Can someone help me?

[sbias]

I know we all have our own problems, and I hate to lay my problems on other people... I guess the thing is, I don't see you people in my everyday life. I know of you all, but I don't know you, maybe that makes it easy to open up to you, hell I don't know. I have a problem and I need help. I am confused, hurt, and don't know what to do. I have always used humor or told jokes to fight off pain, emet, anything that bothered me, and I can't do that with this.


On August 27th my wife left (My birthday) to go and help with a store that had a staff walk out, my wife is a retail manager, and very good at her job. This upset me, but hell life is full of junk, and sometimes you gotta roll with it. So I let it go, and said we can make up the time when she gets back.


On August 29th a friend of mine, a long time personal friend came to my house to goof off. Now let me explain the situation to everyone so that everyone has the facts. This friend of mine, Scott, has a long time girlfriend named Debbie.Debbie works for Rachel, Rachel is manager, Debbie is the second in command. Her and my wife left to go on this "trip" together. Scott and I are sitting in the living room, and since I have been winning the battle with my emet, I was in rare form. Cracking jokes, telling stories, having a good old time. When Scott looks at me sternly and says, "Hey Steve, (Only person I know that calls me Steve.) I have something I gotta tell you."


I shrug it off, and thought he was kidding, and make a joke, when he says to me, and you can't tell your wife you heard it from me. Ok here it goes.


Scott begins to tell me, about a year ago, my wife starts seeing another man on the side thatat the time worked foranother store. Back in May she was becoming very serious with this individual, and was contemplating leaving me. She could not deal with the fact of my illness, that I was terrified to throw up, that it caused me to stay in the house and never leave. I was afraid of germs, and such. Which he in turned called Bulls*** excuses... (Scott did not know I was an emet, I doubt he knows what the word means, I always kept it hidden well from friends, family and such, so when he is telling me this, my shock is 10 fold.)


She was going to tell me about it during the weekend our son was going away, so the fight would not be in front of the boy, but something happened between the time she had made up her mind, and the time she was gonna tell me. I fought my emet. I went out, I drank, I rode roller coasters, I had no fear, and became a very happy man. Scott's version goes this way, she has guilt, and finds the reason she got with me in the first place. She breaks it off with this guy, a guy I went to school with and know quite well, one problem the guy doesn't want to let go, and comes and sees her all the time, HE HAD EVEN BEEN IN THE STORE WHEN I WOULD COME AND DROP FOOD OFF TO HER. You know the story, he would tell her how they had a great thing etc. etc.


Scott then tells me almost every trip my wife has taken out of town, this person has went on, for almost a year, when she found out about this trip on the 24th of August, my wife lied and told me they called her the morning of the 27th while I was asleep, her defenses broke down and she told him he could come along. Scott, found out about it, on the 26th when my wife came to Deb and Scott's apartment, crying that she was confused, and that she loved me, blah blah bah, and I had changed, but she was so scared that this fellow was gonna tell me, she had no choice. (My wife handles stress badly outside of work, and makes piss poor decisions.)


Deb has know about this relationship since the beginning, and Scott was very upset that she never told him, and was very upset that she would let my wife do that to me, I have been very good to Deb.


I asked Scott to leave, I called my mother to pick up our son, and I sat alo

[sbias]

So That brings me to this, I don't want to look at her, I don't want to speak to her, in fact to be honest I want her to leave. I feel so betrayed, I have been with one woman my entire life, it has been Rachel and I since we were 14. My world revolved around my wife and son. No I have not had any emet attacks, or anxiety attacks, all I feel is anger and hurt. I love my wife so much. Just looking at our photos just hurts. I honestly believe my wife, when she told me she was sorry, but to be honest I don't want to forgive her, and I know the old saying time heals all wounds, well I don't want to be healed, or cured, or whatever.


A lot of people I know have self-esteem issues, I am not one of those people the only thing that was my crutch in my eyes was my emet, and I HAD BEATEN IT BACK! I was winning, I was becoming better! And the sad thing was I was doing it all for her. I wanted to see her smile again. I need advice, I need guidance, I don't care if your 11, 30, or 57. I don't want to go to my family, I don't want to go to my friend, I don't want to go to her family. I need help, and I am asking the people in this forum for anything, I am so alone right now, what should I do?


