Newbie... had a horrible weekend..

[jrhst67]

Hi.. I'm new to this site.. just joined a few mins ago. My name's
Jack... I'm 28yo and I've suffered from anxiety/panic attacks +
emetophobia since I was about 8 yrs old. I'm now a pharmacist
working for a pharmaceutical company as a sales rep. I've had
many accomplishments despite this terrible, debillitating fear...
Throughout the last 20 years I've been able to overcome several other
fears including public speaking... and most recently, flying.
(for the first two years I drove to all meetings.. sometimes 24-36hr
trips to avoid flying). However, this is the one fear that I just
can not get overcome, and it still haunts me today.



One of my biggest problems with being an emet is that when I feel that
I am getting the sv, I freak out and immediately want to be
around a family member or loved one who understands the fear.
It's been so long (3rd grade) since I've V, that I'm scared of choking
to death or passing out. I've had the sv a handful of times
throughout the last 20 yrs but never actually V. I've been
EXTREMELY close though.. even to the point that one time my body has
"locked up" and I've strained myself holding back. I think I had
food poisoning that time though, because normally with the sv.. I'm
able to make it through just by feeling horrible for a long period of
time until it passes.



I had a fear of travelling long distances from home because I was
afraid I would get the sv while away. I forced myself to travel
over the past 3 yrs, and I've gotten much better at coping with
it. However, this weekend... I had a business trip about 4 hrs
from where I live. It was a 4 day meeting, and the first 2 days
went fine. On the second night we went out to dinner... and I had
steak and seafood. Because I had a lingering cold, I was unable
to tell that the seafood smelled aweful until I had already eaten more
than half. One person next to me noticed the smell, and only one
other person had the same terrible smelling seafood. I instantly
panicked... I told my manager who was sitting next to me that I
had to leave... I tried to explain my fear... but I don't think he
understood. I couldn't even think straight... everyone at the
table was telling me to go make myself V, so I wouldn't get food
poisoning... and that just made things worse. My stomach began
hurting and I started to panic. It got so bad that I packed
everything... went to the airport... rented a car... and drove 4hrs
through the snow to get home. My manager seemed upset and
frustrated with me the next day on the phone... although he didn't
really say it.



Everything passed and things seem to be back to normal for me with
work... but I feel embarrassed and I worry about similar events
happening in the future and putting my career in jeopardy.



Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? suffer from
fear of travelling far from home because of the fear of V? Any
suggestions on how to deal with these types of situations?



By the way, it was so reassuring to find this site and see that so many
others have so many of the same questions that I've grown up
thinking. I feel like I'll be able to contribute alot to this
site from past experiences... but I wish I had the answer on how to get
rid of this fear.

[gumdropper1]

Jack,


We were just talking the other day about how few male emets there were here or anyplace else, so welcome. Me, I never eat seafood, but I can understand your panicking when you realized the fish was not so good. I think I would have simply gone to my hotel room and waited it out there. Keep in mind that it takes time for food poisoning to happen, so there would have been no harm in waiting for the dinner to end.


You are strong -- you have gone 20 years without vomiting -- and you have learned to deal with stomach viruses and food poisoning. You can deal with them again and again.


Doug

[ontariogirl]

Welcome Jack.
My sister lives 6 hours away. She just had her baby. My mom was going there for about 4 days and my sister phoned and asked if I could come. I told her I couldn't because it is 6 hours and I couldn't handle the drive. She sounded upset but didn't make me feel guilty at all. I thought about it and I went and surprized her. It wasn't that bad.
The second time was the worst. My dad, mom and I went to see her. Going there was ok coming back was he car ride from hell.
My sister decided that she will come back with us for a visit, in a Honda. My dad drove, I sat in the front my sister, her baby and mom in the back. In an hour of leaving I felt wierd, that caused me to to wolf down 3 bonamines. I felt so sick and I didn't want to freak out infront of them. I just concentrated on the trees as we were driving. We made it home but I still wasn't right. I took too many pills.
I am always afraid of going in a vehicle. I am afraid that if my stomach feels off I will panic and I dont want to freak out infront of somone. I am scared of throwing up infront of someone including family/friends. i am afraid to throw up period. It has ruled my life since the age of 9 when it began for me. It does suck. Are you seeking any help for this phobia.
I do give you the thumbs up for what you have accomplished. You have done well.

[thestruggle]

Eating bad seafood is about as bad as it gets for us. The feeling you instantly get when someone says "hey, that shrimp smells funny" is instant terror. Then we start in with the questions. "What do you mean?", is it the sauce, some type of seasoning, maybe it's something else. What we are really intending to ask is, Is it spoiled?, am I going to v*. Then all of the panic escalates and we immediately feel sick to our stomachs. It is completely natural for us to react this way. I still get the same way if someone asks, "does this smell funny" around the dinner table. It's a sure way to end the meal. Don't feel bad. It's one of the most difficult situations that we as emets can face, no matter what level of phobia we have. I love sushi, and most of the time I don't even think about the possibility of getting sick. I've progressed to the point where I can block out the anxiety andenjoy my meal. Most emets stay far away from sushi, because of the possible risk. But I would probably have reacted the same way as you did in your situation. Try to explain how you felt to your manager, but don't reveal anything about your condition that you don't feel comfortable sharing. Next time you have seafood at a restaurant, do it in a less pressured situation and hopefully in time you will be able to sit down with your manager again for dinner with complete confidence that this episode is far behind you.

