So I've got a couple of things I wanted to say today. Hehe


Last night while on the phone with my boyfriend, I told him that I felt sick and didn't want to v. He knows I fear v but hasn't really said much of it. Last night after I said that he goes, "I dont know why you fear it so much. There isn't anything to be afraid. All it is is the food you've eaten that's in your stomach." This infuriated me. I told him it wasn't about that. I cannot v because I dont want to lose control of my body like that ever again. I was humilated in front of thousands of people when IV at the hockey game. So Ving for me isnt just about ving. Its about losing control, being humilated and feeling powerless. I feel powerless all the time when I'm sick, even if it's just with a cold. I cannot be sick in any way or I feel weak (mentally) and powerless. Anyone else feel this way?


And now, my stomach is killing me. I woke up with stomach pains. It only hurts when I stand up to walk or when I move around sitting. I've been farting all morning since I've woken up. I think it could be gas. It hurts so bad I can barely stand up straight. I hate have belly aches. This ache isnt in my intestinal area like I would think gas would be. It's in my stomach so what if I V from it!!!