Aviodance and Reasurance

[Babydoll]

I hope I dont cause a big conflict, but I see alot of unheathly things on this site sometimes. This site is great as well.. its wonderful to have people who understand exactly what you are going through, but it can almost be like the blind leading the blind. I've noticed in alot of topics, the main purpose is to promote aviodance of vomiting. I understand why this is, because obviously when you are afraid of something, not facing it seems like the best option. It may seem like a good solution, but aviodance feeds this phobia and makes it grow. I'm not saying we should all just go out and do something to make ourselves vomit, but little everyday things, such as checking in with each other about our food, or some illness we have ( or don't have) can help feed the irrational concept that vomiting is indeed the worst possible thing that can happen.


I worry about everyone on this site, and I hate to see people get worse. I know that by somewhat controlling my compusions ( checking, asking about food) has helped ease some of my obsessions a little bit. It may sound backward, but you can actually change your cognitive thoughts but changing your behaviour. Its not perfect, but it certainly has helped my focus on other things.


I guess my point of this topic is to say that I would like to see you all try to rationalize things out in your head before/ or instead of coming to the site. Checking in with other emets is only going to make you feel better temporarily, but soon after you'll need to check in again for a similar problem. If you can rationalize things out, then you'll always be able to tell YOURSELF that "its okay".


I know alot of emets are not at this point yet, but I think alot of you are more brave than you think! its amazing what you can do that you Think you can't. There are ways of fighting this phobia, and telling it who the boss is!


when that "will I get sick...." voice appears in your head, try to think positive. Tell yourself that you are brave and rationalize the circumstances surrounding it. when you can do this yourself, your on a good step to releasing the control the phobia has over you!

[ontariogirl]

I understand what you are saying babydoll. How many times has there been a post for the positive. Stop thinking with the what if's? There have been quite a few of them. I think we all need reasurrance and if getting that reasurrance from here helps then good.
I feel that if I can't figure something out on my own then i come here. We all have good days and bad days. I like this forum and the people who come here.
No conflict coming from me.

[j0nr0cks]

I agree on several points.


I feel a great deal of support from this site, and in times of need i really appreciate it. However, I do become dependent on things like this as a crutch and find myself checking in every day, or a few times a day and sometimes the posts and experiences I read on here do feed my fear. I mean think about it... if you see on here that someone had a horrible experience right after BLANK happened.... when BLANK happens to you you may expect the same result. I'm not sure how I feel about this because I will admit that it is a blessing to have found this site, and to have all of you who understand what emet is truly like. At the same time I wonder if this will help me get better and not just further my fears. It's all very confusing, but I am in therapy now and working on getting into some CBT because I really need to rid myself of this horrid phobia, as we all do, but I'm just not sure what the best way to do that is.

[Babydoll]

bump... sorry to move this up already but Id like it to bee seen before it gets lost in the jumpbe of posts.

[gumdropper1]

Babydoll,


This forum is the best emetophobia list I've been on. People here are much more open to confronting their phobia and making themselves do things they'd rather not than an the other lists I've been on. On those lists, people were only interested in coping with the phobia and not even a little bit interested in confronting it or coming up with a cure.


IES has so many members that there will always be those who are more interested in coping than anything else, but there are those we can read about and celebrate who are truly working to overcome their phobia.


Doug

[mitch04133]

I see the point, but I used to be "one of the those people" I would come on here asking for reassurance about everything. This phobia ran my life. I lost tons of weight,wouldn't eat anything, every stomach noise I would come on here and post. To tell you the truth, that is what got me through those horrible times. Maybe it was unhealthy and maybe it wasn't, but I do know that when no one else understands what is going on, coming here is and coping is the only thing. I am a million times better now, and I would hae to say it is because coming to this site. I never recieved therapy or went on medication, this site was my medication. I had no money to do the others, and sometimes if this site is all you can do, then it's better to get your fears out, then bottle them, cause then you are likely to do something to yourself.


