Can’t stop obsessing no matter what!!

[lilyann]

I can't stop worrying about the next time my husband catches a bug from our son and vomits!! Two months ago my son got a bug and then my husband got it two days later. I was able to handle my son throwing up better than my husband for some reason. I could hear my son--he did it 5 different times--but was not at home the 1st time my husband did and was asleep the 2nd time he did. My husband vomited on two other occasions (three total) in the 5 years I have known him and I have not seen or heard any of them. But I am very anxious knowing that it is inevitable that someday I will have to see or hear it. I don't know what to expect and am thinking the worst. When I was 12 years old my mom vomited on many occasions in the middle of the night very loudly retching and woke me up each time. I am afraid he will be like that. The experience with my mom really set my emet into motion. I hope he is not loud and does not draw it out. I'm really scared just thinking about it and it might not happen for years to come. But I am still scared and anxiously anticipating the next time......I wish I could stop thinking about it. I get upset with my husband when I think about it and it is not even his fault and it was 2 months ago. The not knowing what to expect is just driving me insane!!!! I don't know how to turn the thoughts off!! I got morning sickness twice myself in the past month so I am not as scared of doing it myself after finding it was not a big deal and have some idea of what to expect. Before that my fear was about myself and everyone else vomiting--now it has shifted and turned into an invading obsession about my husband. I keep telling myself to stop when I worry about it but I can't stop......

[suze]

Congrats on reducing your own fear of v*. I too used to be the same with my husband, and I just used to stick my fingers in my ears and hum to myself! He's a grown man, and not an emet, so he'll be more than happy to v* alone. You'll never need to see it, and can easily block out the noise. Don't let this be a step backwards for you...you've dealt with one massive fear and you can deal with this one too.

[lilyann]

Hi Suze! I might be able to not hear the whole thing if I plug my ears in time, but just knowing he had done it was enough to send me over the edge in the past. I wasn't even around to see or hear anything. I just know it will all be magnified if I do. The last time I made him sleep on the couch, so he never woke me up when he got up. He felt very rejected so I told him I wouldn't do that again. We bought a house a few months ago and have been sharing the bedroom that is finished with our son. Now our room is almost ready to move into and guess what? It is right next to the one bathroom. And.....my husband had an access door installed right from the bedroom to the bathroom so we won't have to go around through the pantry to get to the bathroom. That has always been my biggest fear--having the bedroom right next to the bathroom. That's the way it was when I was a child and had the experience with my mom. I know there will eventually be a situation. It makes me sometimes wish I lived alone!!

[dord]

Lilyann,


Your post could have been writte byme! I was already married by the time I heard my husband vomit and trust me...I thought to myself "how can I live with that for the rest of my life". It was like nothing I'd ever heard before and wouldn't you know he's one of those people who throw up multiple times. I am so happy to report that he rarely does vomit and I'm thankful for that but I still worry about the next time it's going to happen.I don't sleep in the bed with him when he's sick - I'll go to another room so he can have our bed. Let me just say that he's so loud I could stand OUTSIDE my house and hear him, really I can't even describe it! I've even asked him if he could please try and be quiter which he says he can't help it. I hope your husband won't be loud but if he is you'll survive it. Let him have the room, there's no shame in not wanting to hear or be near it. We have a phobia, it's just that simple. Don't feel badly for the way you feel and try and explain it to him.

[purpleteacher]

Your post sounds like it is filled with so much love and concern. It sounds like your fear is out of love - the deep love and concern you have for your husband. You don't want him to be sick and be hurting. It sounds like you heard your mom hurting when she got sick and you don't want that to be experienced by anyone else you know or love that dearly.


Why don't you ask your husband about how he feels when he gets sick? Ask him what he needs from people around him? Ask him what others have done for him the past while he was sick --- maybe he really needs to be left alone or is afraid to have you around while he is sick. He more than likely knows you are uncomfortable with V* and maybe he is just responding to your needs and not "letting you be involved" while he is ill (at least when at all possible).


I know this might sound sick, but ask your dh if is is a "loud V*" or is the "silent type" [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] My best-friend from college and I had this exact discussion because I was petrifed she would wake me up if she got sick or something. She said she was the quiet type and didn't get sick often, which put me at ease.

[aar13]

Hi Heather!


I know exactly how you feel hon because in the time I've been with my hubby he has vomited on 2 occasions - the first was when he caught an sv* from my daughter because he took care of her for me. (which was very early in our relationship since he wouldn't do it for me now) And the 2nd time was due to alcohol. The other night he felt sick and I was freaking out because I didn't want him to v*. So I know exactly how you feel. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better! I am so excited for you that you've been able to vomit on your own without too much fear - that's a big step and I wish I could do it myself!


Although it's not where my emet comes from, I'm sure my brother has a lot to do with it. He used to retch and make horrible noises while vomiting and I used to run away and hold my ears. Sometimes even though I was holding my ears I could still hear it and it was awful!


I know it's easier said than done, but try to relax! Hopefull your family (and mine too) will make it through the rest of the winter without anymore v*ing!!! Wouldn't that be nice?


Alissa

[irishbryan1981]

There is a good book that may help your situation. "Brain Lock" is the title and the author's last name is schwartz (sp?). Either way it is a book on how to get over Obsessive thoughts and it is really good. You can probably find it on amazon if you want to save a few buck as it is a fairly cheap book. Let us know if you try it and it works well. Good Luck!

[lilyann]

Thanks for the support everyone. I feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one who has obsessed and worried about this.


Purple--I did ask him last month if he was noisy or quiet and he reminded me that he is loud about everything else (burping, farting, sneezing, etc) so he is sure he is not too quiet about vomiting either even though he says he never paid enough attention while he was doing it to answer definitely. I think that is what has really got me scared because I know how loud he can be about the other body functions so now I'm assuming the worst.


The good news is that I started therapy and hopefully can try to work though some of this there. It is too early to know yet as I have only had an initial interview and my 2nd appointment was to fill out a symptom questionnaire. We get down to business next week. Wish me luck!!