Stephen


If my responses, or tone comes off as cold, please forgive me, you know I love you guys, please don't take anything I say to heart, I am in a lash out phase.

[x hannah x]

First let me say I am so so sorry about what happened, I can't inagine how hard it must be. OK, this is just an idea cos being 14 I actually have no idea, but maybe you should go and stay with a friend or something for a couple of days until you've calmed down a bit and aren't so "Grrrr can't see or talk to her grrrr" ish and then go back and talk to her, cos it sounds like she's ended the other relationship with the mean guy. I don't know whether you want the relationship to continue or what but you said you love her and you must love your son. Maybe you should getsome relationship counselling or something.Anyway that's just my suggestion and it's probably crap but anyway... And in termsof your emet (this is a field I greatly understand!) you were doing soooo well and you can't let this bump you back to the start again. You said you were doing it for Rachel but I bet you were doing it for yourself too. Please let us know how you're doing.

[x hannah x]

Ok I just reread the post that you don't want to see friends family etc but you don't have to say why, just say you want to go fishing with him for a weekend or something (but throw all the fish back or it's justmean!) or just minimize it, say you guys had a little fight and you want to sleep at his a couple of nights until it dies down, whatever. Or you might feel like telling the whole story once you're there. Your decision. And maybe if you stay with a female friend your wife will get jealous and want you more!Edited by: x hannah x

[terified girl]

Hey Stephen, reading your story brought me to tears, its twice you do that to me, the first time was when you told me your story about how you beat emet, and I printed it out and keep it with me all the time, for when I have an attack.


I am so sorry to hear what your wife did to you. As an outsider I can't take sides and thats a good thing.


She was in the wrong, for sure, but I think that maybe after so many years it was hard for her to put up with your fear, its hard on anyone who isn't suffering from it. Maybe it hurt her too badly to continually see you suffering and could not take it anymore.


I am not trying to justify that what she did is excusable, and I think that if she did really escape to this other man because of your emet, then it should have stopped the moment you started improving, whatever the reason is, she did betray you, and you only see that, and I don't blame you.


If my bf would o such a thing, it would be over in a second, and I wouldn't give into his sorry's and crying and whatever else he tried to get me to feel bad and stay with him.


Stephen, if in your heart you feel like you truely never want to be with your wife again, then I say before you tell her that, tell her you need time alone, to think, to see, and take as long as you need, this is your life, and once you've had time and your decision is still the same, then tell her that its over for good. But you gotta give yourself that time to process and think, because this is still shock, believe me.


I hope that I've helped in some way, I can understand why you don't want to turn to your family, so please let us know how you are doing day to day, keep us as your diaryI guess. We want to help you in any way we can.


*Hugs*


Sonia

[trickyvicky]

Stephen,I'm so sorry to hear about this as u were only saying the other day how supportive your wife had been....I really don't know what to say,as what i feel about this situation and how u are probably feeling are two different things.....Now i have older parents an have been brought up very old fashioned,so what I'm saying is if it happened to me,there is no way that i would be able to forgive or if i could i wouldn't ever forget,as i feel it will eat u up inside,nobody deserves to be treated like that....Now i did have a boyfriend do that to me when i much younger like early 20's and i did take him back as i was stupid really,but it never worked,i worried the whole time that he was going to do it again,because if they can do it once they can do it again.....And that is soooo true......Now u have to sit down and decide what u want to do,i know u are probably thinking,i don't want to be apart from my son but if u stay together and u argue about it all the time the atmosphere and tension is going to affect the child,so i don't think couples should stay together because of a child.......This is a really hard one,it's only my thoughts and like i said as I'm looking from the outside in my view on it is different.....Do u want to be worrying all your life that she will do it again? I mean i can't find the excuse about your emet a good enough excuse to go and c another guy.....I wish u were in england then u could have popped around for a cuppa(thats a tea)just in case u weren't aware LOL!!!!! Ohhhh stephen what can i say,i think I've said enough about what i think will happen as in if u stay with her i think it will tear u apart inside as u will feel u are a burden on her all the time because of your emet.As thats what her reason was for having an affair.....Keep us updated and don't ever feel that we are not here for u,i hope u have a long think about what u want in life and what u are worth as i can assure u,i feel everyone should be treated as they would like to be treated themself's......


