how do we support each other?

[mbs730]

I
agree completely. You cannot guarantee anyone that they wont get sick,
even if its unlikely. I think the best response would be "no matter
what happens you will get through it"



Miriam

</span></font>

[Babydoll]

well, as I explained before, i think telling someone outright that yes, you could vomit, when the chance is about a zillion to one, is totally unnessecery.


now, if the question was something like "i have the stomach flu, will I vomit?" I would have a different responce, because there really is reason to worry there and I would say well yes, you could, and try to keep the person as calm as possible.


its the same as asking someone will I get murdered if I go to the store tonight? sure its possible. but SO unlikely that you would be and no need to worry.


i felt bad for sunshione because she was so worked up, and thast really not the best time to tell someone that they can vomit when in reality, we all know she wont.


I feel like I'm going in circles. I hope I'm explaining myself okay.

[Babydoll]

okay i just posted after all these people, yet my post went all the way to the top of the posts. I dont get it.

[Babydoll]

its doing it again, the last person to post after me in this thread was sweatfreak.........?

[e-lizabeth]

okay, I've just read a couple of posts that have led me to write this - I hope it's not too controversial and I hope it helps someone:


so I keep reading posts where people are looking for reassurance that they won't get sick from something, and that's totally understandable, but then I just read a post where someone "dared" respond that, well, yeah, there's a chance you could get sick, and it sparked a whole controversy. so here's my two cents' worth.


there are more kinds of support out there and more kinds of support necessary than just "oh relax, you won't get sick." that's the kind of support that I craved and got for years and years, and my emet did not get one tiny bit better. I did not get any better until I found a therapist who said to me, in the middle of a Norwalk outbreak in the city, "yes, it's true, you might get sick. but you know what? you can cope. you have the strength and the tools to survive. Anxiety is just a feeling and will not kill you."


I'm not saying that one conversation changed everything but that outlook and that kind of support and therapy changed my life completely. And it just really saddens me to see people saying that there's only one kind of response welcome here, and that's the response of reassuring someone that they won't get sick. You know what? People get sick. It's a fact of life. And yeah, most likely, almost for sure, you won't get sick with a cold or strep or influenza, but I don't think that it's helpful to constantly say "you won't get sick" from this, or "you won't get sick" from that. Maybe it's time we started saying "we can be strong and survive". We need to start focussing on healinginstead of just avoiding.


Does this make sense to anyone? I hope so, and I seriously hope I haven't offended anyone, that's absolutely not my intention.

[sweetfreak]

I agree with you!


Focus on the solution, not the problem. What happens when you tell the person they will not get sick and then they do get sick? Your support wasn't very helpful then and you certainly haven't gained their trust in that situation.


I think it is much better to say, "Well, if you do get sick, you will get through it, and we are here to encourage you and to let you know that you are not alone in your fear."


Peace.

[sbias]

Sunshine16????? Where are you!?!?! I really hope she responds to this thread. I really think last night she had a break through. I chatted with her this morning, and to hear her made me flex in a manly man pose, run outside mow the yard and come back in and flex again.


Listening to her this morning made me believe in this place even more, I decided to try and make myself better because of this place, and to be honest as with most people here, I am proud of myself for the great strides I made.If I got sick right now, I could handle it, come in here and talk about it, talk to the wife about it, and go outside and complain to me wife that even though she doesn't think so, I think I did a fantastic job mowing the yard. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Emet is scary, I am a grown man, didn't cry when I shattered my knee, didn't cry when my grandfather died....And I should have, instead of corking the bottle, but a really bad emet scare could make me cry like a 3 year old, who just got his or her balloon stolen. When you are dealing with something that causes you so much dread and fear, even the slight thought of being ill can throw an emet in to a downhill panic, and I think that is why some people get leary of the "You might be ill" posts, some people come here looking for info, some for support, some read and don't post, and then there are the few, that handled a V* situation and came out standing tall.


