SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[wintergreen22]

i have been fighting n* since yseterday. All day at work I felt sooo bad, worse then I EVER felt, and when I went home I realized that this was it, I was going to throwup.


SO I freaked out. because I can''t handle that I idea. I don't want to, so I fought it. I really just wanted to die. I kept thinking, "how can I get out of my body?". There is no way I could run from myself. I was so scared my body was shaking ALL over! SO i called my stepmom who usually helps me out with things like this. And she talked to me and helped me breathe on the phone. At around 10:00pm it passed. The n* was still there, but I was able to fall asleep.


So, this morning, I was supposed to be a work at 7am, but I was sooo scared to get out of bed, for fear that I would have what happpened yesterday happen to me again today. SO I called in sick, about 3 minutes before I was supposed to show up. My manager was really pissed and said that she needed me to show up because today was going to be really busy and she doesn't have anyone to cover my shift. But I said, "Ican't, Jenn, because I don't know whats going on with my body".


Then my stepmom called and is soo frustrated and dissappointed in my because I didn't go to work. I understand why. I needed help so badly last night and she spent all the time helping me, fo rme to just sit and bed and allow my fear to screw up my f***ing miserable life.





Please, I don't need soothing words or words of encouragment. I just need answers. Is it true that we can fight v*? Is that what I did last night? Am i going to be sick? Do you think I'll be fired? WHy do I have to live like this? I'm already weak as it is.


What should I eat to make myself feel better? I ate something yesterday and it only made me feel worse. DO you think this is a stomach virus?

[mjewell]

Hi wintergreen...


I'm sorry you are stressed, it is such an awful feeling to not be able to control the nausea...that makes me panic too.


I strongly believe that most of the time, nausea is about 90% anxiety, even in non-emets. If you can find something that will calm you down you wil probably find that the nausea will go away or at least dissipate to a tolerable level. Even when I am truly sick to my stomach, if I can make the anxiety go away, i can honestly say i don't care about the nausea...the panic feeling isn't there, and it makes all the difference.


You mentioned that talking to your stepmom and doing breahting exercises helped a bit. Have you ever looked into anti-anxiety meds? I know a lot of people think meds are a bad way to goas it is not really solving the problem, but I can honestly say getting meds was the best decision I ever made. I was missing work a lot too until i got Xanax. Benzos like Xanax or Ativan are good because you only take them when you really need them, you don't have to take it daily.


Finally, do not beat yourself up about your job. I seriously doubt you will get fired. There is no sense in dwelling on what has already happened. Just work on the future and how you will handle it if it happens again.

[SimplyMe]

You sound sooo much like me! I've done the exact same thing (missed work/school because I felt off the night before) and the next day feeling like a jerk. You aren't tho OK. I know yous aid you don't want soothing words but really this is a legitimate fear and fear unfortunately makes us do (or not do) things that people w/o the fear would or event hat we want to do.


As for v*ing, if it were to happen I think it would have been last night. Since your step mom was able to help you out and you felt better it was most likely anxiety. You may have felt ill during the day then you get home and can panic so you totally do, I've done this too many times. Like mjewell said the anxiety can make n* worse. I don't know if you are sick or not, there are tons of other things that can make one feel ill but I honestly think if you were going to v* it would have happened. As for work, don't beat yourself up over it. Take today to take it easy and be kind to yourself. Go in tomorrow, apologize and offer to do some extra work to make it up (you know kiss @$$ lol) Also, when you make it thru today w/o v*ing (and you will make it thru) it will serve you later as a reminder that you can feel off and still be OK. Take care!

[wintergreen22]

thankyou thankyou thankyou....


I think I will just do what you guys said.


So far, I've just been sleeping. I ate when I woke up (a banana and a sip of oj - i thought the acid might mess with my stomach) and I think I'll eat something light, like a salad, or a tomato or something.


Today I'll just spend my time taking care of myself. I've been on pins and needles all day cause I feel like n* will resurface if I make any mistakes. I just can't have what happened to me happen again EVER in my lifetime.


BUt I can't help but beat myself up over my job a little. When my mom gets home and finds out I didn't go to work she will be sooo upset and frustrated. I'm a little dissappiointed in myself for allowing it to control me like this. It has NEVER gotten that bad before, but at the same time I am soo determined. I will not v* unless I have to. I simply will not.


People say that they can fight it and that is exactly what I will do. I've read that someone took medicine to v* but she never did.


I want to believe it is true soo bad. I just want answers. Why do I have to live my life like this? I understand that v* really isn't so bad, but I really can't help the anxiety that comes with it and the state I get thrown into.


Am I the only one who just wants to throw themself off a bridge so I don't have to live my life in fear anymore? I mean, I know I'm not going to actually kill myself, but sometimes it just seems soo much easier then all this that I have to go threw. My emet is unnessasry and eating me alive. literally.

[crystalmom]

Oh boy, winter. You sound very unhappy, and I know how you feel. I have felt that way. I understand completely.


Yes, there was a time I wanted to through myself off a bridge, so to speak, and I was terribly depressed. It happens, b/c our own bodies are doing this to use.


I think that meds may be a good answer for you too. I take them. Quite a few of them actually.Some don't believe in meds here, and that is fine, it is a personal choice. For me, it was get busy living, or get busy dying. I didn't wat or sleep. I was a mess. The meds have helped tremndously.


I doubt you won't get fired, and yes, kiss some booty when you get there. Besides, they CAN"T fire you for being ill, it's against the law!!!


I hope you feel better soon.


<<<HUGZ>>>


Crystal

[marby]

Wintergreen -


We could be sisters! I know exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes when I'm experiencing ALOT of anxiety over being n*, I put on the headphones and blare my favorite CD as loud as my ears can tolerate (really get your head into the music) and it helps me relax because I'm concentrating so hard on something else. Pick something you really like (music, art, whatever) and try to get so absorbed into it that you forget everything else.


Don't beat yourself up too much about work. I've done the same thing in the past. Sometimes a mental health day is SO important. We don't spoil ourselves as much as we should most of the time. Consider this a day for you tospoil yourself and don't think about work until tomorrow.


I also feel what you're feeling about not wanting to live your life like this anymore. Winter is so tough to get through with all of the viruses going around. I've actually talked to my husband about moving south so I don't have to deal with 'winter' anymore. Don't know if it will help - but I'm willing to pick up and leave my home to get away from this crazy phobia! Bottom line - hang in there. There is alot of support on this board and alot of people who understand and know how you are feeling.


Marby

[wintergreen22]

thankyou.


maybe you should move south. i live i florida and i never hear of anyone ever v* because of the cold, or that virus that spreads so fast up north.


everyone here just throws up b/c of drinking or something else

[SimplyMe]

Hey, I live in central florida (about an hour from Orlando) where in florida are you?

[ileah]

Im sorry you had that kind of night. I am new to this site and want you to know that I have started therapy, I am 43 years old and have had this since I was 7. Getting on the internet and reading all I can about this phobia helps too. I will be here if you need me.