[jrhst67]

Thanks so much for the responses. I was with my manager last
week, and there was no mention of the incident. We focused on
what I missed at the meetings and the work that needed done that
day. I decided not to bring it up since we were having a solid
workday. Thanks Doug, for the encouragement... and your right...
in the back of my mind I knew I would probably be OK staying.. but then
all the what if's about getting sick away from home got to my head and
I couldn't take it.



To your point Ontariogirl, I used to have trouble travelling in a car
when I was younger with the same exact fears that you have. In
fact, I used to avoid field trips and other stuff I should have been
enjoying because I would get anxiety/panic attacks during the
trip. Somehow, I managed to overcome the fear by reassuring
myself that I can pull over at any time during a trip... even if its
just to get some air... in other words, you are not trapped in that
situation... and if you are with family or friends... they should
understand... it still may make you feel awkward to tell them... but
I've even let people know before the trip that I get panic attacks...
and they've been good about trying to understand... even if they never
dealt with anthing similar. For me, the more I made myself do
it... the more I realized that I didn't need to pull over... and the
easier things got. Now, flying iwas a different story for me....
its pretty much required at least once or twice a year for my job...
and I couldn't do it for the first 2 yrs... because you can't pull
over. Also, I was afraid that I would get airsick. I
haven't seen a therapist since I was very young (which honestly didn't
help me much then)... but I did decide to go through several sessions
of hypnotherapy for the flying fear. I did end up flying shortly
after the sessions... however, I think it had more to do with me
motivating myself to get on a plane... than it did having the
hypnotherapy... but I'm not sure. If you think it will help
you... try talking to your family before any trips.. and explain that
you get anxiety/panic attacks when travelling. Although I don't
think emetophobia is a fear that can be overcome by forcing yourself to
face the fears... I do think that a lot of the associated fears, such
as the fear of travelling, can be overcome by exposure and motivating
yourself to travel... Keep your head up and realize that what your are
going through is not uncommon for someone with our fear... and it can
and will get better the more you do it...



Thanks for responding thestruggle, I think one thing I've learned
for sure from this trip... is to be a little more careful about what I
eat when I'm far from home, expecially on a business trip... I'm going
to cut out the seafood, unless I'm closer to home... sometimes its hard
to resist because you do get to have some pretty good meals when on
these trips... where the menus are almost all seafood... but after the
experience I had... I kept thinking... why didn't I just order
something different... Awesome job on overcoming the anxiety associated
with eating sushi.. I've never even tried it for that exact reason...
It's a shame how many different enjoyable experiences this fear causes
you to miss out on... I've missed out on a lot throughout my life
thanks to this fear... but at least, things are much better now than
they were in the past for me...



thanks again for all the responses... it really does help... I swear, I
thought for years that I was one of the only people to suffer from
this... I wish I knew about this site or other support groups years
ago.

thanks,

jack

[liz001]

Hi Jack,


Ican relate to some of what you are saying. Some of my friends arewanting to plan a trip to Florida soon and I'm like "What if I get sick?!?!?!?" I want to go, but at the same time I want to stay here at my house where I feel safe, ya know? I did go on a camping trip last year. It was about a 2 hour drive and I was just totally scared the whole way there b/c we were in a car full of people. I just tried to look out the window and concentrate on other things. I hate leaving!!!! I do have a question for you though. I have not v* in awhile either, so I'm sure that I have some kind of thing I do to prevent it, but what do you do when you have the sv? Like, how are you holding back? Haha, I feel like that is a dumb thing to want to know, but hey, I'm not ready for it to happen yet, so whatever I can do to prevent it I'll do!!!

[rasogommato]

I too am a male emetophobe..and I have missed out on so many opportunities due to the whole travelling thing. I have been offered the opportunity to travel to Europe several time and have declined just because I dont think I can deal with the plane ride...I am just like you guys in that I only really like to travel in a car, and I really prefer to be the driver.
So in a nutshell, I dont fault you for your actions, I would have done the exact same thing! seriously!
This phobia sucks this time of year. There are so many people out of work every day with SV that I have several panic attacks on a daily basis...what can we do though...keep our hands clean and our heads up right. at least we have each other right, and this site where we can talk to one another about our "triumphs and pitfalls"..we can all learn from each others experiences.

[jrhst67]

Hey liz001... to answer your question honestly, I panic when I have the
sv... I take a compazine to prevent myself from V, then i usually just
try to wait it out with horrible stomach pains... there was one
time when my body was too sick and tried to V, and all of my muscles
tensed up and would not let it happen... it was terrible... I actually
wanted to V to feel better and try to get over the fear, but my body
would not let it happen... So, I don't have any really great advice on
how to cope with the sv, but the good news is that the majority of
times that I've had the sv, I've been able to just tolerate the stomach
pains until they pass...



yeah rasogommato, there is not much you can do this time of year.
I'm in hospitals and dr. offices every day for my job... so I was
really paranoid when I first started this job... but I don't seem to
get sick any more than I did when I was in college... years go by
without getting the sv... but I'm definitly still scared of getting
it.. and I panic when I do think that I'm getting sick...