Okay, here’s the deal

[samara's on tv]

Okay, I met this guy online like 5 or 6 years ago. We would talk on the phone and stuff all the time (We still do) well he REALLY likes me and wanted to take the relationship to the next level. I'm a lesbian, as many of you already know, but he threatened to stop talking to me and being my friend if I said no to him. I still want him to be my friend but I don't really want to take things to the next level, and I don't think I'll EVER be interested in having sex with the guy.


But I told him yeah we could be in a relationship...even though it's sort of long distance. He lives in Mich and I live in Ohio. I admit that when I first saw him I was attracted to him but not enough to want to actually have SEX with him. I've met him twice. Once two years ago and then once last year. The day he came last year I was so nervous that I got N* and almost...that's right ALMOST...threw up.


He scares me sort of, I'm scared to break off the so called "Relationship" because I don't know if he'll freak out and come get me. Or if he'll freak out and hurt my family...or if he'll freak out and kill himself. I'm really stuck on what I'm supposed to do right now. He wants to come visit me again in the next few weeks and I'm pulling excuse of excuse out of my ass right now. Pretty soon he'll figure out what I'm doing and get mad at me...again.


I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to my parents about this because they'll FLIP OUT on me, and I can't talk to my sister about it (She's usually helpful with such things but last time I brought it up she got mad at me and flipped out that I actually MET a person from Online) So I don't really know what to do. If anyone has any advice on what to do please PLEASE tell me.


I happen to know that both times he visited me he brought a knife. A smallbut effective pocket knife. It was very sharp. He says that he always carries it with him, but that makes me nervous too. Last time he came he let me hold onto it so he couldn't "Use it" if he needed to. I'm a little scared but I don't know what to do anymore!


PLEASE HELP!


~Monica

[violet]

Hey, as a fellow lesbian I feel for you,I havent had the same situation but I have lost quite a few people close to me because of my sexuality.


I dont think that this guy sounds very safe at all,I recon to get out of this would be a VERY good idea.


Contacting your local police about the situation, also if it gets that bad a restraining order may be an idea.


I know its hard to loose a friend who you have known for so long,but this is your wellbeing we are talking about this is your safety...


Look at it carefull and closely whats going to put your mind at ease...


I really hope that this gets sorted hun..


need anything in on msn as [email protected]


Take care & keep us updated x


xVx

[samara's on tv]

Thanks for the ideas Violet. I know this guy doesn't sound very safe and he isn't. As far as I know he's Ex-Military and he is really good with a gun. I've almost had a restraining order put on me, and let me tell you the person who tried to get it on me...well it made me want to contact her even MORE. I'm afraid that if I get a restraining order on him he might just go crazy and kill me ANYWAY. I see my therapist on friday, I'm going to talk to her about it. But I still would like advice from anyone who wants to give it...it would help a bunch.


~Monica

[SimplyMe]

Does he know where you live?I feel bad for you, I dated a very unstable guy when I was in my late teens and it was horrible. *shudders* Can you kind of let time slide btw when you talk etc until he is gone or is he a constant caller? I'm hoping he doesn't know where you live because that will make it a bit easier. He doesn't sound very stable so I don't know howmuch reasoning would work but if he corners you about your excuses you could tell him hes great and if you were straight you'd be w/ him but you've really soul searched and nomatter how great the guy it won't work. Ugh what a crap situation.

[samara's on tv]

Yeah unfortunately he knows where I live...and where my family lives. I'm really screwed aren't I?


~Monica

[SimplyMe]

Aww, maybe you could do like violet said adn just talk to someone at your local police. They might be able to help w/ soem advice that we arent' even aware of or think of. You may have to tell your family at some point especially if you feel theri saftey is at risk. Has he ever threatened you or your family? Do you know anything about his past relationships? Maybe that could give you some insight too (assuming he's truthful)?

[tcsarah]

Heck, this sounds like a very sticky situation. I definitely think you should try and cut ties with this guy. He sounds like a destructive force, one that you could very much do without. What sort of a friend blackmails you into going out with them? He is using intimidation to get control over you. I know it may be difficult for you but I would really consider telling your family about this, once they realise how scared you are I'm sure they will be more sympathetic and not as angry with you for getting yourself into this - hey, we all make mistakes! It's definitely something you should not be coping with on your own.


Maybe you could try explaining to this guy on the phone that you were confused about your sexuality when you agreed to have a relationship with him and that there's a lot going on in your life right now so it's best if you didn't see him. If he gets stroppy with that, or makes any threats, however small, tell him if he continues to harass you he'll leave you no alternative but to get the authorities involved eg police. If you want tell him how he unnerves you and it's making you ill with anxiety, so it really has to stop. Can I just ask, is this the same guy that took advantage of you and upset yousometime last year? - I remember you posting about it.


Good luck with everything. Please let us know how things go.


Tracey

[stella9]

As a private investigator, please please please take my advice - CUT OFF THIS RELATIONSHIP. The fact that he "sort of scares" you is enough to put the skids on this right away.


Stella

[samara's on tv]

No he's not the same guy who messed with me last year, that guy I'm still sort of friends with. I know that I probably should tell my family, but I got mixed up with a child molster online when I was 14 and when I told my parents about it they got all mad and said it was MY FAULT and they were mad at me for putting my sisters in danger too. If I tell them this now they'll flip out on me! I'm going to chat with my therapist on friday to see what can be done about this. All you guys have great advice, and I probably should talk to the police. In any case I'm going to end it...even though bad things might happen.


~Monica