Ever feel like...

[crystalmom]

you're life is not going the way is it supposed to? I'm not talking about emet here. Just life.


I feel like a lost soul wandering the earth. Totally incapable of being productive. I have been alone the last few days (my son is with his dad, and b/f is working up north) and I have done NOTHING! I have school I should be doing. Cleaning I should be doing. Making curtains for Isaac's bedroom. Hundreds of dollars of scrapbooking things. But, I have been sitting on my ass, watching tv, or feeling sorry for myself.


Why? Is it impossible for me to complete anything? I feel like a failure. I never finished college, due to emet. I quit jobs. I start a project (like the curtains) and let it get dusty. I am about 6 months behinde in nursing. I am getting divorced at 28! What is with me???


Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated!


Crystal [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[mjewell]

Yes, I can relate. Ever since I graduated college with huge ambition and positive hopes for my successful future, I have been disappointed in myself and the world over and over. I have had three jobs in the last five years and with each job I am getting more and more miserable and hopeless.


To most people the simple answer would be get a new job doing what you like...well that's the problem...I have been trying to figure out what I would like to do or what I would be good at for years now and the answer is always the same - NOTHING!! It does make you lose your confidence when you feel like you aren't serving a purpose in the world.


I also have trouble getting enough motivation to be productive. I have tons of projects that have been on my to do list for about 2 years and I just can't seem to care enough to get anything done. I guess it could be depression, but who knows.


Anyway, you are not the only one who feels like this!

[crystalmom]

Thanks...it's nice to know that I am not the only person who feels like there are kinda 'lost'. It's scary really.


Every night I think of all the things I'm gonna do the next day, and they don't get done. I am too much of a procrastinator? I dunno what my problem is!


Thanks for the reply!


Crystal

[suze]

Crystal, I am SO like this. I too am separated from my husband and when the kids are with him, or even when they go back to school after the holidays, I'm at a loose end for days. I take them to school, and have big plans for the day. However, before long I'm having another coffee, sitting watching some dull, yet strangely alluring programme on tv, readin the post on this site(!)...and the day is passing. I'm not lazy by nature, but if my normal routine gets a kick i.e. kids with their dad, students doing exams (I'm a lecturer so some weeks of the year e.g. now, I'm left to my own devices, workwise), I just go into 'slump mode'!


There's nothing wrong with you, you probably just need some routine in your life...alter that routine and your day loses structure. My advice is to set yourself very small, achievable targets for the day. Try to do too much and you'll be left feeling flat. Saying that, I've been looking at a box of 50 assignments waiting to be marked....can i muster the enthusiasm? Definitely not...at the moment I'd rather have a toe off!

[SimplyMe]

Everyday! I feel like this just about everyday! I'm going to be 28 this year and will just now be getting my AA degree then going to the university. Most people at school are 10 yrs younger than me, in fact one girl is only 17, dually enrolled and will graduate from highsschool and w/ an AA THIS YEAR! lol I've never been married, have no kids and over Christmas break I did NOTHING! Tons of organizatin plans but none went thru, I didn't even get my school stuff til the w/e before it started again. So yeah I can relate lol. Sorry to ramble, just wanted to add that you are not alone in this in fact I'd bet most people feel this way (at least sometimes) because everyone has at least one thing/area in their life that they feel isn't working right. Hang in there, it's all any of us can do!

[samara's on tv]

I know how you feel too. I'm currently enrolled in classes but I have almost NO motivation to go. I have to get up at 6:00am and then wait for a train in the cold and if that wasn't bad enough after I take the train I have to wait in the cold for ANOTHER BUS. The classes are only 8 weeks long and I've already completed four weeks but I mean I have no motivation to do them.


My apartment is a mess, I sleep almost ALL the time, I have no money, and I barely get out of the apartment. I don't really want to go to classes cause they were sort of forced upon me. When I first started going I had a little more motivation to go because these classes are going to help me get a job and I was going to use the money generated from the job to move to Mich. To be with someone who I THOUGHT was my soul mate. But she left me and now I really have no reason to be in classes.