Take care Vicky xx

[Jenneh]

im so sorry to hear this.... its becoming so common now-a-days its just.. unreal.


why can't people be happy with what they got?? and the fact she wanted to leave you because of ur emet is just absolutely unspeakable. i think you're gnna do the right thing if you leave her. im sorry but however much SHE says sorry -- its never gnna erase what she did, and are you ever gnna be able to trust her again?


iv never been in a very long term serious relationship, due to my age! but i guess if you guys go far back and wanna sort it out sensibly then im all for that too.


i wish i had sum proper hard advice to give you on where to go and what to do. im sorry im just not " experienced" in this kinda area.


all i can say tho... is she doesnt deserv you and never did.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[party_boi3423]

It wouldn't do wrong to stay with a friend just to cool off, but if you decide not to, id suggest you dont stew over it too much which is hard to do when you;re alone because you have nothing else to think about so thats why i suggest you go stay with a friend so youll be distracted from reminders of her. I know if i were in your shoes id been really angry! I agree with jenneh in saying she never deserved you if she was gonna treat you like that. It makes me a bit angry when i read it, especially as taking steps to get over your emet was all for her and you'd been together since you guys were 14. I also agree with another thing that jenneh said. Sorry can't erase what has happened, its just a word attempting to smother the wrong and with something this huge it wont work. I wouldnt be surprised if you did leave her if she could do something like that to you. I was in a long term relationship a while ago with a girl and she broke up with me. We'd been together for about 8 months (I know its not the same because you and your wife have been together for WAY longer!) but i know that i was a bit pissed off when she left me, so i cant imagine how hard it is especially after what she did. In conclusion, my advice would probably be to go and stay with a friend you havent seen for a while. Just say you need to get away from home for a bit. I do hope everything plans out for you and hope everything goes okay.


God Bless, Chris

[sbias]

Pardon me if I vent a little bit, I took her to work again this morning, while I was in the car with her, I turned and looked at her and said, "I think I want you to go stay at your mother's for a while, if you don't want to leave the house that's fine, I can go stay with my sister." (I really don't want to do that, but I don't have much of a choice, like I said I don't want to really stay with friends, and such, cause they are gonna ask what happened, and I don't want to tell them. My sister would ask no questions.)


Well she breaks down, and starts crying again, (I am so sorry if this comes off sounding cold.) telling me that she made a mistake, she doesn't want to lose me, that she could never bring herself to leave me cause sick or not I was too great... blah blah blah.... So I looked at her and said, "If you were in an accident, or something happened, I took a vow, I made a promise to stay with you. I took it seriously, no matter how bad things got or how s***ty I felt, I would come to you, and I would work through it."


Then the strangest thing happened, my wife lost her composure, my wife became hysterical, like an emotional breakdown, I had never seen something like this, I guess it would be comparable to an emet breakdown or such, she was in a crying fit, and begging me not to do this. Telling me that she did nothing with him on this trip, that they had only slept together like four times, she just wanted someone there to listen, not to sit and shake from fear of vomiting, to be able to go out and eat a dinner together. Yadda Yadda Yadda.


When we finally pulled up at the back of her store, I looked at her and said, "I am so glad you slept with him like four times, that makes this so much easier to digest. You know that what was on my mind, I wonder how many times this guy stupped my wife. If you don't leave today I will. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to go to therapy, I don't want to have a sit down, and I don't want to work this out. Not now, and to be completely honest I don't think I will want to later either." And here is where I got really s***ty. I told her, "Hey you got someone too fall back on, your the one that f***ed up a relationship that was strong and had lasted 17 years. Instead of coming to me and saying I am having real problems with this, which might have kicked me in to trying to get better faster for the sake of my family, but you decided that getting laid was just as good." I asked her to get out of the car, and for at least 15 minutess Rachel sat there and cried, said I'm sorry probably 100 times, talked about good moments we have had, talked about Andrew, on and on, till she I guess she finally caught on that I wasn't responded just staring off in to space, and she got out, told me she loved me, and went in to work.

