In a way. It's really ruining my life. I've aquired panic disorder, agoraphobia, and my OCD has gotten worse. I'm not disabled by it. I'm in college, I go to class every day, I try to trust the food that's been prepared for me (which, however I have gotten food poisoning a few times just this year -_-) but I realized something. I think I might be developing an eating disorder. I haven't stopped eating, but I'm about to, and start working out like crazy. I'm not happy with my weight. There's nothing wrong with it, I just wish I weighed less. I weigh about 132-135 and i'm 5"7. Over the summer I was 118 (just a little bit underweight) I want to be 125 again.

Here's the thing: If I weren't emetophobic, I think I would be bulimic. I overeat a lot. Not all the time, but I can't help myself. Sometimes when I get food poisoning and throw up, I feel so much better (after the panic attack, lol). But I always have that moment after I throw up where I say to myself "wow, that's NOT bad- and I feel so much lighter and better that that food isn't being processed into fat. why don't I just do that every night after i eat?"

It's awful and I don't know if that's a serious concern and if I should tell anyone about it or not, because I'm NOT bulimic since I'm still terrified of throwing up. GAH!