Hello emeto's. I went in to my CBT yesterday and was on time. I noticed how tense I felt. I got into a couple of arguments with random people just before. There's so much anxiety.

A couple things: I was tense at first. We made a list of my fears in the shape of a flower. We looked at my mood diary from the week before. Two things came from there: the first was that when I didn't leave my house in avoidance my anxiety came down twice during the week. When I left and came back home, it stayed high for a day or two. The other thing was that I have a worry about vomiting. This is instead of a fear of vomit. Obviously I don't like seeing it on the street and I consider it a lucky escape If I come across vomit but no one is actually vomiting nearby. The thing is I worry about it primarily. I scan all the time. But we wrote all this down in order to work on getting rid of each item on the list. The excitingly scary thing is that we compiled a survey. The doctor asked me his long I think vomiting lasts I said a session was like 9 hours. She said how about each act? I said 15 minutes. She said more like 30 seconds. I can't believe that! We talked about when my stepsons vomited when they were small. It was a little bit and it was fast. She said that's what it's like. I think that's not true but when I asked my husband he agreed with the doctor. Weird. We noticed when I wasn't there during vomiting but heard it or about it I imagine it all over the walls, a disaster. When I have actually seen it its small and quick. I was stuck in traffic once and a guy vomited as he was walking home with his groceries. He leaned over and I couldn't tell what was happening. Once I knew I started shaking a little bit but it wasn't a disaster. I mentioned this to a friend and she asked if I offered to help him. That was absurd to me. It's never crossed my mind. I am getting cracks in my fear. Like shards of light through the darkest of my false beliefs.