We have all had the nervous "OH GOD PLEASE NO" shakes, we have all paced around saying tonight is the night. I think when someone takes offense to one of those posts you are talking about Beth, they need to sit back and say "You know they are trying to help.". I consider this a family, I come here to talk to you people, cause I understand, and you understand, and you have made me handle things better. I would have been a wreck this summer when my moment came, if it wasn't for the good, no scratch that, great people here.


For us to get a little annoyed with one another is natural, people are gonna disagree, they may not like the way one person handles another. I hope in a year or so, we can all come in here and talk about our fear of anchovies, and our emet is long gone. But I agree Beth, some people need to relax, and say "We are all here to help one another."

[Galadriel]

I agree that people come here for support, and that some may have different needs to be met than others in whta they consider as support.


I for one tend to put it as "yes you can get sick, but I will tell you that you will not die," and then share my experiences to help. Sometimes tho, I tell the person "You prolly wont get sick". I guess it depends on how "close to the edge" that person is, and I tend to pick up from the tone of their post if they are really about to have a braekdown and just need someone to tell them its going to be alright, or if they seem able more to handle hearing that they can get sick. I pretty much figure, if that person is close to losing it from fear, then I dont want to make it worse for them by saying "you could get sick", but instead I try and help them by saying "you can get thro this, it wont last forever, its gonna be okay". Does that make sense?? [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[party_boi3423]

Hi yall


for me, this website is almost like a comfort zone lol! I'll try and explain that a bit more better. Whenever i feel like im going to be sick, i just tell myself "no your not going to be sick" and this website is kinda like a reassurance which is a comfort. You're right in the sense that it is good to see what other people think of the problem and the best way to approach it for a good solution!!!

[crazybeautiful]

I think it just kinda scared sunshine, 'cause it's not likely that she'd V* from a cold. I've never heard of it happening, unless you were to choke on the mucus or something.


So she was put in a panick for pretty much nothing - as she's feeling better now.

[youngemet222]

Everyone seems to get mad at me just because I use medical answers in my responses. Like, when I said that you can vomit from influenza, I didn't mean it was common. IT IS VERY RARE, BUT IT CAN HAPPEN.People were getting mad at me when I was saying that. I backed it up with a reliable medical source. See, I'm not trying to scare anyone, but I AM NOT GOING TO SAY "YOU WON'T VOMIT", BECAUSE IF THEY ARE NAUSEATED, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT THEY MIGHT VOMIT!!!!! All I can really do is try to find out what might have caused it and say, "I hope you get well soon". You know... just becuase I mention what might have caused the stomach discomfort and mention that vomiting might be a symptom of it (even if it isn't common), doesn't mean they are going to vomit. People think I show no support for them at all, but what am I supposed to do? Say that they will not vomit? There is no way I can know if they will do it or not!!!! So, I try to give possibilities of what it might be.

[jgirl236]

I agree as well - focusing on a solution and not the problem is a great way to put it. Avoidance is what drives this fear in all of us and doing what we can to push forward and get exposure is something we should all strive for.


I just posted a message today questioning the possibility of my getting sick from a co-worker (Ithink Beth might have beenreferring to that when she mentioned reading some postings in particular). I am not offended at all that Beth posted what she did - she makes a very good point (and I can see that a lot of you agree with it!) But when I wrote that post - I can honestly say that I was in a state of panic and not thinking clearly. I freaked out and that is why I turned to all of you for some information. I can tell you that even if all of you said I wouldn't get sick - I would probably still worry that I would as none of us are experts or can predict the future! But sometimes its nice to have a few people put rational thoughts in your head when all you can think about are irrational and scary thoughts.


To Beth's point and to mine - we should stay focused on how we can work to recover from this fear (and support others doing the same) but also be understanding of those - who in a moment of sheer panic and distress - may need a little comfort or rational information. Is that fair???


Thanks for always being so supportive to me!


