Been seeing a counciller...

[fifitrixibell]

And i'm not sure if it's helping or not....I mean, it's always nice to talk, but
i still feel terrified of throwing up!

The session is 8 weeks (i've got 2 left,) and i'm starting to feel a little bit
helpless. Some weeks i have good weeks where i don't seem to feel sick
that much, but others times are terrible and i'm a mess.

I find it really difficult to explain to her WHY i am scared of being sick
exactly. She seems to think i have anxiety, and especially seperation
anxiety, which i think is true...but it still doesn't stop me reacting badly to
feeling sick.

For instance, last few weeks i have had little to report but just today i felt
sick, wanted to run out of the classroom, wanted to shout at my
housemates for being noisy, and came back to stay with my parents. I
think my way of coping with feeling sick is to be with people i feel safe
with and this is where seperation anxiety comes into play...because when
i'm not with them my head fills with all these thoughts relating to
possible sickness, and scenarios and i feel vulnerable and panic...

I'm babbling here i know, but in short - She asked me to write down the
things that went through my head when i panicked due to feeling sick.
And i honestly couldn't do it. No thoughts seem to go through my head
other than, i feel uncomfortable and i want to get out of here!

I felt stupid because even though the possibility of feeling sick controls
my life - i.e i wont go on holiday with friends, wont drink/smoke or go to
stay with friends etc, i cant put my finger on WHY, and this is what gets to
me. When im having a normal day, i think..so what if im sick? But as soon
as the feeling comes along, all rationality goes out the window! I mean,
im 20, and the last time i felt terrible ill, i made my mother sit on the end
of my bed! And that was only 6 months ago!

To conclude this badly written post, i just wanted to ask other sufferer's if
they could tell me what kind of feelings they experience when they feel
sick. I mean, not just feeling horrible and wanting to leave a public place,
but WHY you want to leave that place?? Why do we react the way we do??

I feel pathetic that i still suffer from this, and i guess i just want to
understand
Thanks for your help guys

Fiona x

[hayleyw]

dont feel pathetic its nothing thatone can get rid of, and good for you for trying!!





you asked some really good questions, and they made me think. I cannot think of one thought that goes through my mind except :"omg. im gonna die" lol thats about it.


sorry I cant be of more help, but good luck! You'll get through it!


-hayley

[japa]

fifi -


Well, I am wondering if your counselor is asking you why or if you are just asking yourself why.


From what you have written, it sounds as though the counselor wants you to write down any of the thoughts that you have while you are panicking. That sounds different from asking you the question "WHY?"

[fifitrixibell]

fifi -


Well, I am wondering if your counselor is asking you why or if you are just asking yourself why.


From what you have written, it sounds as though the counselor wants you to write down any of the thoughts that you have while you are panicking. That sounds different from asking you the question "WHY?"

Sorry, maybe i didn't explain myself properly...


You're right, she asked me to describe how i feel and what goes through my head when i feel sick, and all i could think of was 'i don't like being here.' My body seems to have that reaction in a matter of seconds, and i find it difficult to work out why i don't like it exactly

[japa]

I agree that it is really nice to know the reasons why. I try to figure these things out too.


From what I remember though, I believe that sage usually says that you don't have to know why in order to be cured.


I think that you just would work with the thought about needing to get out of there and counter that thought with more rational ideas like you are safe, and you can stay, and the anxiety will pass in a little while.


For me, I think that I just don't want to feel vulnerable

[purpleteacher]

I, too, feel the urgent need to *escape myself* when I feel sick. It is almost surreal with me... but I cannot physically leave myself - so mentally I have to sometimes just to get through the moment.

[aglinka]

Hey, I just want to say.. I'm also in school, and also have exteremly similar problems (feel bad without my parents). Your not alone.

[sage]

Fiona,


My heart went out to you when I read your post cuz it sounded so much like me with all my therapists (before I found the one who actually helped me). I think this may be her way of trying to understand you, which is a good thing. But the truth is that the reaction of total panic is so FAST that there IS no thought between the stimulus and the fear response. Cognitive therapists tend to argue this theoretically, but they've never had a serious phobia! The ones who have, would totally get it.


I think the 8 weeks thing is probably really getting to you too. It was well over 25 weeks before I could even start to see some stuff clearly when I went through the treatment that worked. 8 weeks is just the beginning of getting to know someone. Such a shame that emetophobes are placed in these short-term "quick fix" programs. It may not help much. BUT DON'T GIVE UP!!! One day you'll figure out how to get a longer treatment program and then you'll see real progress.


In answer to the question, I think I finally figured out that the "thought" (which was not a thought) was "I am dying" or "I will die", and it was SO INSTANTANEOUS! My therapist said "it made the connection in the time it takes to cross a synapse" (which is like 1000th of a second). So there's no time to "insert" another cognition. This came eventually, when we were able to slow the process down through a number of means, including gradual exposure and EMDR.


Even though it makes no logical sense that you feel an anxiety akin to death anxiety, (and your therapist may say this) then I say "tell it to my amygdala". That's the quick-response part of your brain that kicks in WAY BEFORE the neo-cortex, or logical/rational part. The problem is that your amygdala tells you you're dying LONG BEFORE (in brain timing) your neo-cortex is even able to engage.


Separation anxiety is ALSO the subconscious "thought" that equals "I am dying", as a small infant will die if left alone out in the forest without her mother. So what your therapist says does indeed make sense. I'm just not sure it will help you very much in an 8-week time.


Perhaps show this post to your therapist and see if she has any ideas as to how to help you in the upcoming weeks. Take her seriously when she tells you that it is no longer logical or helpful to think that you are somehow "safer" when your family members are around. You're grown up enough to live alone with no danger. (and I know it doesn't feel that way, but nevertheless it is the truth). The more you can "tell" yourself things like "I am safe" "I am in no danger" or my favorite one, "I'm afraid, but I'm ok"...the more you will see a gradual shift to a more calm way of living. It will take time. Hang in there.

[tabycat]

I don't feel the need to escape myself, but I definitely don't like being alone. I guess I do have a little bit of the phobia of myself being sick in that way. I hate being alone, and then other people are there an dI don't understand why they can handle it. Especially my boyfriend. I know he doesn't have the phobia, but because of my issues it's hard for me to comprehend why he was to be with me when I'm sick because when he's sick I want to be on the other side of the planet...well yeah. I understand the feeling but not quite. I think that maybe you need more than 8 weeks, some people just don't get over things as quickly as others. One of my therapists was afraid to even touch the subject because of how I reacted when he tried. So at least you have someone who is willing to deal with it. I'm sorry if this sounds liek a rant but it seems as though you are slowly getting there, it just may take more time then other people no one can pinpoint an amount of weeks and say this is how long everyone will take to get over this specific problem.