[Jenneh]

this is such a hard thing to read because i know its so real to you -- and is affecting u a lot.


sounds like your wife really is regretting doing anything though, but whether thats enough for you to even think about giving her another chance or not -- its completely up to you.


maybe talknig it thru with a firend or ur sister wud actually be good for you. but its totally understandable if u just wanna come to terms with it urself first.


i wish there was something i cud do for you, we're all here for you.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[sbias]

I'm seperating my posts to make this thread easier on the eyes, first off thank you to everyone that responded to me in such a few hours, sleep hasn't come very natural to me, and I am sure a lot of people during today will respond in great lengths. It goes to show me that in the few months that I have been here, that the people on here actually give a damn about other people, and are very supportive, I wish we all lived near each other, I'd have you all over and never ask you to leave.


I really think the next couple of things I am gonna say will be hard on emets, cause they have been there. Trying to put all this in perspective, when I was working my way through the ranks at the steel mill. I would have emet attacks, and I would tell myself in my head. "RACHEL NEEDS ME." "ANDREW NEEDS ME." "If I don't work we can't afford that house, I want my wife and son to have a home." I would stay no matter how bad the attack was, I even had an option out, if it got severe, I blatently lied to my co-workers and told them I had really bad trouble with my gall bladder, and ulcer, and would go to the bathroom, and have my attack in a stall. Vacations were hell on me, but I would drive long distances, and fight myself to leave the room, no matter how bad the attack was to take them to dinner, to play on the beach, and to visit attractions.


The three things that kill me the most are the fact that a.) August 27th was my birthday! MY BIRTHDAY! She lied that she had gotten the call on the morning of the 27th, when in fact she knew she was leaving since the 24th. I am sitting here alone on my birthday, while her, and captain prick are riding in a car together, and staying in a motel room. She has said this morning during her little rant that she was scared that he was going to tell me. That they weren't intimate during this trip, that seeing me better has made her fall in love with me all over again, and that the fact that I wouldattempt to beat something damn near unbeatable for her and Drew made me andreal man.Well you know what if she truly felt this way, why not come and tell me I was fooling around, I broke it off, I was so upset seeing you suffer I needed something else. That would have been a hell of a lot better than getting caught. The fact that she didn't come clean, and is squirming now that she has been caught makes a lot of the I'm sorry and such, and the fact that she went with him on my birthday look like horsesh*t excuses.


b.) (Not being graphic here) But to go on trips to these stores, and come home acting excited to see me, and sleep with me? When she was out with another man, is just well.......Sorry, but that's sh*tty too. I find that really, no utterly cheap.


c.) To let people know me a little better, I was the fat kid when I was younger, I didn't have many friends, I was made fun of, a great deal. (American kids can be some of the nastiest people on earth.) But I developed a sense of humor and personality, I was humbled, BIG TIME. When my emet was at it's worst around age 12, I lost a great deal of my body fat, hell I couldn't eat. Through my high school years and my time with Rachel, I used humor as a defense when I got nervous, or my emet would act up. Imagine Robin Williams going ballistic, thats the way I would act. People liked to hang out with me cause I would make them laugh, but the problem was I was always in pain, and they had no idea, the only time I felt comfortable was with Rachel. While I was working in the plant, (a steel factory.) I had been married I'd say 4 years. There was a girl that worked there named Desa, and she was put on my cap line (The line I worked.), and she was beautiful, I remember how all the guys in the Strip Mill (The Department I worked) would just stare at her when she would walk past. I was assigned to show her the ropes, well it wasn't long before I was making her laugh, and she had a wonderful personality to go with that face. My wife at the time had given birth,

[sbias]

Thank you Jenneh, everytime I have ever posted you always are there with a great witty remark. I really respect your opinion, (ASWITH EVERYONE ELSE'SOPINIONS!) seriously Jen thank you for your words. I don't deserve this kind of treatment, I am too good for it, and she doesn't deserve all the really special things I have done for her in the past year, and Hannah 14 or not you came in here and jumped in with advice and support, I know 30 year olds that couldn't do that, as for Terified Girl to know you printed my posts and use them for inspiration really touched me, I think for the first time since my birthday I felt good about something. Thank you very much. Vicky you made some great points and you pretty much nailed the way I am feeling, I appricated everything you said. Party_boi3423 thanks for the God Bless, I needed that one.