Jessica[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[2jo2]

I understand how some people in a panic may be coming here to just be comforted and want to be told, don't worry, you won't get sick... BUT as someone already pointed out, avoidance is the key to this fear, and we don't want to feed that more than we already do! I'm not one to play mind games myself, and I'm an information hog, so I personally like to get all the info I can and decide on what my plans will be if A, B or C happens. Good thread, e-lizabeth.

[youngemet222]

crazybeautiful... u know exactly where i am coming from. I agree that we need more than just the 'u wont get sick' replies, but in the case of sunshine16, she was told oh yeah u are likely to v* from a cold or flu... when thats just not true!! I know some ppl do v* from these illnesses but its very rare. And i dont care what you think of me but Youngemet is always posting the reply 'oh yeah you can get sick from this, you get sick from that' like sayin u will get sick from ur period, how rare is that and why does it need to be said?


Maybe its because i like to not know about everything that can make ppl sick... why tell everyone ? Thats what makes emets more paranoid, ppl sayin that every little thing could make them sick, it just doesnt help an emet. Well thats my view.


I know we need to be practical in some posts, u know where its poss the person might v* but saometimes its just enough to say, u know what ur ok, u probably wont be sick, then if they are they wont have been panicking about it before hand because some one said yes u are likely to v*.


Does than make any sense to you guys? I dont wanna fight with anyone but it really got to me. If you want me to leave then just say the words..


Sorry

Oh my god. That is such a lie. I did not say that she is LIKELY to vomit from the flu, it can just happen. I said on those posts that IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THEY COULD VOMIT, BUT IT IS RARE. You know, you are trying to change what I said and make me look like a bad person. I didn't say that it was likely. You said that I said it was likely. That is such a lie. You must be reading things incorrectly. If you are going to make people look like bad people when you try to incorrectly quote them, you need to STOP. I feel very offended by this and if you can not handle my research and medical information, JUST DON'T READ ?MY POSTS. [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

[sarahx]

crazybeautiful... u know exactly where i am coming from. I agree that we need more than just the 'u wont get sick' replies, but in the case of sunshine16, she was told oh yeah u are likely to v* from a cold or flu... when thats just not true!! I know some ppl do v* from these illnesses but its very rare. And i dont care what you think of me but Youngemet is always posting the reply 'oh yeah you can get sick from this, you get sick from that' like sayin u will get sick from ur period, how rare is that and why does it need to be said?


Maybe its because i like to not know about everything that can make ppl sick... why tell everyone ? Thats what makes emets more paranoid, ppl sayin that every little thing could make them sick, it just doesnt help an emet. Well thats my view.


I know we need to be practical in some posts, u know where its poss the person might v* but saometimes its just enough to say, u know what ur ok, u probably wont be sick, then if they are they wont have been panicking about it before hand because some one said yes u are likely to v*.


Does than make any sense to you guys? I dont wanna fight with anyone but it really got to me. If you want me to leave then just say the words..


Sorry

[sweetfreak]

Maybe its because i like to not know about everything that can make ppl sick... why tell everyone ? Thats what makes emets more paranoid, ppl sayin that every little thing could make them sick, it just doesnt help an emet. Well thats my view.


Does than make any sense to you guys? I dont wanna fight with anyone but it really got to me. If you want me to leave then just say the words..


Sorry

I totally agree with you on this, sarah. As I said before, we need to focus on the solution, not the problem. Telling an emet about everything that "can" make them sick is not a solution. But neither is telling them they won't get sick when they feel like they might. I thinkthe best way to deal with it is to say it is very unlikely that you will get sick, but if you do, I am here to help you through it and to come out stronger after it is over with.


I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly don't want you to leave. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sbias]

Ok Sarah I will say the words "You can't leave, your too important." [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Last night I spoke with Sunshine16, I chatted with her for a long time in the chat room, I felt great and she felt great. We should be happy for Sunshine16, and working toward solutions, and Sarah sweetie my wife gets sick from her periods, but she has a condition, youngemet I am sorry you feel like your being blasted, I for one hope we can all just say OK OK let's just set this aside, and not argue.