To me, this post might make people who come to this site for support feel bad about what they are doing. All you can do is offer them advice, not limited what they need to get by day by day.


Michele

[babygap5]

I think that if a person feels better by coming onto this site to talk about there feelings, thats fine. If a person feels uncomfortable, or think that this site is making the phobia worse for them, then they need to stop coming here. This topic has been posted NUMEROUS times and the answers are always the same. Each person is different and is handling this phobia in a different manner. They should never be made to feel like they are "not strong" or "weak" because they are coming here for every little noise their tummy makes. This is a site to offer people support in ALL areas of their phobia and life. Babydoll, you made a valid point about being concerened for people on this site, but, you shouldn't encourage people to "rationalize" things in their head, sometimes, a person just isn't at that point yet. I encourage everyone on this site, to cry, vent, be scared about v*, basically BE THEMSELVES!!! Think about it, what other outlet do most people have where they can find several hundred people all with the same fears and emotions?

[stella9]

Babydoll,


I hear your concern, but that is not what this board is about. People come here because they are vulnerable, scared and have no one else around to commiserate with. How many of you, us, we, have had family members, friends and co-workers totally minimalize how we feel when we share our emet with them? While yourphilosophy may seem proactive on the one hand, I don't think it applies to this group in general. This is place where we should feel safe to express how we are feeling about recent sickness in areas schools, hospitals, with friends or just random knowledge that something is going around. We need to know that others understand.Platitudes and suggestions ofnot worrying about it are not the answer.


I appreciate where you are in your consciousness of your emetophobia, but others are not their. Not everyone thinks like your, nor should you. Your methods for combatting negative thinking may be wonderful for you, but not for someone else.


Lastly, I don't think most people who come here are "made worse" by the information they receive on this site. The problem may be more systemic to prolonged use of the Internet - not just this site but others and general googling.


Stella

[stella9]

Oops - their should be there.


Stella

[lizzo]

hear hear!

[Babydoll]

I agree that not everyone may be at this point in their phobia, but my point of the post is just to be aware that this option exists. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough.


We all know aviodance of something makes those feelings of fear stronger. we are afraid of it because it's unknown, and when we take little steps to combat it, we realize that its not as horrible as we once thought.


One of the most effective approaches is exposure and ritual prevention (ERP). This is a process where the ritutals are actively prevented and the patient is systematically and gradually exposed to the feared thoughts or situations. The person soon learns that on an emtional level, that no harm will result whether he carries out the rituals or not.


an example of a ritual is checking ( which Is one thing I have had trouble with). As emets most of us do this to ease the fear that our food/house/person may be contaminated with a vomiting type virus/ bacteria


I have taken alot of classes and these methods have been proven effective for alot of people, and yes, there are exceptions, there always will be exceptions. facing your obsessive thoughts head on is a hard thing to do, but no one ever said overcoming this phobia would be easy. I am very blessed to have my mother, who has suffered from anxiety disorders, and I think this has allowed me to nip the phobia in the bud before it REALLY takes over my life.


I think this board is a wonderful thing! It helps us all come to terms with the challenges we face everyday. Im not complaing about the site in any way, Im just trying to suggest ways that we can fight this phobia.


Again, i know not everyone is at this point. I just want to make aware some of the treatments that we can work on ourselves to help ease the anxiety associated with our fear. Some of us might be able to take this step, others not, and thats okay. You have to be ready.

[happyteacher]

Babydoll,


I agree with what you are saying. People should feel free to express their feelings and fears about emetophobia on this site without judgement, but I also support that we shouldn't be congratulating people on avoidance behaviours that continue, and in many cases, make their phobia worse. We should instead be celebrating those who make babysteps toward beating this thing and conquering their fear as this is the only way to get well. Fighting this phobia doesn't mean continuing to avoid it.


