My husband knows..

[buttercup]

Well, my husband kinda knows about the phobia now, but I didn't tell him. The other day I needed him to install a program on the computer for me to do my work (I work from home) and when he was on here he saw this site in my internet history. I didn't know he saw it. His sister had come over and used the computer earlier that day and later he said to me "So, is my sister afraid of v* or are you?". I completely paniced inside. I asked him why he said that and he said he saw the site. I almost lied, but then I didn't, at least not really. I said, "well, yeah, I hate v*." He asked me why I seemed so embarrassed and I said "well, it's kind of weird isn't it?" Then he said, "No I guess not, I mean, who likes v*?" Then he dropped it and acted like nothing had happened. Neither of us have brought it up since, and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I should have said something else because I don't think he understands I don't just not like v* like other people, I am terrified and it consumes my thoughts a lot of the time. He just caught me so off guard. Maybe this is enough, though, because the next time someone is sick or I get scared he'll probably remember this. Do you guys think I should bring it up again? I wish I didn't feel so ashamed.

[cwarren]

Hi buttercup.


You have been very brave already admitting that much to your husband. I think that you should definitely bring the topic up again, when you've put your son to bed and it's quiet, and have a calm chat about it. It is very important that he knows really, as you need someone to confide in and he would undoubtedly appreciate your honesty about it.


Good luck and keep us updated! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[buttercup]

Thanks for the encouragement. Sorry about your hamster, I too get very attached to pets, they are like family memebers! I have a goldfish we got for my son's first birthday over a year ago, and I think I'll cry when something happens to it!

[jazz]

your husband must be lovely! my dad ( not my significant other, i know) tends to scoff at me for using these sort of sites- he doesn't understand at all.
don't feel embarassed by this, because he obviously understands a bit better now. Just feel relieved that this isn't something that you have to hide.

[buttercup]

My husband is pretty great, but I had plenty of problems with my parents when I was growing up too!!

[Jenneh]

i would try bring it up again, if u can...


just so that he gets the seriousness of it, and will support you if u decide to get some help!


Jen xxx

[jgirl236]

Buttercup,


I know its difficult to talk about this phobia but I agree with the others - you should bring it up again if you can. I had a horrible time talking to my boyfriend of 2 years about it - but what a weight off my shoulders! He doesn't completely get it - but he is much more sensitive now that he knows I have the issue with v*. Its nice to know that when I do really get freaked out - that I don't have to endure it alone.


Just a piece of advice from someone who really knows what you are going through! I hope you can find peace with telling him.


Jessica[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[sage]

I also understand that shame is a powerful force and it makes it almost impossible for us to move forward - like we're paralyzed with it. But of course, logically, a phobia is nothing to be ashamed of. If you had a physical disease you'd tell him, right? Plus he has a right to know, in case it affects him sometime AND MORE IMPORTANTLY if he knows he can help you. Cuz he loves you and cares how you feel. Perhaps when you were young there was no one there to meet your needs, or who really cared for you. But if that's true it's not "normal". Normally the people we love care a lot and want to help us however they can.


You can try printing out some of the information on the Treatments thread (I wrote a piece for professionals, but it's appropriate for family members too). After you give it to him to read, tell him how ashamed you feel. I'm sure he'll be wonderfully supportive at that point, and it will help to heal your shame somewhat. Shame makes the phobia worse, for sure.


Good luck!