[youngemet222]

Well, the reason why I'm so angry and offended is that Sarah lied about what I said, incorrectly quoted me, and trys to make me look like I am a bad person, when I really didn't say, "Oh, yes. You are going to vomit". I HAVE A REASON TO BE ANGRY.Really. If you are going to try to repeat what I said, at least do it correctly and do not lie. It is really not supporting them, in my opinion, when you say, "You will not vomit". You can't be sure that they are not going to vomit. So, you aren't really helping them AT ALL. I have read threads where someone said they felt nauseated and people were saying, "Oh, it is just anxiety nausea. You won't vomit". Well, how can you be sure of that? IF THEY ARE NAUSEATED, THEY MAY VOMIT SO YOU SHOULDN'T TELL THEM THAT!!!

[sunshine16]

Okay guys...this is too much for me [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]dont look for any replies cuz i am not gonna get involved with this thread.

[Babydoll]

let me try to explain this one more time as a reasonable person before I loose my mind.


I did not rephrase your wording to make you sound like a bad person. I just pointed out something that has been obvious to alot of people. if I'm lying then so are half the people on this board , I guess.


I'm REALLY trying not to get worked up about this, youngemet but your making it VERY difficult for me not to get mad. Im very frustrated, and I cans ee your not going to even TRY to understand my point any time soon, AT least I tried to see where your coming from.


you really need to read what your write sometimes. then maybe you might see what we are all talking about.


you've lostthe point compltely. we aren't mad because you use medical terminalogy in your posts. that has nothing to do with it. we are mad because you may not be thinking about how a person will react when you say "you can vomit from anything". thats true. however, you did NOT say the chances are low in your first post to sunshine16, and you do that very frequently in others. that in tern, caused her to be way more worried than she had to be. I'm not going to explain this part again because I have about 5 times in 5 different ways.


please try to understand where some of us are coming from.Edited by: Babydoll

[youngemet222]

[img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]No....for that rewording thing, I wasn't talking about you, Babydoll. I meant, Sarah,in a post on this thread tried to make it look like I was saying it was likely for someone to vomit during the flu or their period. I didn't say it was likely. If someone who takes things seriously reads this thread, they may actually believe I said it was likely and think I'm trying to scare people. Now, you can stick up for Sarah if you want to, but she quoted me incorrectly and that could make me look like a non-emet here who is trying to scare people. Even if I didn't say the chances were low in THE FIRST Post, I never said it was likely. Just because I didn't say chances were low in the first post doesn't mean I thought the chance was high!!!! If I would have said the chances were high, I'd see where you would get angry. Okay...



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[youngemet222]

And in that first post, what if I forgot to MENTION THAT IT WAS UNLIKELY? People make mistakes, you know.

[sarahx]

Im not gonna argue with you youngemet, you are just being petty i did not wrongly quote u its there in black and white!!!


You are scaring ppl on here with your posts, wether they are backed up with medical stuff or not!!! You do not need to tell ppl about every single thing that COULD cause vomiting! emets try to avoid anything that could make them vomit. It is not helpful, i only asked you to think before you post.You are being very offensive and i have never lied in my life, im trying to make you see that the way you post your replies isnt helpful! Try to find a way to put it without replying to everyone oh yeah u can get sick from that or this or anything! We know lots of things lead to v* but we dont want that info shoved down our throats at every opportunity.


Thankyou babydoll for trying yet again to get the point across..


But some ppl just dont know when to accept responsibility


sbias, i understand that some women do v* from their periods but it is extremely rare especially when you have no other problems concerning your period/uterus. I dont wanna fight with anyone but if i was posting offensive or uneeded info/opinions on here then i would listen to what ppl are saying.

[sunshine16]

Okay, I don't really want to be here right now but it looks like I one of theonly calm ones so lets try to figure this out.


