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I am so scared at the moment. I hav just had the worst weekend ever. I went to bed on Friday night at about 11.00pm. I woke up at 12.30, went to the loo, went to get back into bed and had to run to the loo again. I had the worst diarrhea I have ever had. This went on for about an hour and I wasn't feel particularly sick, just unwell and scared. I told Mark that I was sure I had got a bug or food poisoning but he has heard that so many times he told me I hadn't. I went to the kitchen to get a plain biscuit but a wave of nausea came over me so i didn't have one. I grabbed a bowl just in case and then had to run back to the loo. Another horrible wave came over me and I started to get really scared. I tied my hair up (again just in case because I didn't really believe anything would happen) and tried to calm myself down and tell myself that if anything did happen it would probably be a good opportunity to face my fears. This horrible feeling came over me and I shouted to Mark to come quicklybecaus I was going to be sick. He told me I wasn't but as soon as he got intothe bathroom I started retching. Nothing came up but I wasn't deliberately trying to stop it happening. Then 3 hours later the same thing happened again only this time it went on for longer. It was hell.I don'tknow how there could havebeen anything left in my stomach anyway buttherewas.I could taste and smell it and feel it trying to come up, I even wanted it to come out to get it over. I think the fact that nothing came up made me more worried than if I had of been. I could not believe it was happening. i didn't feel as bad as I thought I would when I got a stomach bug and I only had a few minutes warning before it nearly happened. I was and still am really shaken up. I was begging Mark to let me kill myself all day saturday, and then my mum came round yesterday (sunday) and I was begging them both to help me die because I can't handle this.


My mum called the out of hours doctors service and I had to answer loads of questions thenthey rang back with an appointment for me to see a doctor at the local hospital 15 mins away. I was petrified of going in the car but I made it. The doctor washorrible though, whenI told him about the phobia he got this stupid smirk on his face and whenI said i would rather die than go through this he assumed I meant I felt like I was dying. When heasked how moften I felt sick I told him most days but we knew this was different and genuine and that it was definately a bug because my sister had started with it a few hours after me and my dad started with it on saturday night. He said an anti-emetic injection wouldn't help because I was imagining it, he really wasn't listening, even my mum who is not always the most supportive of people (even though we are very close) was getting really angry). Anyway in the end he did give me an injection, but I was convinced he hadn't really giving me an anti-emetic injection. It helped for a while but I woke up feeling bad again today.


It is now Monday and I still feel sick, I am still having diarrhea,I can still taste ITand I haven't eaten anything since Friday night because I am too scared. I know that is not very sensible but I can't face anything other than water and a few polo mints. So now I feel like I am going to faint. I am really not coping well. I am just so shook up. I really thought I would have more warning. What if I had been driving or at work? We have only been our flat 3 weeks but if I could move again i would because the bathroom brings back the memeories of what happened. I feel so stupid and embarrassed and ashamed. Mark and my mum have been great but they don't really understand. I am sorry this is so long or if I upset people but I really need to share. If anyone has any advise or words of wisdom I would be very grateful. Sorry again.