Your still my buddies Jenneh, Party_boi3423, Vicky, Hannah, and T Girl[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Stephen

[terified girl]

Some of us can be faithful no matter how tempted we are, and someof us wouldn't blink an eye to jump into bed with someone else.


I have a gf who has cheated on her bf so many times I can't coult anymore, and I can't could how many men either. We all thought that once she got pregnany things would change, but as soon as she went back to work, not even a week later she was with another new man.


Apalled is all I can say for her, she disgusts me but thats who she is and she will never change, she even told me herself.


And I truely believe the expression, once a cheater always a cheater.

[trickyvicky]

what u are saying there,is things were bad for u as well,i.e your wife had your little boy and work was difficult but u still didn't do anything to jeopardize your marriage,even when it was handed to u on the plate.....Well that shows u are a real decent man.....I'm not saying your wife isn't decent but we all have choices in life and your wife not only choose to sleep with him once but 4times and theres no explanation for that other then she was out Of order and dis respecting u.....I can tell u are trying to find answers for the the questions u have about the affair but sometimes there aren't any....And that is why it's hard.....I know that what ever u choose to do,u will get through this Stephen as u are a very strong person,u might not feel it at the moment but thats understandable............It tears my heart out to read your messages and wish i could stretch my arms long enough just to give u a cuddle.....


don't ever feel a burden on anyone and like u said people will respond to your message as people out here do care


love vicky xx

[terified girl]

With what you just wrote about yourself, you are a strong man, you will get through this with or without our help, look how far you've come, look at what you've put yourself through for your family.....You rock!!!!!!!!

[sbias]

Rachel's mother just stopped in, Rachel called her and asked to stay, when her mother asked her what was wrong, she told on herself. Rachel's mom is having a fit, she can't believe it. She came here for support, and to get a few of Rachels things. Rachel's mom is furious, she asked if I wanted to talk I told her no, she is picking Rachel up from work, so I won't see her this evening. On her way out she told me I didn't deserve that, and that I have been an excellent son in law,that I should leave my wife (Her Daughter), andthat she is sorry. She hugged me bye, and left. I think I am sadder now sfter this exchange than I was whenI found out.


I think reality is setting in. Oh man I am about toseperate frommy wife. I'll be on later I am gonna try to sleep.

[Galadriel]

Hey there,


Man reading your posts just breaks my heart. I am so sorry this happened. Your right, what your wife did was a real crappy thing, and really it is obvious that you did your very best despite your emet to be there for her and your son. She has the nerve to say that she wanted someone she could "do things with", and here you are breaking yourself just to make them happy and have a good time and a roof over their heads.


It is very obvious to me where your heart is at. The fact that you turned down that beautiful girl at work because you knew in your heart that you were committed and that you took those vows shows how strong you really are. Dont ever think you arent strong. You have suffered with this emet to provide for your family, and you didnt turn coat when beautiful women have walked past. You sound like an incredibly honorable man, and any woman would be very blessed to have someone like you.


I am just so sorry tho. It is obvious that you loved her a lot, and to have someone like that hurt you so bad is just crushing. Your wife doesn't see how good she has it, and the sad thing is she didnt see until it was too late. She'll be hard pressed to find someone like you again, those kinds of people don't come around very often. My thoughts are with you at this tough time, and you can always come here to vent.

[Eternity]

People make mistakes. But you haveto follow your own head, your own heart, n do what feels right to you. Dont shut out your friends, even though it is easier to talk to strangers. They will understand, n theyll be much more comfort than we ever could.