*Sigh*


I need help. I really do. My therapist says that I should try to focus on things that I want to do not what my PARENTS want me to do but I don't know what that is. I went to college a few years ago but I flunked out because of my Emet (That and the fact that my dad was/is Vice President of the school I went to...imagine that...it's NOT fun) I want to go back to school but my parents tell me I'm dreaming...that I'll never be able to go back to school because I'm a failure.


Okay I'm rambling...I'll stop now.


~Monica

[silver]

I understand too.... I graduated from college almost3 years ago and I struggle for my purpose and place in life everyday. I have a difficult time just enjoying life as it comes because I am a constant worrier. I think that a big part of it is being in our 20's. Its such a difficult time. Sometimes I am convinced that I will never like my job either. When I graduated from college I was so ambitious and so confident that I spend a lot of time now wondering what the hell happened??? Now I see myself as a lazy, anxious person. I know that other people don't see my that way, but its how I feel inside.


I really believe from most of the posts that I have read here that we all have something else in common besides the emet: WE ARE ALL REALLY HARD ON OURSELVES!! we also think WAY too deep into everything. Its time to cut ourselves some damn slack here!! (P.S. When someone figures out how to do that, let me know too!!!!!!!!!)

[donna1216]

Crystal, you could be me! Especially the cleaning part--it's nice to hear about another emet whose house isn't clean!!! You're not alone!

[falon_17]

I'm right there with you, feeling lost. When I started college I went to an awesome private university, very prestigious, then got pregnant after one semester. Had to come back home to a community college. Now I'm a 21 year old single mom on welfare getting ready to start a program I don't even like all that much. I would love to work in a forensics lab somewhere, and I love biology and chemistry, but I'm settling on being a physical therapist's assistant. I like it enough to do it for a while, but its not something I'm passionate about. I know I'll be depressed when I start work, but I have no choice. All the colleges that offer anything I'm interested in are at least 2 hours away, I can't afford it, and my emet keeps me from moving away from my mom. I keep wondering, am I screwing up my life even more? I've been in college for 4 years and by the time I'm done with the physical therapy program, it will have been 6 years! 6 years of college and all I'll have are 2 associates degree. I'm very far off the path I thought I'd be on 4 years ago.

[65roses]

My situation is quite different from you guys', but I think I can relate.


I saw a therapist today and she called me apathetic. I don't mean to be. I don't want to put emotions on situations that don't deserve emotion.


There is a George Straight song called "Go On" that was out about 5 or 6 years ago on the radio, there is a quote from it I still remember "don't wait to live life, 'cause it won't wait for you" and I really try to live by that, but most of the time I can't.


I feel like nobody wants to be around me because I'm negative. I just went through a bunch of posts in my blog the other day and I am thinking of deleting the entire thing because its so negative. My life has become waiting, nothing more and nothing less.

[tayda]

Wow! I had no idea that there were so many people who felt that way. I was gonna post a "bummer post" earlier.. but decided against it...


But hun, I know EXACTLY what you mean...(I'm not gettin divorced.. but I am almost out of school and just so scared.. w/ no idea how to break into the field I want)...


I've been walking a lot outside lately w/ the dogs while anthony is at school.. trying to sort things... it slows my mind a little bit... but no cure all...


hang in there

[tcsarah]

I understand what you are going through Crystal. I've suffered really bad bouts of depression in the past and could never get motivated or find the energy to do the things that needed doing. Have you been diagnosed with depression at all? The way you speak eg that you feel like a failure and a lost soul, makes me think you are suffering with a bout of depression. If you think this is the case, I would recommend going to see your doctor.


You also have to rememember you have a lot on your plate at the moment - going through a divorce is always listed in the top five of most stressful things in life, that coupled with your daily anxiety and panics due to emetophobia will be takingthings out of you and making you feel deflated. You also have more time on your hands as you are on your own right now to sit andworry about things.


