I have had a very serious fear of V* for a while now.

When I was a bit younger, it was so bad that I was unable to even read or hear the word without being sent into a panic attack. It had become less severe in that respect, and I am now comfortable with the topic enough to say, read, or hear the word. I can discuss it, but I can only discuss it.

I am unable to see it without being sent into full-blown panic attacks. I, myself, have not experienced V* for a good eight years now. I am fairly confident in my ability to avoid it.

However, my biggest issue stems from seeing it happen to others.

It has taken over my life. I've become increasingly anti-social, and fear things such as eating at restaurants, using public restrooms, drinking or being around people who have been drinking, being around children, being around animals that are able to do it, fear of certain medications due to their side-effects, and of course... Travel.

I spend much of my time alone and at home where I feel safe from V*. I rarely get sick with anything but the occasional cold, so my worries for it happening to me are typically at a minimum, and the more I stay inside, the less I am exposed to possible germs and people that could make me ill.

However, I am taking a trip out of state in a little over a month. The trip involves a 3 hour flight, non-stop, both to and from my destination. I was not really concerned about the trip until it dawned on me that the potential of someone being sick on the flight was there. I am even more terrified that someone who is sitting near or next to me will be the one getting sick.

I have been looking forward to this trip for over two years now, and now that I am actually able to afford it, I am concerned for my mental health. I deal with very severe anxiety issues, not all of, or even most of them related to my fear of V*.

I know that I cannot control whether or not people get ill. So, because I cannot control this, I don't know that I wish to go. But, I feel that if I backed out now, I would be disappointing the people I am taking the trip to see, and would evidently regret not going.

I am scared, and I am worried. These worries are taking me over, and I fear that I will have to find a way to separate myself from my fears that does not involve simple coping skills and deep breaths. It was suggested to me that I take some sort of cold or allergy medication that could cause drowsiness, so I could sleep through my flight, but I feel that may be taking it too far. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to approach it. Missing out would hurt me for a long time, but seeing someone get sick would be extremely damaging as well. I feel trapped.