Youngemet, the fact is that you do scare already terrified people with your posts. We know deep in our hearts that v*ing can happen for many reasons. But we come here to look for comfort, and by you stating the facts that we are already terrified to hear about, well, that's just not right. Medical reasons or not, it's just not right. We come to this site on the edge, looking for comfort and turn out getting scared even more to the point of brutal anxiety for some things that you say. You need to really stop and read your posts, we want COMFORT here, that's why the site is what it is. But some things that you say really make us much worse, and at that point, we just loose all control and hope. Maybe its not like that for you, but its like that for many of us. Say for instance some one said they had a cold and is worried about v*ing (sound firmilar?) and you come along and say something like, oh yeah, you can v* from that. You aren't in that persons shoes so you do not have to experience the worry they are at that moment, and because of that you do not realize how your posts make it much worse than their anxiety should be.


Sorry.

[e-lizabeth]

some of you are completely missing my point. My point is not whether or not youngemet said something or didn't say anything, my point is this: WE ARE NOT HELPING EACH OTHER GET OVER THIS IF THE ONLY SUPPORT WE CONTINUE TO SEEK AND GIVE IS COMPLETE REASSURANCE THAT SOMEONE WILL NOT BE SICK.


Further, I wasn't ONLY addressing Sunshine - btw, glad to hear you're feeling better. I've read other posts where the exact same thing has happened. I am 39, I have been dealing with emet for a lot longer than many of you have been alive, I work for Public Health and have all sorts of medical information at my disposal, which I often withhold because what's the point. But I'm getting tired of reading posts that simply say "no, you won't get sick." point blank. Because, like youngemet says, that's often not medically accurate. And I'm sorry if others don't want to read or know about what causes and doesn't cause illness, the knowledge itself does NOT cause you to be sick.


Let's take an example from my past. I was freaking out in the winter of 2002 - many of you have read about this before in previous posts - because I do work for Public Health and there was a huge outbreak of Norwalk in the city and my whole job, day in and day out for days on end, was to answer media calls about Norwalk, to arrange and sit in on interviews where doctors talked about Norwalk, and to edit fact sheets and letters for schools and long term care facilities and funeral homes about Norwalk. It was seriously an emet's nightmare come to life. My therapist, whom I called in a total panic, talked to me about the fact that whether I was getting the calls about Norwalk or not, it still existed out in the city, and my knowledge changed absolutely nothing except my level of fear. Nothing else changed. Just my response. Does this make sense? It made total sense to me.


So what I'm trying to say is this - whether it scares us or not, some things out in the world do make people sick - now chances are, they won't make an emet sick because emets are notorious for not actually throwing up, but they can still make people sick. And whether we know it or not, whether we WANT to know it or not, the facts DO NOT CHANGE. And, I'm just so tired of trying to censor myself and others censoring themselves when they know things to be true. So when I read posts that say things like nobody ever gets sick from their period, and I know that that's just not true (thought the VAST MAJORITY of people do not), what am I supposed to do with that information?


Withholding truth from me was something my family did for a very long time, and with the best of intentions, and in the long run, it only served to continue the cycle of fear. I don't always like the knowledge I have and I don't always necessarily want it, but I know that it's helped ground me in reality and it's helped me move forward in my life, and that's what I devoutly wish for everyone on this site!!!!

[sarahx]

I hear what you are saying but some people dont want to be told all about the things that can cause us to v*!!! We are here for reassurance that we are ok, yes we MIGHT be sick anyway but at least a comforting post reduces anxiety... Do you see what i mean? I am quite aware there are many reasons someone may v* and i dont percieve it as lying to ppl when u say ' oh no u wont v*' because all we are trying to do is offer comfort and help with the panic side of things. We dont always have to analyse what they say and then come up with a reply of , well yes its quite poss u could v* ... thats not wot ppl want to hear. I know we need to give practical advice but maybe that only useful when ppl have actually v*? we can then see why it happened and help them understand why it happened.


