I am so fed up, I cant talk to anyone because I dont want to, I am v depressed at the moment because my fears are still annoying me, I live with my 11 yr old son and I never tell him anything about it aoart from when Im having a panic attack and need to be alone, It wouldnt be fair to tell my son anyway. I feel so lonely and in despair that Im getting scared I'll lose my mind. I wont go to the doctors so no point in suggesting that. My daughter and I fell out today, it was my grandaughters christening and she was acting up in front of the other people calling me a cow because I said she had grey hair in a jokey way, she is only 17 so she knew it was a joke, I think she must dislike me a lot even though I never did anything wrong to her, anyway, I decided to leave the party and as I was going I nearly retched, I have done this before in panic and it really scared me, I thought I did so well to even get to the church at the moment as Im so depressed over my phobia being back and having no one to talk to. Im scared that if I retch I wont stop, that is mainly my phobia. I go for years phobic free and when I get crap in my life it comes back bad, Im going through divorce, which Im glad of, Ive not worked for about 6 weeks either so big changes, Im just so bloody lonely though. Thanks for listening, I will be ok in a few months its justtonight that I feel bad.