[Jenneh]

i think its good that that woman is going to be out of ur sight . the fact ur mother in law was so compassionate to you is good because you KNOW ur wife is suffering for what she did. shes probably getting one and many lectures and bad comments at home now. which is what she deserves. you on the other hand is geting all the care and support you need, well i hope u r anyway.


you are a very very loyal person, as u described in ur post, you wouldnt be unfaithful to ur wife at all. this might not be what you want to hear right now, but ithink with that kinda personality you have a good chance of finding someone who will TREAT YOU RIGHT. not like dirt.


i really hope uv managed to get some sleep.


Jen xxxxxxxx

[harmonygirl72]

It was so sad to wake up this morning and read these posts. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I added you to my AIM (I am harmonygirl1972), so if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I don't know if I have any advice; I am 31 and have never been married. I have been in many relationships, and have been cheated on in the past as well. I also have many friends that cheat, and I never know how to feel about it all. I have one friend who is an excellent father and husband, but has this need to cheat on his wife! He says he needs "variety". Well, that I can understand, but I just don't think it is fair unless his wife knows and understands about that. People like that should never take vows. People like you know the meaning of vows, and the words forever, and for better or worse. I admie you greatly, as there have been times in my life that I don't know if I'd even be able to make such a commitment. (Okay, sorry, I am going on and on cause I can't think of any good advice!) Follow your heart, try not to say or do anything you will regret, and always put your son first. There is my only advice. Oh, and come chat with me on AIM if you need a friend.


Mary

[chloe]

Sorry for the delayed reply, Stephen - I was so sad to read your posts...Life is so unfair at times.


Like someone further up the board said - I hope you continue to fight emet for yourself,


I found this poem - I hope it helps you


Fly With The Eagles

Time and time again, life deals us a bad hand
As we take blow after blow, almost unable to stand
But seeming to fall, faster into blackened night
While all around you, others sail easily as a kite.
Their lives so simple, as like snowflakes they drift
Along through the days, apparently floating past the rift
Of pain and destruction, without a worry or a care
They merely waft to and fro, verily patient in the air.
Poor kiwi, why does your existence merely drag
Slower than January molasses in an iced-over bag?
Can't you soar like the other birds in the sky
Or are but only merely too afraid to just try?
You see, little kiwi, it isn't easy with ruffled feathers
Yet they straighten up as the hero you can be weathers
His many trifles with the man upstairs and the demon below
So as to join the friends he once truly loved so.
However, the aforementioned here has but to aver
That to become that, brave kiwi, tragedy must occur
And be overcome, so as to build mind, to strengthen heart
As flapping your little wings burns many calories, better start
Facing your fears, sentencing then forever to the dark
Should they, frightened kiwi, traumatize you and leave a mark -
A mark of fear to make you heavy, to hold you down
Forever afraid to go for the gold, scared until you drown.
Come on, determined kiwi, you have to keep on trying -
Just never surrender to doubt, and soon you'll be flying.

[mbs730]