My therapy is all about exposure and ritual prevention. BELIEVE me, it works! I am getting better each day. I have done thingsin the last year that I thought I could never do. You would never believe how good it feels not to have to check and monitor everything that goes on around you and to be able to let go any anxiety causing situations and not think about them. You would be surprised how much energy we waste on that!


happyteacher

[princessmel]

I agree with Babydoll, but my level of this phobia might be better than others. I have learned to deal with it so much better. I don't obsess about certain things like other people do, but then again, others haven't reached that point yet and that's ok. It takes time, courage and strength. I definitely don't avoid things anymore as far as social situations go. I may get somewhat anxious, but I push myself to go, and I always end up having a great time and always ask myself, why did I worry so much? I eat anything. I don't always wash my hands except of course after the bathroom. Seeing vomit on the street doesn't bother me. Reading posts that might bother others on this site doesn't bother me. I don't think about illnesses. I think I've just come to the point where I don't care anymore. I still like coming here though. Everyone is so nice. Nighttime is my favorite time of the day. I guess I consider it my time. I like to help others on here if I can. Just rambling now. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[japa]

Well,this forumcould cause a worse problem for people if they substitute coming onhere and having people agree with them for trying to work on a cure for the phobia. And it's also a problem if they use the forum to reinforce their phobia by reading other posts and finding new things to worry and obsess about that they never thought about before. I have read posts in the past where people have done that, and they have had to leave the forum because of it.


This is just my opinion, but I think that the way this board can be a help is if someone uses it in conjunction with self help books, therapy, or even just challenging one's own phobic thinking patterns. I think that people do need to challenge themselves on their irrational thinking and to have others challenge them.


My therapistchallenged me a couple of years ago on a very, very core negative thought that I had about myself. I was angry. I was confused. I was sad. I cried for days. I had to call in sick to my job because I was emotionally debilitated. But that challenge, and I'm glad that she had the courage to pursue it, has ushered inthe most positive changes in my life. "Support" and "help" are not always about telling someone that it is just fine to continue thinking the way that they do.


People may be at various stages of severity of the phobia and various stages of coping, yet to me the saddest part would be to remain stagnant in where you are at - to stop trying to grow and change for the betterconcerning this phobia with an aim toward eradicating it. The worst thing, in my opinion, would be to consider that now you have found like-minded individuals and you can sit back and relax because people will understand and support your thinking no matter how irrational it is.

[princessmel]

Good reply japa. When I first came on this site, I did start to obsess about certain things I would read on the posts. I don't do that anymore. I just ignore it and move on. With this phobia, you have to take one day at a time. Some people may never be cured, BUT there are many ways in learning how to "deal" with it much more better. You just have to retrain your brain to think differently, that's all. It's hard, but it can be done. Instead of waking up and thinking, what if I vomit today? Be positive and happy that you are alive. Go out and enjoy the day or stay in andbe lazy.lol I do that a lot and get in trouble by my husband.lol I'll start doing stuff around the house about an hour before he comes home. Sometimes I just want a day for myself. Today I'm probably going to go shopping. Now I'm rambling again.lol Sorry. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[purpleteacher]

Misery loves company, but miserable company becomes depressing.


Not everyone is at the place you are describing, yet many of us are working to achieve that point. Remember that not all of us are in therapy (or can afford it) and not all of us have support systems in real life to deal with our anxiety. In some way, this site becomes a type of support system and this site helps us learn to build support systems offline.


This site as a whole is very uplifting and encouraging. It is hard to deal with something that consumes so much of our energy so silently. Just knowing there is a place out there where we can vent and can be heard by understanding ears does wonders for many of us.


I do agree that a site like this can become a trigger. Those who are not ready to accept and or work through their anxiety - this site can become a feeder for their own personal nightmares. It takes people who can distance themselves and be mature to handle this type of site.


We are really here to support and love each other, but sometimes the support can be more than we can take. In some ways, we can become dependent on what others are going through and experiencing due to their own variation of this phobia and not focus enough on what we are actually experiencing ourselves.

