absolutely nothing to do with emetophobia

[tabycat]

so...along with emetophobia I have abandonment issues...tonight my boyfirnd a friend and I decided to engage in a threesome together. and I was kind of the third wheel. He had never been with anyone else and I had, so had she. So he now feels fulfilled in that aspect of life...It just really hurt me that he came inside of here and yeah...this can be closed if the topic is too graphic. I duno if you do close it just delete it please, I just need to know what others feel and if anyone else has had a similar experience

[crimgoddess]

I can't say that I have had a similar experience- probably because of this very reason. I love my boyfriend so much, and at this point in the relationship I wouldn't be comfortable opening it up to others for the very reason that I would get frustrated watching him with someone else- or god forbid he enjoyed being with this other person more. When emotions are involved, things just become too complicated and I would rather not leave myself open to this.


I do know people who bring others into their relationship ('swingers' i believe would be the correct term), and find that it adds to what they already have. There are no jealousy issues, and they are quite content with what they have. If it works for you and you are safe about it, then that's great- but it definitely isn't for everyone.


If this is really bothering you, I would talk to your boyfriend about it, and mention all your concerns and how you felt about the situation. If you keep it inside, it will only make you feel worse, and your boyfriend will know that something is up.


Hope you resolve the situation in a way that makes you feel better


*amber*

[tabycat]

yeah, he and I have talked about it, I just wish he could have stayed here tonight, he had to be home at 12, he's still iving at home so he has people checking up on him, I have taken some dramamine and will hopefully get to sleep soon!

[stella9]

Threesomes are a bad deal, as you are finding out. If you are in a comitted relationship, there is no way that you can look at your partner engaged in such an intimate relationship with another person and feel good about it. This is a way of "cheating" without the sneaking aspect of it. You admit to having abandonment issues, but apparently he had problems with you having more experience than him. THAT is why he wanted the threesome.


You wrote that you felt like the "third wheel" and rightly so. However, in a relationship with a boyfriend, you should not feel like the third wheel. You should be the one and only. Talk to your boyfriend and put an end to this activity. Abandonment issues or not, this should not continue. It won't help your already low level of self esteem.


Stella

[tabycat]

thanks for the feedback, it has ended and we have agreed never to do this again. My friend that was involved was really upset about it and really wanted me to feel better. The first thigns she said were, "don't worry I don't want your boyfriend!" and, "Well we know never to do that again. It was a decent experiment and now he feels satisfied with his desire to have a "equal" experience. I duno I think it will al be ok, we have decided it wil never happen again

[tabycat]

oh and one good thing did come out of this, he can no longer lord over my head that I've been with someone else and he hasn't!

[rubysoho120]

Why would you pick a friend. I think that would make it a whole
lot harder for me knowing he had sex, and watching him have
sex with another girl. I agree with the comment about cheating
without sneaking. I could never imagine letting my boyfriend
have sex with another girl and actually finish inside her, no way.
I honestly think that if he really was in love with you, he
wouldn't care that you have slept with someone else and he
hadn't. He should have been glad to have you as his first. I
think threesomes with relationships are bad ideas. Not in a
relationship then go for it, but if there are feelings involved it
just wont work. I hope you feel better about it all. Don't feel
abondoned. We are always here for you.

[tabycat]

yeah, well it's a lot better, he's now kind of freaking out about it. And we used a condom, and I'm kind of glad it was the person it was, seeing as I know her well and I know she doesn't have any diseases or anything. We're all suppose dto go bowling this afternoon too...we'll see how all that goes, she feels really bad too, just because it upset me so much. I really do think things will be ok though

[shiva]

Well hey.. Look on the bright side. We live and we learn. No reason to beat yourself or him up over it now. Just move on.

[tabycat]

yeah that's kind of the attitude I'm trying to have. And I was ok until he told me that we couldn't see eachother today...so I'm kind of beating myself up over that. I duno I just shouldn't stress so much....

[princessmel]

I'm sure everything will be ok. Try not to worry about it. How are things now with you and your boyfriend?

