Okay, so I finally went to my GI appointment and my doctor diagnosed me with Functional Dyspepsia, which means that the nerves in my stomach are too sensitive and don't work right. Technically there's nothing I can do except take the current medication I am on for my nausea and heartburn, but I at least know what it is.

Now there is this bug that's been going around my school. 24 hour flu I think it is and I've been scared to death because people have been getting it for the past few weeks and I guess the virus lives for a long time Unfortunately, just a couple nights ago, I went to bed with a stomach ache and thought it was just my Dyspepsia, until I woke up at 2 AM with bad stomach cramps, nausea, and other tummy troubles. I woke my mom up because I was really worried that I was going to be sick and part of my emetophobia is that I'm scared to be alone when I'm sick like that.

And then, the worst happened. I did throw up. I was so scared because nothing came up at first, but then it did after a couple minutes. It hurt pretty bad because my esophagus is also tighter at one point. I was freaked out, but also happy. My stomach felt so much better. But then I realized I was going to do it again. I know I wasn't serious, but I even briefly considered suicide because I wanted it to be done. I was far from done. I did it about 5 more times, and then I had a fever of 103. Luckily, it didn't last as long as my previous vomiting episodes where I literally can't stop and then I can't breathe.

After that experience, I'm not sure if it is because it was so recent, but I don't feel scared really. If I had to do it again, sure I wouldn't enjoy it, but I could do it and be brave about it. Maybe even be alone. I honestly think that this is the first time doing it that wasn't a traumatizing experience. Of course the last time was 5 years ago, but nevertheless, I am actually really proud of myself. I realize that throwing up isn't the worst thing that can happen, even though with my phobia, it can seem like it sometimes. You just have to keep thinking that it'll be over soon enough, and that when it's done you'll feel much better.

Also, now that I know what my stomach problem is that's been causing me to feel so bad randomly, I can sort of deal with it better. I am pretty happy now despite all that's happened.