What I've found works is making a list of things to do, then slowly work through the list. It's amazing how good it feels to be able to put a big tick at the side of each thing on the list when you've carried it out/finished it. Also give yourself little rewards after doing these things, buy yourself something, treat yourself to a relaxing bubble bath by candlelight or have a yummy slab of cake - whatever you find a treat. If I can't get motivated I say to myself, right I'll do what needs doing, then afterwards in the eveningsit down and open a nice bottle of red wine and chill out in front of the tv with a good film.


Take care.


Tracey

[mjewell]

I understand too.... I graduated from college almost3 years ago and I struggle for my purpose and place in life everyday. I have a difficult time just enjoying life as it comes because I am a constant worrier. I think that a big part of it is being in our 20's. Its such a difficult time. Sometimes I am convinced that I will never like my job either. When I graduated from college I was so ambitious and so confident that I spend a lot of time now wondering what the hell happened??? Now I see myself as a lazy, anxious person. I know that other people don't see my that way, but its how I feel inside.


I really believe from most of the posts that I have read here that we all have something else in common besides the emet: WE ARE ALL REALLY HARD ON OURSELVES!! we also think WAY too deep into everything. Its time to cut ourselves some damn slack here!! (P.S. When someone figures out how to do that, let me know too!!!!!!!!!)

You are so right about the 20's - I think everyone who posted here is in their 20s. I am convinced it is a quarter life crisis!! I would really like to write a book about it!


I also feel the exact same way as you about feeling lazy and anxious...it makes me really self conscious of what others think of me too, because I KNOW that is not the real me...the real me is confident, talented, ambitious...I just don't know what happened to her!

[silver]

As a little peice of comfort....most people that I know are dealing with a lot of these issues. Pretty much everyone that I know that is in their 20's, fresh out of college in the work world is frickin lost!! I think that there is so much thrown at us these days as oppossed to generations 50 years ago. It is a confusing stinking ratrace. I enjoy aspects of my job, but I still don't enjoy having to sit here all day to make my salary even when I have nothing to do...I get very bored easily (I think that it might be depression talking.) but its like you said, you just know that you have to go out there and do it. I think...what kind of life is that?? We know that we have to go work a job that we don't like and be miserable??? This is an issue that I struggle with on a daily basis, I wish that I knew how to make it better too, let me know if anyone has any wisdom in this....

[kmarie]

right there with you!!! I fel lost..like my life really has no meaning.



I am 22 years old...I have actually been divorced for a week and a few
days..after being married for two years....so dont feel bad about
getting divorced at 28..i got ya beat!



I am working a job that i was at for three years..left for 5 months
(when the marriage fell appart si couldnt handle the stress and needed
mindless work)..now im back and just kinda drifting through it.



I have NO hobbies...well..i guess i cant say that..i read and am
learning how to knit..but at this time i dont feel like doing any of
that.



I didnt go to school..because i had No clue what i wanted to do with my
life..and ehre i am..still with no clue and feeling rather
worthless....what am i meant to do with my life?



Its a sucky feeling..but like the others said i think its an age
thoing..mauybe once we reach 30s life will seem a little easier??

[babygap5]

After reading through all of your posts, here is some friendly advice from someone who just got out of her 20's (i recently turned 30). The problem with people coming out of college, is, your dreams are way to unrealistic. Don't take it as an insult, I was the same way. I graduated from college with all desires to become a lawyer. Until, the brick wall hit, I COULDN'T AFFORD IT!! So, I went back to school (after spending 4 hard years getting my B.S. in Political Science) to get my paralegal certificate. Well, 4 months later, I was finally gainfully employed at a large law firm. I hated it. Everything I had learned in college had NOTHING to do w/ the "real world." I lasted at my first job for 1 year, than got another job w/ another law firm, which lasted 5 months. Then another law firm which lasted 1.5 years. Then another law firm which lasted 5 years. I'm now at a great job, in a completely different field from the law, and making a TON of money!!! Everyone starting out has the same feelings all of you have expressed. It is a hard time, but you have to stick with it. It took me 8 years of hard work, and alot of overtime to land my "dream job." And, I saved myself $100,000 on law school that I was really glad I didn't attend. I managed to work my way up from paralegal, to the head of an entire department of 30, and I couldn't be happier. Trust me, you will ALL find your way in this world. How can you expect to love what you do right away? There are so many different aspects of careers, jobs & schooling, it's impossible to know that you are going to enjoy it until you try it.