Some ppls posts in here make ppl panic when there is no reason for it?


e-lizabeth, i know what u are trying to say but how does giving ppl like us the facts of everything that could make someone v* helpful? we want to stop the panic/anxiety not create it!! I for one do not want/need to know about every type og bug or whatever else makes ppl v*.. if it happens then ill ask why! Many of us dont want all the medical info u have, we just want some reassurance so what if all we wanna hear is 'no u wont be sick' a lot of us dont even know if the person will or wont v*!!! We are not doctors so why come out with all the medical stuff? I just want friends who will be there when things are rough going and im feeling yuk.


Can nobody see what i am saying?


I just dont want to panic ppl anymore than they already are. Ppl dont need to be told periods make ppl v*.. it just makes then think that it will happen to them, thats the way a lot of emets think.. you tell them something makes ppl v* and they instantly think theyve got it or they will get it.


Am i making any sense to anyone?


Im gettin so sick of ppl not at least trying to see where we are coming from? I think i might aswell find a different site... i cant be doing with all this its just stupid, we asked for info like that not to be used all the itme... whats wrong woth that?Edited by: sarahx

[harmonygirl72]

I almost never joing in on these "argument" threads, but I actually thought of something I want to add (Oh, and maybe because I am procrastinating doing my work! ). I agree with e-lizabeth 100 %! Everything she said makes perfect sense. But, as I read her posts in comparison with youngemet's posts, I think the difference is in tone. E-lizabeth's is realistic, though she always stated in parantheses that it is rare to get sick in that case. Youngemet's just sound more matter-of-fact, like "Yeah, you might vomit. Period." So, I think it is possible to be supportive AND realistic (like e-lizabeth). Whereas I personally do not get upset by youngemet's posts, I can totally see how some people would. I actually think it has a lot to do with age and maturity. But, bottom line is, we can not control what other people post, we can only control how we react to these posts. Good luck to everyone in that, and I am glad sunshine is feeling better! I hope no one has hard feelings anymore. I loved sbias' idea about holding hands and singing "Imagine". I have my guitar ready!

[sweetfreak]

"You might say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will live as one."


Thanks, John Lennon! And if I have misquoted you, you may reprimand me after I die and we meet. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[Babydoll]

well, I can see many of us are not going to agree on this. and I do see the point of this topic.


I feel like a broken record sometimes, lol. I see that where it might be wring to tell someone with the stomach flu, oh you won't v*, because there is a HUGE chance they will. but, someone with a cold probably won't V*, so why be so blunt about it and say, "oh yes, you might V from that" when in all probability you won't.


I do agree that a tactful and helpful answer may be, "the chances of V are low, and we're here if you need us." in a situation as a cold.


but yougemet didnt even try to be sympathetic to the person's feelings at all and was very blunt and cold. yes it might happen. but you dont have to be SO blunt about it.


thats my 2 cents.

[youngemet222]

So....you're calling me immature? If you people didn't want me to try to explain why I'm using REAL medical information to explain what their illnesses or discomfort may be coming from,they shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Based on what their symptoms are, such as a sore throat with fever and nausea, I was just saying that IT MAY had been the flu because influenza can cause all those symptoms, even though someone may become a little bit nauseated, but not vomit. I'm trying to tell them that they may get a little queasy from that illness, but it is not a major symptom, so they probably won't vomit. Just because in that first post in that other thread, I DIDN'T MENTION THAT IT WAS RARE AT FIRST, BUT I NEVER MEANT IT WAS LIKELY. FACE IT: I MADE A MISTAKE AND FORGOT TO MENTION IT WAS RARE. This arguement is stupid, and I didn't start it. The person who started it was the person that first criticized the fact that I use medical facts in my respones, even though I NEVER SAID VOMITING WAS LIKELY. Now that YOU ARE ALL against me, I'll leave. One thing....whoever started this arguement, trying to make me look like an unsupportive person that has no respect for other people that are emets that can't stand medical information, needs to chill out and not take my posts into their minds that much. Please. I am sick of this.


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