OT- Friends...

[wing]

This is OT really...but I just need some comfort... I've complained about this friend I've had in the past. You see, she's supposedly my "best" friend and man, I dont know where to start..


Okay, we have SAT prep together so we usually go together...so that was last Sunday. She and I talked like we normally do and I didn't see any change there. Monday came and we had no school and I never logged online to talk to her. I dont go on AIM much so the next time I saw her was Tuesday...the problem is when I went into school, she was being so distant to me. When we went to classes, she never glanced at me nor said a word. Her eyes passed me as if I was invisible. Okay...I let that pass.. but she did it throughout the whole day and then I was waiting for her after school..she comes out but just keeps walking, so I run to catch up with her. My parents are waiting for me so I ask her if she wants a ride because she usually comes with me and she says I'll take the train. I'm like "okay" Nothing much wrong that day except she's more distant than normal.


The thing is it keeps getting worse as the days progress. =[ Itry to talk to her andit seems as if shedoesn't want to talk to me. Like she wants to end the conversations as soon as possible. And sometimes she wont even look at me when I ask her something. Its like she's avoiding me. What could have happened in one day to make her like that? u_u


I tried to confront her once and she logged off.Tonight Iasked herif she wants to come with me to SAT prep as she usually does, she says "Can't you go by yourself?" She seems so cold to me. Then I ask herwhy she's been avoiding me this whole week andyou know what? She logs off... I'm angry at this point andI ask this guy who I also hang out with, with her,"what is going on?" because he's been ignoring me too though not as much but still so distant.. ='[ After I ask him that he logs off too!!T_T


I feelso betrayed and everything, I dont know why.I asked another friend if he knows what's up andI tell him and he said I'm being selfish for thinking of myself. Am I being selfish though if I'm asking? I'm confused and I dont know what's going on, and he says I'm being selfish! I feel so hurt right now... I mean, what did I do to her or him when I never even saw them on Monday that they have to ignore me?... <='[


I've been worrying all week about what to do and what not. How to act and why they're ignoring me. How should I confront them or should I not... I'm lacking sleep because I can't concentrate on my schoolwork, I feel like crying all the time (I'm so weak), and most of all whenever I think about it I feel sick. =[


Sorry that its so long..sorry for posting this OT too...

[californiagirl]

WOW-- to be fair, can you recall ANYTHING that you may have said or did to someone? SOmething someone may have overheard? This seems very strange, and I feel bad for you!! Can you call any of these people or maybe stop be their house and talk to them? How about if you're online and chat with them, say something like, "Please don't log off, I really need to know...........". Please keep us posted, and I hope all works out.

[tcsarah]

I really feel for you, I've been through similar things with friends in the past and it is really upsetting and just blows your mind thinking what it is you can have possibly done wrong. I think the way they won't tell you why they are acting coldtowards you is pretty immature behaviour. You are right in wanting to know what is going on and why they are suddenly ignoring you, I would want to know too. I think maybe something has been said, maybe gossip or an odd comment that has upset your best friend, I don' know. Is there any chance somebody you know is wanting to cause trouble so may have made something up about you? Often jealousy can cause trouble eg if somebody is jealous of your friendship they may try and damage it for their own ends. I found out years later why the friend I used to work with started blanking me (very upsetting and puzzling at the time as we had been very close friends) - because she became obsessed that her then boyfriend wanted me instead of her!


I think you should say to your friend that if your friendship ever meant anything at all, could she please tell you what you have done to upset her, because you really don't know. If she refuses to speak to you try writing her a letter.


Take care, and try not to worry too much as I'm sure it will all get sorted. please let us know how things go.


Tracey x

[SimplyMe]

I'm so sorry. They are handling it quite immaturly. If theya re upset you at least deserve a reason. I would write an email, a rational and mature one just saying that you are confused as to why you get the cold shoulder and would like to know what you did, maybe you can clear things up and if not just to know would be nice. Maybe there is something going on in her personal life that is causing this. Anyhow if you don't get a response to the email I would personally just try to forget about it. Someone elses immaturity isn't worth your sleep and health. That may sound cold but a REAL friend would at least let you know why she is angry rather than be rude to you. Plus if you are enjoying yourself at school w or w/o her and just going about your life (not being mean to her or ignoring her like say hi in halls but just being you instead of trying to apease her) than she will see she isn't getting to you, you will know you did everything you can and if she comes around great if not you will be OK still! Hang in there, High school is hell!

