I NEED HELP (completely OT)

[jesskali]

It is with great hesitation that I post this here, but I really have no one else to talk to about this. I'm not really looking for advice, because I know what the logical answer is in this situation. I guess I just need to vent a little bit. I hope no one thinks too terribly of me after this post. This may get a little long but please bear with me.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we have had some rough times this past year. We have been dealing with infertility which has caused our marriage to slowly deteriorate. Due to male factor infertility, we will likely never have a child through natural means. Well, all of this has caused major problems in our marriage. There is very little love/emotion in our marriage now. We have both tried very hard to overcome this, but we aren't doing very well.

The problem is that I have met someone else at work and we started a "relationship" about a month ago. We have worked together for 3 years and talked occasionally but he approached me last month and things have went on from there. He has been married for 7 years but tells me that he is pretty happy in his marriage. Yet, he still tells me that the future is uncertain. We had a talk today about why he is doing this and he cannot really tell me why. He tells me he is not a player and has never done this before and I believe him. The time we are together is great, but it is difficult since we are both married. My question is if he is so happy then what is he getting out of our relationship?

I am on an emotional rollercoaster. I am not the type of person that does this sort of thing. I had just been having such a hard time and when he approached me I was just thrilled that he was interested in me. But now I realize just how unhappy I am with my marriage. At the same time, it doesn't seem that this other guy is even thinking about the future (as in leaving his wife) and I'm not so sure that I'm ready to leave my husband.

I know the obvious answer in all of this is to stop the affair before it goes any further. But, I already have feelings for this other person and I'm enjoying our time together. He makes me happy which is something I haven't been in a while. We both feel that we have had this "connection" between us for quite some time and now we are just acting on it. I don't want to stop, but at the same time I'm afraid that if it goes on, I will end up being hurt even worse.

Jess

[babygap5]

Did you and your husband consider counseling to help deal with the infiritlity issue?Maybe that would help. Anyway, yes, the affair is bad because you are still married, but yes, you needed to feel loved in the way that your husband hadn't made you feel in a long time. I feel for you Jess. This is a difficult situation you are in. If I were you, I would focus my attention on my marriage and forget about this guy for awhile. Even though he claims not to be a player, he is. He has played you, just like he has played his wife, just as you are playing your husband. Go to counseling. If it seems that neither you or your husband feel that the marriage is worth saving, than, at least you knew you gave it all you had. Than, you have to end your marriage. It's a hard fact, and difficult reality to admit to, but that's just the way it is. I think there are alot of underlying issues between you and your husband that go deeper than the infertility. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, but, it's time to be an adult. How would you feel if your husband were doing this to you?

[kate1966]

Jess........wow...........I know exactly what you mean....i don't have time right now...but i will pm you tomm....i know what you are going through...not about trying to have children....but the other part....ok so i will pm you tomm....thinking of you....Kate Stay Strong!!!!

[marby]

Hi Jess -


This is the first time I've posted here (glad to have found this site), so I won't be 'familiar' to you.


I just wanted to share a somewhat similar (but reversed) situation with you for consideration. My husband and I had a really difficult time with getting pregnant as well. At some point, our intimate relationship became a chore, which at the end of every month also seemed like a failure when I didn't end up pregnant. There was no love or intimacy involved whatsoever, just month after month of failure to achieve the ultimate goal. We both blamed each other (and didn't know who had the 'problem'). At some point, it apparntly all became too much for my husband and he had a relationship with someone else. After I discovered the relationship, I also discovered that I was pregnant. It was the most stressful, awful time in my life. I felt stuck beyond belief. Everything I had ever believed about marriage and my morals was telling me to leave him for cheating on me. But, here I was pregnant and had wanted nothing more than to have a family. The "other woman" was also married and had two children. Soon, her husband found out about the relationship as well. Long story short, we ended up staying together and working through the betrayal (it's been 6 years). BUT.. I can tell you without question, that the people involved in having the affair (you and your co-worker) cannot fathom how many people their relationship will hurt. Not only the spouses, but any children involved, extended family members and friends. It's not something you think effects anyone but you two, and there is nothing futher from the truth.


I'm not trying to judge you or suggest that what you feel for the other man isn't genuine. Just please think about everything that is in jepoardy (your family and his) and don't make any decisions based on a whim.


See if your husband is willing to go to counseling. If he is, he believes the relationship is worth working on. If you don't - then you have to do what is right - and really hard - but that means make the change and leave your husband before this goes any further. As for your 'other man', I wouldn't give him the time of day unless he is willing to do the same.


Good luck to you and hang in there. I'll be thinking about you.

