in the bath he said it another 3 times and looked panicky and tried to get out. Normally when he says this he does it. I will be sleeping down stairs tonight as I can't bear the thought of him getting into bed with me tonight. He must know something must be up with me at the moment. I can't stop stressing about it.


I will be asking my other halfs 13 year old niece to stop with me again this weekend. I can't do this on my own. Really I would like to be gone before the weekend but I can't as my other half is self employed and we need the money or we will loose our house. He needs to work.


I really don't know what to do. I so badly want to leave. I can't take being here any longer. The stress of this is killing me. I need to go up to have a shower but he is up there in bed. I don't want to go up there on my own in case he comes in the bathroom while I am in there on my own. If he comes goes in there and feels s* or v* I think I will just die.


I am going to the shops tomorrow to try to get some kind of drop thing to put on my tongue to calm my nerves. I need something. I am taking my meds but I can't see that they are doing anything at all.


I will let you all know how I get on this weekend if I am still here by then.


Bye for now.


Karen