[wing]

Californiagirl- I dont gossip about her. I valued our friendship so much that I wouldn't jepordize it with gossip...so I dont think I said anything bad about her to start something. Other people...I noticed she's acted the same how she acts around them, there is no change over there, just to me. I tried to ask another friend, and like I said, he said I was being paranoid and selfish for thinking of myself even if I was just asking him about why she's ignoring/avoiding me...but I know I can pick up when someone is ignoring me especially if I knew that person for so long. Sorry for complaining. =/


TcSarah- You know, I think I give her too many chances. Every year, at least once for a few weeks she would basically ignore me and leave me out of things. The reason I'm so upset this year is because unlike the other years she was is being so cold to me this year. I can't remember anyone that would hate me though...I'm usually quiet in school and talk to people just here and there, I dont speak up enough for people to hate me. I'm usuallya pushover.Maybe I'll write an email..heh, I can't believe she logged off when I asked her.


Simplyme- I wish they'd give me a reason. I saw them today at SAT prep. I walked in and didn't approach the guy but then class started and she was late so I didn't say anything as the exam was going to begin. She walked in and took a seat with him and she left with him without saying anything to me. I didn't know what to say to her either... maybe I should have said something...i dont know..sometimes I wish I was more outspoken. I wish she'd tell me why she was mad at me. Argh. I called my other best friend and toldher.(I've got two, one I go to school withand another goes to another school. The one that isavoiding me goes to school with me.) My other best friend was like"I really dont know what to say, I dont act like that" And she'sright. The other one lets meknow when she's angry. High school is hell! Yes it is! I sometimes can't wait to graduate..! I'm half way through my junior year.. >_< But I know College wont be a joy-ride either right?


Ah... Thank you you guys...I dont know what will happen tomorrow though..urg, 5 more days of school and seeing her. I wish I didn't have so manyclasses with her! >_<

[californiagirl]

Californiagirl- I dont gossip about her. I valued our friendship so much that I wouldn't jepordize it with gossip...so I dont think I said anything bad about her to start something. Other people...I noticed she's acted the same how she acts around them, there is no change over there, just to me. I tried to ask another friend, and like I said, he said I was being paranoid and selfish for thinking of myself even if I was just asking him about why she's ignoring/avoiding me...but I know I can pick up when someone is ignoring me especially if I knew that person for so long. Sorry for complaining. =/

Oh, you're not complaining, you're hurt and concerned, as you should be, because you are beimg treated very strangely! That is so weird how they are treating you--I feel bad that your hurt, because you thought she was your friend. A friend would talk to you about this and try to straighten things out, and if you knew what they problem is, then at least you'd be a little less confused. Hopefully you'll find something out, and if it doesn't work out then at least you know you have friends here to talk to[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Also, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to think I'm being insensitive, but I meant that are you sure she didn't overhear something, like, maybe you didn't agree with her on an issue, and she is distant because of that? I know that there are some people who react badly when someone doesn't have the same views as they do on something. OR, maybe someone else said something about you, trying to break up your friendship? People are mean, and nothing surprises me anymore!! I really do hope you get a chance to talk to her.......Edited by: californiagirl

[SimplyMe]

Aww, I'm sorry she was like that today too. The truth is it will either pass and she'll get over whatever crawled up her butt or she won't and you will move on. Your other friend sounds like she has her ehad on straight. It's too bad the one being mean is at your school. As for college, I started at age 24 or 25 so maybe that is why it is different to me but I can tell you it is NOTHING like HS. It's much more mellow. (at least mine is anyhow.) You'll get thru this! Edited by: SimplyMe

[tcsarah]

You say she does this sort of thing every year -I wonder if she is doing it for attention? It is not normal behaviour, particulary towards a close friend. I really don't think this girl desserves your friendship, you sound much too nice for her! I bet she will go through life throwing these kind of strange strops on friends and will suffer because of it. You, however will go on to make many good friends and keep them because you know how to treat a friend properly.