[SimplyMe]

I can see both sides to this and personally believe that there can be a middle ground.


I think most or all of us has posted something looking for reassurance. The replies I have recieved that I beleive helped the most and when I reply to these I try to be supportive and reassuring but inserting a "reality check" too. Like if someone is afraid because they drank flat soda (for lack of a better example) I think it's ok to say "it won't make you sick" but also add that flat soda is actually good for a stomach and that I've drank it before and been OK and know people who have and that it's soda which pretty much is good forever. Ya know? I know that's a porr example but my brain is on vacation today. Point is I think some rational thinking, examples of personal or past experience AND reassurance can coexist.[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[s0ccer_princess]

I agree with all of the points raised here by everyone.


Firstly, I can see why some people may perceive this site as detrimental to moving on and developing. Sometimes dwelling on something won't help make it go away, especially when considering the nature of emetophobia and phobias in general. A phobia is defined as "an uncontrollable, irrational, and persistent fear of a specific object, situation, or activity." Considering our very problem is due to a recurring thought which can't be settled or moved on from, talking about it and further dwelling on it may seem unproductive, and possibly even detrimental.

On the other hand, we have this phobia for a reason. And as long as we stay uncured, there is obviously something holding us back from being treated. I am guilty of the whole "I ate some undercooked chicken last night, will I get ill" reassurance seeking. But I think we have to look at the reasoning behind this. When I worry about food, I am worrying about getting ill as a result. If I wasn't worried about getting ill, then I wouldn't have this phobia and I'd be cured.

While it might seem pretty depressing to think that you're not moving on if you constantly are just trying to avoid the problem. But we all have different ways of coping with this, and sometimes you can learn something from talking to others. If I said about the undercooked chicken for example, I might come on here and ask whether it's possible to get ill. People would be willing to help, and provide informative information, such as: "Well if it wasn't pink and was warm all of the way through, then it should be cooked."

The acquiring of this knowledge would help me in the future possibly, as I might end up in the same situation and think: "Stop a second Susie. The chicken is white, it's warm all the way through and it's been cooked for the amount of time advised". I might not worry so much in th future as a result, therefore I have conquered one aspect of this phobia, right?

It depends on the individual. I myself am a facts person, and the tiniest bit of factual knowledge regarding a subject can help me. Some people may feel that they wish to deal with this phobia in their own way, and that other people will hinder this process. I admire them, but accept that I deal with this in another way.

[Babydoll]

thank you all for your opinions on this thread.... I'm always open to hearing all the sides!!

[thestruggle]

There are going to be pros and cons with any approach. I am not a counselor or a therapist. All I can do is offer my 20 yrs. of experience and what I have learned the hard way. I have been through the rollercoaster ups anddowns. I havebeento just about every level of this illness as one possibly can. Avoidance behaviors are always going to exist with individuals that have emetophobia. And I likely suspect that many "cured" individuals still continue with some type of avoidance behavior that they may not even realize they continue to do. I don't believe thatrecommending avoidance is good for the long term. Relentlessly avoiding the inevitable is going to cost you greatly. I've been there, and I've lost everything simply becauseI'm afraid ofv* and the lengths I would go to avoid it. There are certain things that will only hurry you down the wrong road a little faster.


However, I do believe that depending on the behavior andthe severity of one's illness, avoidance behaviorsmay be the only way one can cope on a daily basis. Some people may beat a level where they candeal with the truthsa little better. But for others, their outlook on their illness or life may be from one minute to the next. It takesalot oftime and effort to overcome any phobia. You have to balance the advice you give with the attitude of theperson that's inneed of help. You don't want to give any advice or share something withsomeone that will make them regress or fallback into habits they've overcome. At the same timesome individuals aren't quite readyto handle thecomplete truth yet. If someone is asking about medications Iwant to answer them correctly but with the tact that is needed to bring them the most comfort. Sometimes just hearing it from another emet makes all the difference.