[tabycat]

well they're doing better. we and the "other" girl even went bowling last night, and joked about it kinda. There were a couple of sore moments but it had only been one night since it happened. I've talked to her about it. We even kinda joked about doing it again. And I said if we ever did we would HAVE TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! more attention!

[e-lizabeth]

I had a threesome once when I was in university, with my ex-boyfriend and another guy, and it was totally fun. Actually, come to think of it, they were both my ex-boyfriends but that's another story altogether. But then we decided to bring in another woman and as soon as I saw the primary ex-boyfriend going down on her, I had to get up and leave the bed. I actually couldn't take it. I got lucky that night, though, because he followed me out of the room.


I completely understand what you're going through, and I get why you did it....I'm sorry it didn't work out better. Too bad...coulda been fun.

[PhilB]

Whoa! a threesome thread [img]smileys/smilies_14.gif[/img]
Seriously, as a male, I admit it's been one of my fantasy HOWEVER, I don't think I could deal with the uncertainty of the aftermath. I just couldn't.

It looks like you guys are working it out so it's all good. As somebody already said, live and learn.

[suze]

TabyCat - just read your thread and was left wondering what you actually got out of this threesome - or at least what you thought you'd get out of it when you agreed to it. The way you recount the whole experience is that your boyfriend had sex with another woman, just so he could 'try' it with someone else - you were invited to watch, thuscondoning it and therefore he hasn't been unfaithful. I mean, what did you do while all this was going on?


Most people go into threesomes with the view that you all get something from it - for you I guess it should have beenthe opportunity for you to get it on with another woman, not just towatch your b/f.


Threesomes can be fun, but in order for this to happen you need to be confident that you can separate the physical from the emotional. Men can do this quite easily. women less easily so...if you're emotionally attached to someone and sex is part of the attachment for you..then seeing your partner with someone else is difficult.


To be honest, I would worry about a man who feels the need tokeep score of how many women he's slept with, even it is only two!I think you should learn from thisand move on...it might be interesting to suggest a threesome with your b/f and another man...he might not be as keen to partake!Edited by: suze

[tabycat]

well no, the original idea was that we would all get to experience stuff, and actually he's be totally cool with a threesome with another man. And if I decided I wanted to do this again we've both agreed that we could, but we would just have to set A LOT more ground rules first. The big thing is, it was the first itme for all of us, none of us knew what we were doing. And things are getting to be ok, he's upset with me right now for god knows what reason, I think it's more he got mad and I frustrated him when he was already upset, he apologized but had to leave afterward because he said he needed tiem to cool down. Other than that thigns are good right now.

[princessmel]

My husband and I have talked about having a threesome with another girl, but the thing is is that I would be doing "you know what" with the girl while he watched. He would be able to do whatever he wanted to me, but not to the other girl. I don't think I could stand seeing him with someone else. I think he probably would enjoy seeing me with another woman, but then again I could totally see him saying later on that that's not fair. Meaning I got to mess around with someone else and he didn't, so I really don't think it would work out. I think it would be fun to try.

[ontariogirl]

I don't think I could. To me when you love someone so much why be with another person. I know these are fantasies that people have and gone for it, not me. I think it is insecurities for me. I would be thinking does he like her, is she better than me etc.? For me I can't do oral sex because I think the smell or the "you know" will make me gag.
But hey whatever turns you on right?
Here is a dumb question, when watching a movie and 2 girls are going at it, is it normal to be turned on? [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] I am not gay at all, but why does it turn females on? We all know why it turns guys on.

[tabycat]

I have no idea, I'm not gay at all either but I do think some girls are hot, I duno. like I said we've kind of thought about doing it again in the far future, it was just none of us knew what we were doing, and she and I both established much more attention would have to be paid to me, if it ever were to happen. The other reaosn it should be a while until it happens is that we know it doesn't need to become routine, my boyfriend has even expressed that, and he and I are really bad about making things routine!

[trixie]

Be Careful!


