I got an sv...it’s okay!

[redapple]

i wanted to let you all know that i'm recovering from the first sv that
i've had in 11 years. it's almost unreal and i'm very proud of
myself. but the first thing i thought of after it happened was
how i needed to get on here when i was up to it and tell you all that
it's not nearly as bad as you remember it. not at all. so
much so that i plan on writing myself a letter with all the details so
that some time from now, if my nerves start to blow the idea out of
proportion, which they probably will, i can prove them
wrong.



and i want you all to not let your fears tell yourself that "it wasn't
so bad for her because her fear isn't as bad as mine." that's not
true. a few days ago i might've said i would rather die than
v*. i have panic attacks every other day (at least). this
time of year i get really scared and sad that i have to live my life
like this. so, the truth is, you can believe me-- it's not nearly
as bad as you "remember" it to be.

<br style="font-weight: bold;">
i've had a thousand panic attacks that were way worse than getting an sv.</span>



now some of you may remember my twin, user bethany, who is an emet
too. she has not caught the virus from me but she's very scared,
and it's been hard for her to leave home or try to sleep or do anything
without having a panic attack. please send her your prayers/good
thoughts because i'm extremely worried about her and would do anythign
to take her fears away from her.



i know there's been threads before where people say "I forget--what's
it really like?" rather than being graphic on the board i just
wanted to offer to pm with anyone who has any questions.



stay strong everyone. i'm thinking of you all [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[tayda]

SO do you think your fear has improved since your sv*? You seem to have an awesome attitude about things! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Sry you got an sv*, but if that has helped you, then maybe it was for the better. I hope your sister's doing better.

[samara's on tv]

Yeah I know it's probably not as bad as I remember it. I mean the last SV I had it wasn't SO terrible...I mean I wasn't ENJOYING it or anything but it wasn't that bad. I'm glad that this helped you out even though it had to make you V* to do so. Even hearing about this, I don't want to get a SV and I don't want to V* no matter HOW BAD it is or isn't.


~Monica

[silver]

Thank you for sharing with us that it isn't actually as bad as we have built it up in our heads to be. I am definately still afraid to v*. The last time I had a sv* was 12 years ago and I remember at the time that it wasn't pleasant, but I made it through and it sure didn't kill me. Thank you for your strength and reminding all of us that we WILL be able to make it through and that it really isn't as bad as we think. Thanks for putting things in perspective for me.

[tcsarah]

You know redapple, your post got me thinking. When I was a kid I used to be so terrified of v*ing I use to shakeso badly whenever I felt nauseous - the terror I felt was unbelievable. Now, although I'm still terrified of v*ing in public, if I think I'm going to be s**k and I'm at home I can cope with it pretty much ok. I think this is down to the time I had an sv (gastric flu) and was v*ing twelve hours solid the first night - I felt so ill and weak, but afterwards I didn't fear v*ing as much! Kind of forced exposure therapy!


I can definitely say the anticipation of the event is way worse than the actual event. The states we get ourselves into worrying about v*ing -the anxiety, the panic, the obsessing... actually v*ing, well it's not pleasant, but it's over before you know it and is not nearly as bad as we play it out in our minds to be.


Having said this, however, I absolutely can not stand the thought of doing the dreaded deed in front of anybody, particulary strangers, so I think I have some way to go yet [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img], but it's a definite improvementon how I used to be!

[redapple]

[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]yes, i totally understand your
point. i knew that i didn't fear the act itself as much as i
feared the panic i knew i would experience with it. but that
panic went away as soon as i realized "Wow, I'm really sick" and I
could stop thinking "Oh, God, what IF??" once i realized that i
was nauseated instead of just experiencing my normal panic feelings, i
had this wave of sort of anger and empowerment come over me out of
nowhere. suddenly the thought just hit me "yes, it's for real
this time, and dammit, you can do it!" and i did. And i'm
not saying it was great and that i was nonchalant about it, but i
wasn't in a state of total panic. i had one of my girlfriends
with me and i still had to squeeze her hand really tight, but i had my
wits about me. i just wanted to share with you all my surprise
after 11 years of building it up to a moment i'd rather die than
experience.

[ontariogirl]

That is great redapple, I thought I would never hear myself cheering on someone for puking. I have bronchitis and it got to the point of my head in the bathroom sink gagging and having dry heaves from the phelm. My jaws hurt like hell and I cried nothing- came up. I am wondering if it would have been a lot easier if something did come up?
Well I guess the word congratulations comes to my mind

[angel13]

That's amazing, redapple -it's funny how when we really do get something, we don't panic! Well, in alot of cases, anyway! It was like that for me the last time I got something - I wasjust thinking to myself"Dammit, I can't go out with my friends tomorrow, ain't this my luck..", and I even had a bit of a laugh about it. It was only after I'd recovered that the fear came creeping back, and I made it into something it wasn't.


Thankyou so much for sharing, very inspirational stuff! ^_^

[kellybean]

OMG, you have such a great attitude about this. Good for you!!! Are you back to being scared about v* again, or do you think you are not as scared?

[shiva]

I'm completely amazed! Way to go! Very inspiring this time of year!!!

[donna1216]

THat is very inspiring!! You know, my daughter threw up in her bed last night and didn't even wake up--why can't the rest of us be as unfazed by it as her??

[purpleteacher]

That is great redapple, I thought I would never hear myself cheering on someone for puking. I have bronchitis and it got to the point of my head in the bathroom sink gagging and having dry heaves from the phelm. My jaws hurt like hell and I cried nothing- came up. I am wondering if it would have been a lot easier if something did come up?
Well I guess the word congratulations comes to my mind

I had that EXACT same type of bronchitus not very long ago. It was horrible. I just sat by the backdoor and refused to cough because I knew I would V*. It was miserable... eventually the N* passed and I went to sleep. I did this everynight for like 4 nights in a row.

[redapple]

Thanks for the replies guys[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

i know it does seem funny to say congratulations to someone for
throwing up, but my friends who know i have the phobia have been saying
that to me too, and i have had a laugh about it.



Um, as far as how it's affected the phobia...I'm really not sure
yet. It's been nice to walk around my campus and go to public
places and not obsess over every door handle i touch for the last
couple of days...cause i figure my antibodies are still up to a point
where i couldn't catch it again. And i have a sort of invincible
feeling because now I know what it's like. What was so scary
before was that i was a little kid the last time it happened, so I
hardly remembered, and i imagined all these horrible things about
it.



Right now, i think the only thing I'll become really scared about in
the near future is it happening to me in a public place. I'm one
of us who's really bad with that. And I will also still worry in
the future that it will happen to me when i'm alone...maybe it's
because it was the first time in a long time, but it was a godsend that
when i got sick I was with 2 of my really good girlfriends who both
know about my phobia and literally held my hand and cooed to me like
they were my mom. So I think I'll still be afraid of these
things, but as far as the actual ACT of it, I don't think I'll be so
bad. In other words, I definitely don't think I'm cured, but I
have more ammo against irrational thoughts during a panic attack.




Also, I wanted to mention that my friends who took care of me never
came down with it. and they were RIGHT THERE in all the
yuckiness. So for those of us who will freak out if we're in the
same building as someone who's been ill recently...it's definitely not
that easy to catch it. i thought i'd mention that, since i know
that fact has been consoling to my sister, too.

[2jo2]

Thank you so much for posting, because you've really made me feel strong! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[redapple]

you're very welcome!! it makes me so happy to be even the tiniest source of comfort to you guys.



[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[aar13]

That is so wonderful!!!! That post was very inspiring and also calming to know how you feel about it. I wish I could be that strong!


Great for you - you should be proud!!!