[crimgoddess]

Here is the thing- if he claims that he is happy in his marriage, the odds of him leaving his wife are slim to nil. Him saying that 'the future is uncertain' is just a way to lead you on, IMO, and I think you are setting yourself up for a really bad situation. You don't want to start depending on this person to make you happy- when he clearly has other obligations (as do you), and it can result in a lot of people getting hurt, especially yourself. What is he getting out of your relationship? Many things- the thrill of the forbidden, the attention from another female- and perhaps even a high from getting away with it. He's having his cake and eating it too!


I know that being with this person is making you feel good, and giving you respite from the bad situation you are facing in your marriage right now- but in the longrun, I think you are doing yourself a disservice. Yes, everyone deserves to be loved, and to be in a loving relationship- but in order to truly be happy, you have to be happy with yourself. You DESERVE someone who wants to be with you and only you- not someone who views you as a relationship on the side. You are worth so much more than that.


If you think your marriage is beyond repair, it's time to address it, cut your losses, and separate. If you think there is even a glimmer of hope in there, then you have to fight for it. Marriage is damned hard- which is why I havent made that step yet. And yes, it sounds like there is a bit more than fertility issues going on here- sounds like you and your husband need to have a serious heart to heart.


You have to make some decisions about your marriage, in my opinion, before you even think of getting involved with someone else. Especially if that other person is married as well!


All the best-


*amber*

[tayda]

I agree a bit with everyone..


1.) You're right when you say that you will end up hurting everyone, but don't forget that you may end up hurting yourself the most.. and hencefoth losing the most.


2.) You may get along great w/ this guy, and you may even be able to remain friends. But tell him that you need to discontinue the situation... even though you enjoy his company... it is not fair to your partners.


3.) MEN WILL NEVER LEAVE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP (well it's rare) UNLESS THEY HAVE ANOTHER PERSON TO RUN TO.


I think you're being very mature about exploring your emotions and considering the consequences of your actions. I think that your husband and yourself REALLY need to seek counseling and decide if there are any other underlying factors for the reason why you aren't emotionally connected anymore. If it truely is the inablility to conceive naturally... Well there are other alternatives. However, I really think there may be other factors to take into consideration.


Take care of yourself, and I don't think anyone else is thinking any less of you... I'm sure you're not the only one who has ever been in this situation before.


Best of luck

[californiagirl]

Everyone who replied here all have valid points that make perfect sense, and I can empathize with you. Here's my story (very short version):


I've been married 4 years this month, my hubby has a prob with me because I haven't worked steady. I work freelance (Paralegal), but it's not consistent. He has always worked in the same field for over 20 years and has steady employment. We hit some rough spots w/$$ (we are doink OK now though) and I have a hard time w/trust due to an awful past marriage. Well, the "passion" and intimacy is reduced by about 85%, and it totally sucks. I have considered an affair (maybe even w/a female), just to have someone to talk to and someone to hold me and FEEL me, and it's not even a "sex" thing--I just want to be "wanted". BUT, I am not ready for the possible consequences of an affair. I'm sure you can relate, as I can relate to you as well and what you're going through. I would hate to see a bad end-result to your situation, i.e., ending your marriage due to an affair rather than by mutual agreement of you & hubby, an angry wife causing you problems, etc. You can PM me w/your email address or ph. # if you'd like, and we can talk more. Hope this helps that someone is in a somewhat similar situation.....Edited by: californiagirl

[jesskali]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am all too aware that this relationship should have never even started. I don't think either one of us was looking for this. I also know that it needs to stop before it gets any worse--it's just that ending it is going to be difficult. Part of me reallly doesn't want to end it, but then the other part is scared of getting hurt and dealing with the other consequences. I know if my husband finds out, my relationship with him will be over. And, I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for that yet. The other guy really wants our relationship to continue--we are very much alike and enjoy being together.

I guess I just never thought I would be in a situation like this. I have witnessed it tearing other people/relationships apart and it was something I never thought I would do. I always thought I could be strong against this type of temptation, but when it comes to this particular guy I have no strength whatsoever. Like I said earlier, I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. The affair has given me a sort of "high" feeling, but when I come down off of that high feeling, I'm not so happy.

I know that most likely nothing good is going to come out of this relationship and that it will end one way or the other no matter what. I just need to find the strength and courage to put it behind me!


Jess

[jesskali]

Well, I ended the affair yesterday, I think. I called "D" my boyfriend and told him I just didn't see anything really good coming out of our relationship and that I felt like I was the only one who was going to get hurt in this situation. He was in agreement with me, but his suggestion was to "take a step back" and just be friends for a while with nothing physical. He told me he still wants to talk and go out to eat on occasion. I am completely OK with this, but just have to wonder if it will not lead back into something physical again. He tells me that he and his wife are trying to work through some things and that he is nowhere ready to leave at this point. He told me that if my husband and I seperate, he could not stand to see me with anyone else but him--so what does that leave me to believe?

