We were in a hotel room(in france I think) and I was sleeping on the floor in between two beds. I woke up and I could just feel it. I closed my eyes and leaned forward and v* liquid. I could actually feel it coming up and all, and it really wasn't that bad, just kind of a weird feeling. I froze up and my mom took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up. And then I started crying, half because it had happened, and half because I couldn't believe that THAT was what I was afraid of.

Usually my v* dreams are scary or spacey. This was so real. And the thing is, I've been taking my v* dreams as a therapy of sorts because they help me remember what v*ing actually feels like(last s*v* was 7 years ago). And that's what's been one of the big problems, not remembering. It's like the fear of the unknown.

So I wake up, and the first thing I can feel is disappointment that it didn't really happen. And it feels like I'm that much closer to getting over this. before I got out of bed I even scratched my nose with my dirty hands, and have only been half washing my hands. And it feels good. My rational side is very strong today.