Take my advice, enjoy your 20's. Learn from them. Don't be afraid to fail, don't get depressed if you do. It all helps shape who you become...

[mjewell]

Take my advice, enjoy your 20's. Learn from them. Don't be afraid to fail, don't get depressed if you do. It all helps shape who you become...

You are so right. As down as I get, I do keep trying to get involved with as many different things as I can, because you just never know when opportunity will strike. I also have a flawed thought process in which I think everyhting should happen very quickly - I should be successful and making a ton of money with 4 years of experience...don't think so!. I just need to settle down and remember that all good things take time - live your life day to day and stop worrying about what will become of us in the future. I should take my own advice.

[Galadriel]

I hear ya about the whole getting out of college and wondering what the heck to do for a job that you would love.



I've bounced around from job to job, and the one I have now I pretty
much like (though I don't want to be there forever, and its definately
not like a career). I see these people with important jobs who just do
important stuff (yea that was lame) and here I'm at a retail job, and
yeah its pretty good (mostly cause the people are good) but as to a
career type job man I have no clue. I have several ideas, and kind of
tried one out...I thought working at a library would be just great, so
I volunteered for awhile and man its too boring! I guess college and
the "real world" are definately not the same thing. Sometimes I feel
like school/college prepares you for ___? Then you get out and get a
job and its nothing like school, and so yeah.



Anyways yea I don't have the job thing figured out by a long shot, but
I am happily married, which is wonderful compared to how things were a
few years ago (utterly desolate) so that is a good thing.

I figure I'll just keep going on till I find something I like.

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[blondie90]

i know exactly how you feel crystal[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]i'm only 18 so i guess it's kind of normal for me to feel 'lost', but it's a really crappy feeling no matter what age. my emet led me to transfer home from college after one semester, so i'm back home now and i'll start commuting to school on monday. the switch has been really, really hectic, and because the nursing program at binghamton (my old school) is so drastically different from farmingdale's, my credits aren't transferring and i feel like i wasted three months of my life for nothing. i know it's depressing when you have little motivation to do anything. but you're not a failure! everybody feels this way at one point or another. the best thing to do is to just take a deep breath and try to forget all of your negative thoughts, and keep yourself occupied. i just learned how to crochet and it's been keeping me busy so i feel a lot more productive!! you'll be fine. just know that you're the most important person in your son's life and that should be the greatest feeling in the world. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[silver]

BabyGap,


Thank you so much for the advice...You are right on about college kind of filling you with a sense of false hope. You are basically told that after you go to school for 4 years you will have a fantastic job and live happily ever after so to speak. It doesn't prepare you for how it feels to be at work everyday doing the same things from 8-5. When I was in school I worked a part-time job which was fun and went to school and managed to have all kinds of free time. If I didn't feel like going to class, I wouldn't and I never had to "call in" with someone or anything. I guess what I am trying to say is that school is pretty much a "fantasy land" of fun, part-time job, lots of friends, parties, etc. It doesn't get you ready at all for the "real world" so then we feel let down and that there is something wrong with us for not being happy. I am sick of being depressed right now and I want to stop worrying about the future.

[crystalmom]

I never would have guessed that so many people, especially those in their 20's feel this way. I figured it was me, and that most people were enjoying the 20-30 year thing!


The last few days have been better, yet worse. M son came home, so that gives me stuff to do. He's a ball of energy. BUT, my b/f came home from teh rigs, and is cranky and kinda makes me feel like he doesn't need me for anything, aside from a quick romp when he gets home, and his laundry done before he goes back. THAT is depressing.


Anyway, thanks so much for the replies guys, and knowing we are not alone!!


Crystal