I am not dealing with this very well. I am trying to work things out with my husband but at the same time I still have strong feelings for "D". I am actually somewhat devastated that I ended this, although I know it is for the best.

I guess my question is: Is "D" really as happy as he says he is? Would he have gotten involved with me if he was?

Well, thanks everyone for listening...

Jess

[babygap5]

If he was truly happy w/ his wife, having an affair would never have entered into his mind. He is also very controlling, how dare he say that if you and you husband should separate he wouldn't want you with anyone else. He is just using you Jess. He likes the idea of having a "safety net" available to him. If he should ever leave his wife, I would be very leary of him because who's to say he wouldn't do the exact same thing to you. Good for you for ending it.

[abw123]

Hi, Jess.


I am 30 years old and have been married for almost 7 years. I have really strong feelings about your post. I want to recommend a book to you that has helped me understand my husband and myself immensely. The book is called "The Five Love Languages," and it is by Gary Chapman. I cannot recommend this book enough to anyone - in a wonderful marriage, bad marriage, or no marriage at all. Please get it, and even if your husband does not go to counseling, see if he will read it with you.


I have had many friends and a family member with fertility issues. There are so many things available to you now. You probably even know another couple with this issue. It is so incredibly common. I suggest you find someone you can talk with about it who knows what you are going through. In fact, there are two couples in my church who are going through the adoption process, and I know they are glad to have each other to talk with.


I know what it is like to "want to be wanted," but you need to stop this affair. As Dr. Phil says, you need to exhaust all means of saving your marriage before you end it. I work at home, and I am so thankful for this because we are ALL tempted at some point or the other. I believe I could be compatible with many other people in this world, but I CHOOSE to love and be with my husband everyday. The butterflies go away, but we can learn to have deeper and more meaningful relationships after this happens. I never place myself in situations where something could happen. Your marriage should be the most sacred thing in your life, and you need to place barriers to protect it. If you continue to "go out to eat" alone with this other person, the affair will continue. My suggestion is to stay far away from him - quit your job if necessary. Please go to counseling, read the book, and just try. You cannot give it a full go if you are with someone else - especially if the "butterflies" are strong for that person. Please know that they too will go away after time.


I am just trying to help you. Please, get the book. You and your husband deserve to give this a go. You may truly always regret it if you don't. What have you got to lose? Trust me - I was unfaithful to my husband in college, (way before we were married) one time, and there is not a day that goes by I do not think of that. It kills me.


I hope this helps a little.

[jesskali]

Thank you abw123. I will have to see if I can find that book. I have asked my husband to go to counseling but he does not want to right now. I am just having so many feelings right now. I love my husband and want things to get better, but unfortunately I still have feelings for this other person, too. Sometimes I just want to go live on an island by myself for a while and not have to deal with anyone or anything...


Jess

[silver]

Jess,


I have only been married for a short while and I may have no room to even add to this discussion, but I hope something I add might help. I know that men and women have affairs for many different reasons, but the predominant reason for women going outside of their marriage is that they are missing something. Maybe its being held, maybe its having someone really listen to you, whatever it is, that other person filled that void that you had. Your needs are not getting met. You said that you ended the affair and I think that is positive, but you need to fill that void with your marriage. Marriage counseling, etc. might be good....Sometimes you aren't even consiously aware of the situation that is causing the void. Bottom line is that you need to get your needs met in your marriage and in turn meet your husbands needs.

[swiftette]

Jess, It may not feel like it yet, but I think you did the right thing in ending it with "d", he sounds very selfish to me and you are very vulnerable right now. I have a feeling it's probably not "him" you care about so much, but the "possibilitys"and the hopethat goes along with being withsomeone new. There is aline from one of my favorite movies "You've got mail" where the lead charector and her boyfriend decide to breakup and he asks her if there is "someone else" , and her answer was "no, but there's the HOPE (of someone else)".

[jesskali]

Silver--I am very aware of what my marriage is missing and it is intimacy and the feelings of being appreciated. I experienced these things with "D" and it made me feel good. I'm only human and I need these sort of things in my marriage and I'm not getting them. There is no doubt in my mind that a year ago, I would not have been in this situation.

Swiftette--You're exactly right--it is the hope and excitement of being with someone new that really intrigues me.


Jess

[marby]

Jess -


I think you made a giant step in the right direction even though I'm sure it was very difficult. If you're husband isn't willing to go to counseling - go without him. In the end, even if the marriage doesn't make it - you will know that you did everything you were capable of doing to save it. If he doesn't go to counseling and the marriage fails - he wouldn't be able to say that.


If "D" were happy in his marriage - he wouldn't feel the need to have an affair. But not being completely happy and being willing to leave are two entirely different things. His comment about not wanting to see you with anyone else was selfish.If you left your husband and continued to have a relationship with him, it would suit him just fine. Then he could have his cake and eat it too... pretty good deal all the way around (for him anyway).