Last year i got a bit of a crush on my husbands mate, it got so bad, i told my husband and he said i could have sex with him, but he would have to be present. The rules were that they could both do things to me, but i was NOT allowed to show any signs of enjoyment with his mate and only my hubby could make me come and he was the ONLY one who could come inside me!


I confronted the friend and he was happy to have sex with me, but not in the presence of my husband. The friend gave me some time to think it over and decide if it was what i really wanted. I thought about it and although i really wanted this guy, i thought of the emotional damage it would do to all 3 of us.


I left it and now after a year, the crush has well and truly gone and we are still all good friends. I am pleased that i said no in the end. I just know that the crush would have led to love (lust) and it would have destroyed my marriage.


When i was younger i got involved in a threesome with 2 guys and i ended up going home because they were more interested in each other! LOL.[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

[princessmel]

Ontariogirl: Watching movies with two girls turns me on too, and I also think that women are attractive. I mean, think about it. Women's bodies are beautiful compared to men, in my opinion. Women are also so very competitive with one another and always comparing hair, boobs, butt, legs and what not. Guys don't do that unless they are gay of course. My husband thinks that all women are bisexual or bicurious to some extent. So, now, of course, my husband calls me bisexual. Whatever floats his boat.lol I think I could let a woman do "you know what" to me, but I don't think I could do it someone.

[samara's on tv]

I am a lesbian and watching two girls DOES turn me on LoL. But I think when it comes to straight women watching two girls...well I honestly don't know. LoL. I've never had a threesome, never wanted to BE in a threesome, probably never WILL be in a threesome. But it seems to me like you guys have worked things out. I hope that if you DO try it again in the future then be more careful of other people's feelings and what not. Or call me, I won't be interested in your man so you wouldn't have to worry about that. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


~Monica

[ontariogirl]

Thanks Princessmel. I was just wondering, I love your answer, it makes so much sense.
samara's on tv is right to. Being careful of other people's feeling, that is what I am afraid of being hurt. I have to much love and care and I find I hurt more easily.

[PhilB]

Why do I keep coming back to read this thread [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_38.gif[/img]

[ontariogirl]

Could it be because you are a male?[img]smileys/smilies_24.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[PhilB]

Busted [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[princessmel]

I must admit this is an interesting post.[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] Definitely gets your mind off of other things.lol I did mess around with a girl before. Actually, she's my bestfriend and still is today. It was so awkward b/c we are so close; we just laughed about it. So, I think I am bisexual.

[chicajojobe]

I don't have any advice to give about the threesome stuff, but I can give some opinions on
the being turned on while watching a movie with two girls. It's totally
normal and it doesn't mean that you have any....Sapphic tendancies. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]



I read on an online forum a story from a lesbian who said that she's
turned on by gay porn (ie: two men), but that didn't make much sense to
her since she wasn't interesnted in men.



Sexual desire is a complex thing so usually it's better to not
overanalyze it and just enjoy with whatever gets you going. After all
as long as it isn't something that would drive you to hurt yourself or
others then what's the harm?


Edited by: chicajojobe

[ontariogirl]

I find it to be a very interesting post. I thank tabycat for starting this.
And yes Phil you are busted

[suze]

Very interesting thread...I think it's perfectly normal to be turned on by watching two women, and doesn't mean you're gay in anyway. I also think there is a degree of biexuality in many, but not all women.


As some of you will know, I'm in a relationship with a woman...it didn't happen as a result of a threesome but my husband encourgaed it as he thought it would revive my flagging sex drive!!! lol - typical! Anyway, it did, but not for him...so remember that sometimes fulfilling our fantasies can have dramatic consequences!


So, do I see myself as gay? No, I don't think so - I have had good relationships with men, found them attractive, sexy etc. Bisexual - well I guess I must be these days! I had counselling over all this as it confused me so much and was told that I should avoid labels and just accept that I am capable of having a physical and emotional relationship with both sexes.


And....IMHO, if anyone is interested...relationships are tougher with women in that we are more emotional, more demanding etc. but you also feel more supported emotionally too, more understood. And the sex...i've had great sex with men, but women are way way superior!!!