Stephen I'm so sorry. I really dont know what to say and
I am so sorry I wasnt there for you when you wrote this. It was so
late. I did something that I am not exactly proud of one time, although
people keep telling me it was justified. Althought it wasnt nearly as
bad as what she had done to you. I was introduced to a man back in mid
96 and I thought he was the greatest thing in the world. He treated me
very well until the fall of that year. I dont like to talk about
anything financial related but my parents are well off and I was still
living at home at the time. However this was the situation. His parents
were divorced and his mother lived with him and LEACHED off of him. Any
parent that would purposely leach off of their kids is inexcusable and
its not like she wasnt able to work or something. All she did was sit
around and acted like Peg Bundy if you remember Married with Children
lol. Anyway he told me he didnt think it was right that he was the one
that would treat me to dinner, I had no problem with that. In fact I
had even offered to pay at times but he said not to worry about it. See
I was working while going to school, and I was saving up to do my
ultimate dream. Going on a European tour. He knew that was extremely
jealous that I was able to do something that he never had an
opportunity to do. During the time he was taking upgrading courses for
his career and started having less time for me. Anyway he was only
available to see me once a week, which was on Saturday nights. SO we
decided to take turns on who pays for what, like we would alternate
weekends. I would treat him one weekend and the other way around the
next. However when it was my turn to treat him he was ALWAYS in the
mood to go for something expensive and order the most expensive meal on
the menu!!! Uggh what could I have said though? Then when it was his
turn to treat me he always wanted to get something quick and cheap like
a meal at Subway or something... and this kept on happening but towards
the end of the year I got tired of his ways. So I told him that he was
being unfair and he thought in some ways I was being unfair about a few
things (dont ask) so we left it as we would give it a week to think
about what we both should do about the relationship. I know he wanted
to break up with me but wanted time to think but I KNEW I wanted to end
it with him. So this is where I was wrong. I should have told him to
basically screw himself and that would have been the end of it. However
I didnt, I let him spend the week by thinking. Meanwhile I started
meeting other men and went on a date with one. Then a week later he
calls me back and said he has thought about our relationship and wanted
to discuss things on the following Saturday night. I knew he wanted to
break up with me, judging from the tone of his voice but I said "why
dont we just discuss thing right here and right now?" He said "this
kind of thing isnt really appropriate on the phone" Then I figured
fine, I said I would phone him back and pick a date to talk and that
was it but this is what my plan was instead. I wrote him a 4 page dear
John letter and told him how horrible I thought he was, and what a good
act he had put on when we started dating. Of course I had to throw a
things in about his mother and I also said "oh by the way I am starting
to date someone else so I beat you to it!". I drove up to his house and
threw the letter into his mailbox! However this gets even better. About
3 months later he phoned me back and just casually started asking
questions about how I was doing and stuff. I was kinda embarassed but I
said "listen I know you wanted to break up with me in person but I
didnt want to waste a Saturday night or something doing that and you
wouldnt discuss things on the phone with me" he said it was rude what I
had done and what I had done had caused him to relapse...... I had NO
IDEA what he was talking about... he said ever since he was 14 he
suffered from BULIMIA and Heavens I wish I knew about this before

[sunshine16]

My god Stephen...I am so sorry. I dont have any idea whatsoever to say except she's not worth it hunn, your so much better than she is, your too good for her. I know how much you love(ed) her but hunn time is the wisest counseller and things will turn out the way they're meant to.


Im sorry I am so useless when it comes to these things. But I'm here for you, you know that. PM me anytime you wish.

[sbias]

MBS, I am sorry, but no that does not make you a bad person, far from it, an emet and a person suffering an eating disorder do not go hand in hand, and sometimes people don't just click. Sorry everybody I still can't sleep, so I am reading through posts, chatting with Mystikal, and trying to make sense of my situation.


I would host a giant cook out for all of us, but we are emets, so we'd pick at the food, not eat very much, and I would have a lot to throw away. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Sorry...... I'm really trying here. My wife called and told me she was staying at her mothers this evening, and that we would talk Sunday or Monday. She told me that it was over with slick stick, and that I mean everything to her, she also told meshe wanted to take Drew with her, cause and I quote "Feels like she betrayed him as well." SoI will be here alone tonight, if anyone wants to surf the board, or chat with me on AIM my name is panzercub, I might use messenger too [email protected]. I'll be here is anyone needs me.


Stephen

[rhinoseri]

I'm really sorry about what happened. I'm only 12, so I don't think I should even try to give advice... But yeah, I hope everything works out in the end.

[party_boi3423]

Well im really sorry to hear things are going crap for you at the moment. Although one posotive is that her mother is siding with you. I wouldve thought that she'd always side with the daughter. I still cant believe she was considering leaving you because of your emet. Thats seriously screwed up! If you wanna talk, my msn is [email protected]. Im always on because i have a dull social life lol! I do hope everything works out for the best for you.


Best Wishes, Chris

[x hannah x]

If you wanna talk, my msn is [email protected]. Im always on because i have a dull social life lol! I do hope everything works out for the best for you.


