I find this a really weird situation, and I'm not sure if any of you
experience it or not. For the last year and a half, I've been waking up
every night with a sudden urge to v*

I'll just be sleeping normally, then I just jolt out of bed really quick with
this urge and I have a water bottle by my side that I drink from the
second I wake up with this, sometimes it will come back a few more times
before falling back asleep, in which case I will sit up and read until I
literally fall asleep while reading. It's become routine now.

It's almost like my own nightmare every single night, only I don't
remember any dream, I just wake up suddenly feeling this way. I get
anxiety after waking up from it because I'm afraid to actually get sick. I'm
guessing my subconcious is just thinking about it or something, I'm not
sure, but it's really strange. I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop it
from happening every night, but can anyone help me cope with it? I need
some way to stay more calm when it happens, especially because after a
year and half of this urge and not actually v* I should know it's not going
to happen, but I still freak out.