ok ill let you know when im gonna get graphic - sorry but i gotta explain and need ur help...

so last ight - lovely sunny day, decide to do a bbq with jon. all ok and i have some home made chicken kebabs and one quorn burge, salad and potatoe salad. jon has same as me except instead of quorn he has 3 burgers! before we ate i was a little nervous and told jon. then after i had IBS pains and went to the loo. we played cards and i calmed down. then we decided to watch a film and i got all worried again. then i had d*....

GETS GRAPHIC FROM NOW ON........





so i really start freaking out and Jon ccontinues to watch he film coz i told him too. but i feel soooo sure that im gonna be sick - like i did a few weeks ago and last xmas when i retched twice in the garden.

i dont know abt u guys - but when i REALLY REALLY think i feel sick, my arms and hands fel kinda tingly and sore - on the skin - whats that abt?

so from about 8.30 till 10.30 i made myself retch abt 8-10 times. i felt soooo awful that i just wanted it over with. i stuck my fingers down my throat aech time and rtched - it was awful coz it really really hurt. and jon kept telling me that this is because my body didnt need to be sick and me trying to make it sick wld make it worse. he thinks i was having a major panic and making myself feel so sick.

so the dilema - i went thro the motions so many times ans it was horrid but ok (only once did something - i think bile come up - had my eyes closed nd tap running) - Jon thinks i was in such a bad panic attack that i was making myself feel so awful and making myself feel sick - at no time did my body retch without me helping it....

and now the next dilemma - i have to go away with work this eve and mon eve to Birmingham and stay in a room with my frienc - whos lovely and knows abt this.and i have to present to the company - now im just scared abt it...

and the next ting - i took an anti emet pill - Stemetil (US name Compazine- so did that make nothing come up as such...see my next post on this)

sorry for long post - im just so scared...

ems xx