Best Wishes, Chris

Dittoness, I added you and my username is a load of stormclouds and "welcome to my world" really optimistic huh? Anyway I hope you're ok and I have to say I think you're dealing with this really well. Look I changed my font for you! I broke my trademarkness! That's how much I care! lol

[mbs730]

Stephen I re-read everything that you had written. She
obviously didnt take the "marry you in sickness and in health"
seriously. My husband thinks to some degree that my emet is rediculous
but would never leave me because of it. He was diagnosed with cancer, I
would never dream of leaving him because of that. I'm really sorry,
that probably didnt help but just know one thing. YOU are a good
person, you have been an excellent husband and father. She messed up
biiiig time! I will pray that you find the happiness you deserve. I'm
so sorry and if you ever want to chat my AIM is mbs73075



Miriam

</font>

[frankie]

I am pretty new to this board so I hope you dont mind me giving my opinion.


I too was recently in a situation much like this. My wife decided to go behind my back with a guy much younger than her and who still lived at home etc etc. I don't know the ins and outs of what they did and to be honest I dont want too. What made this worse for me was that the guy she was seeing I had recently recommended for a great job at my company. I had to see him day in and day out and he would purposely try to wind me up. For me it was torture.


Anyway I had to make a decision, did I give my wife another chance or do I kick her out and start again. When I first found out, much like you I was filled with anger and hatred and I wanted her out but I decided to give it ago. She was in the wrong for doing it but I too wasnt perfect.I had made mistakes and maybe wasnt the husband she had wanted.


Anyway, I am telling you this as sometimes its nice to hear that you are not alone and I dont know you so am a total outsider.


My one bit of advice I will give you is that if you decide to try and make your marriage work then you need to put it behind you. It isTHE most difficult thing as your mind is constantly wanting to remind her of what she has done and to make her feel bad. Problem is this will destroy any chance of getting back together.


From what you had wrote she seems genuinely sorry for what she has done. If she really wanted this guy this would have been her chance to leave you. But she didnt. In fact she told him to leave her alone.


It wont be easy but maybe its worth giving her one more chance.

[confused]

....omg... I am so sorry Stephen... I can't believe that this is happening to you. I was almost in tears reading all of this (and I don't cry easily, unless it's emet related). All I could think about was you talking about how you met your wife, and how you had felt guilty about telling your wife a white lie, which just shows the kind of good person you are. You know, this has always been a fear of mine that my bf-soon to be fiance would leave me because of my emet. I have asked him a few times if he'd leave me if I got worse, because I'm scared that he might, even though he reassures me he won't . I hate situations like this because there is no good solution. I'm not the best advice giver, but I'm just trying to give you some suggestions.


The only info I know about you is through yourposts, so I don't feel like I know enough about youor your wife to tell you whether or not to staywith her. I doagree with everyone here that said give it time. I think that right now you are acting out of pain and anger, and you need to give it serious time before you can decide whether or not to stay or spilt.


Please also think of your son. I don't remember how old he is, but I think I remember you saying that he's pretty young. He's probably confused and scared right now, depending on how much he knows and understands of what is going on. I remember when I was little, my parents got into the biggest fight that I had ever seen them in. My mom was going to stay at my Grandmother's , and I was scared out of my mind. I felt likemyworld wasfalling apart. They worked it out and are still together, but for a few weeks I was terrified because I didn't know what was going to happen to me. I am NOT telling you to stay with your wifejust because of your son, but I am saying that you need to still be there for him. I know that you are going through hell right now, but you need to be strong for him. You should try to not fight around him, and you should sit down and try to explain to him what is going on, letting him know that no matter what happend that his parents still love him and will still be there for him. And if you decide to spilt, you should try to at least be civil towards her, for the sake of you son.


I wish I could give you more advice, but... I don't know how to make it better. All I can tell you is keep to keep in mind, THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!! I know it doesn't feel like it will ever get better, but it will!! Some day you will be happy again, I PROMISE (even if it means I have to drive to your house to personally make you smile!!). I wish we could all have a giant cook out, even if none of us ate the food... or it was all way overcooked to avoid food poisioning... lol. I wish I could give you a hug, because you sound like you need one. I added your screen name, you can add mine if you want (or if anyone else here wants) my screen name on AIM is confused106. I am a REALLY good listener, so if you need to vent I'll listen!! Well i wish I could make it better....... I don't know what else to say.....


Danielle