Anyhow, I hope things go ok at school, just keep reminding yourself that you aren't the one with the problem, she is - she's the one playing silly mind games -and you have done nothing wrong.


All the best.


Tracey

[wing]

Ack. >_< Its so hard to go to school and see her not talk to me.. ;_; I didn't have many friends to begin with because of SAand she was like my whole life. I feel so alone now. It's pretty pathetic but I'd sacrafice so much to be friends with her and I can't believe just all of a sudden she wants to break our friendship after four years. We even have the same last name so I'm almost always near her if we have a class. Yes, she's done this at least once a year but then this time..this is the first time she was so cold to me, so I confronted her about it. I've never done that before and after that, she hasn't said a word to me. I wish school would end and I'd never have to go back..! Its horrible that I have to see her 6 days a week now. =[


I wish I could keep thinking I did nothing wrong and no matter what people tell me it just eases the pain for a little while but then it comes back when I'm alone. I hate high school. Argh, I dont know what to do..! My mom tells me to forget about it and she's not worth it, hard to think that when she's so popular in school. I dont want to do something to make her tell other people to not like me. Some reason I dont know what to believe anymore and I dont know if she'd do something like that. It seems a bit out of character for her but after this, I dont think I know her anymore. T_T


I wish I couldswitch schools. Not like anyone would care. I have like a few people I talk to but I dont know how to call them friends. I rarely hang out with them. Oh gosh, I was so stupid in the 9th grade. I hung out with her most of all because we came from the same middle school and I felt safe with her, so I never got to make any friends, and you know what she asked of me??She was like "you wont put them above me right?" I am soooo stupid!! I was like "of course not"and you know what? I kept to that promise. I didn't allow myself to get close to anyone else for fear that she's feel left out. I sacraficed so much..! I wish I could go back and correct everything...I am too naive for my own good and now it's coming back to haunt me in a way I never thought possible.


Sorry. =\ but I thank you guys for the replies. They do help, I just dont know why I can't seem to get over it. =I

[californiagirl]

So.........do you know why she's upset at you? Did she give you a reason? I don't know if I'm missing something here.


I really feel bad that you have to hurt like this, people can be so cruel -- but try to keep your chin up [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[wing]

Sadly no...she didn't tell me anything. I confronted her about it and she never answered me but after that she ceased talking to me. I mean we sit next to each other in class--have 5/9 classes together and its horrible. For some reason, she's been getting closer to this guy and I dont know if that is it but maybe she just wants to hang out with him. But then, if she wants to hang out with him then she should just tell me. I mean she told me she doesn't want to go out with him but then why is she pushing me away...I dont know butif that is the case..I can't believe she'd sacrafice a friend of so many years for a guy she met least year.. (no offense to guys..)

[tcsarah]

Unfortunatley some people do - they meet a partner and then drop all their friends to spend all their spare time with their new squeeze. Thing is they are then usually up the proverbial sh**ty bang creek if they split with their girlfriend/boyfriend as since they didn't find time for friends they have either moved on or no longer wish to be friends with somebody who will drop them and find no time for them if a partner comes along.


I'd lay bets on this whole thing being something to do with this guy. Maybe he wants her all to himself so is controlling her in some way (I've met people like this before who want them to have no other friends but themselves). You never know he may have made something up about you which your friend believes, hence he has got his own way by breaking down your friendship. I bet before long they are officially an item and everything will become clear as to why all this strange behaviour is going on.


Try not to let it eat away at you, keep coming here and sharing things with your cyber buddies to get it off your chest. It must be hard having to be around this girl six days a week soI'm sure you will need to vent, just make sure you don't bottle things up, ok?


Is there any way you could make some new friends at school? Any clubs or anything you could squeeze into your schedule? Just a thought as I'm sure having new friends would help no end.


Take care <hugs>.


Tracey