Hang in there - lots of people are thinking of you!


Marby

[nicki]

Hi Jess, I have been on both sides of something like this. I dont really want to chat about it on here, do you have msn or aim?

[suze]

I've been wanting to reply to this thread for a while but I have so much to say I figured it would take me hours! I'll try and be succint! I have experience from both sides; my ex-husband was a married men when I met him, and twelve months ago I had an affair (with a woman!) which subsequently led to the breakdown of my marriage. Reading that, I sound like a bad person, but I'm not, I was misguided initially, suffering from extremely low self-esteem, and then just plain miserable!


I feel for you Jess, I know what it's like and I know the rollercoaster of emotions you are feeling. Anyway, there are so many issues to address. What is he getting out of this affair? Well, sex for one thing! One of the most powerful drugs for a man! We all know how relationships/affairs start, all rampant and lusty!!! Over time though, things settle and hopefully that lust develops into something much deeper - we can't stay on that emotional and euphoric high forever because we'd never get any work done!! Some people (mostly men I guess) need that buzz. It doesn't mean he's not happy with his wife, he just doesn't get that buzz anymore. You provide that. Women on other hand, IMHO, get more emotional fulfillment from sex, when it feels right. I reckon after you've been together, he'll spend the evening at home with his wife on a real high. You on the other hand will be down because you haven't been fulfilled in the same way as him. I'm not saying that he doesn't have feelings for you, I'm sure he does, but they're shrouded in the sex thing. You say that he still wants to see you and hates to think of you with someone else - this is pure sexual jealousy and sexual possession - again, very much a male thing. I take it he doesn't think twice of sleeping with his wife (he might tell you he doesn't!). This man wants it all Jess, you deserve better than that.


I suffered this for a year. I'm not sure if my husband would have ever left his then wife for me - she found out and kicked him out! She rang me and said "good luck to you, he's hard work" And I thought, no way, he's sweet, generous, an unselfish lover, caring etc. Boy was she right! Once things settled, routine took over, we had a couple of kids, my libido started to ebb, then the real man came out. He's not a bad man by any means, but all those qualities I thought he had, were not really him, they were put there to lure me and get me hooked. We can all do this, not just men. In fact, he left me temporarily to go back to his (ex) wife when I got pregnant - what kind of s*** does that?


With regards your marriage. I think you need to be honest with yourself. In your heart, do you love your husband and do you want him? And i don't mean guilt, feeling sorry for him etc. Do you love him, like a woman should love her husband? Can you look him in the eye and tell him? I battled hard with this, Inever thought I'd have an affair, but it happened. And the reason it happened is thatI knew, deep down, that I didn't love him anymore. I cared about him,as the father of my kids, but love? No, I knew that and since we separated I have never thought to change my mind. I think counselling might be a good idea, if you want to save your marrriage, but only if you want to.Have you satdown and talked with your H? He says he doesn't want counselling, perhaps he is feeling similar to things to you about the relationship? Talk to him. Iknow there are people here who think marriage is sacred, but happiness is more sacred. If you're not happy then your H won't beeither. You have one life Jess, make it a happy one, you must.


Try hard to stay out of this affair, if only for your own emotional well-being. I'm not syaing there's no future for the two of you, but you need to make decisions about yourrelatoinships with your partners, alone, separately, and free from factors which mar your rational thinking. Also,as there are fertility issues, could part ofthis be driven by the fact that this man can give you what you want i.e. a bab

[crystalmom]

Wow....this is a biggie, ain't it? I think everyone has valid points.


My story....I have been there too. There was no love or intrest in my marriage. I went looking for it. I was the one who would initiate things. I just wanted to feel loved and needed. Unfortunetly, these guys wanted only sex. It is so hard. Think about want YOU want. Not society's expectations of you. Not of anyone elses expectations of you. Think about YOU, what is in your soul???


I think that ending it with "D" was a good idea. He was honest enough to say he wasn't leaving his wife, and that was good of him. He never lead you on to think you would have some fairy tale ending. However, if a man is happy in his marraige, what is he doing with you? (No offense, of course). Makes you wonder though, even the 'happy' ones are having affairs.


Think about you, then decide a course of action from there. If you want to be with your husband, then discuss alternatives with him. If you don't...then leave now. Make yourself happy, and then the "right" one will find you!


Thinking of you!


Crystal

[jesskali]

Thanks, marby,suze, and crystal. Nicki, I don't have MSN, but you can send me a PM if you want.

Everyone has made excellent points. I know that I did the right thing, I'm just not happy about it. I'm really struggling with the feelings I have for "D". I know that even if we did end up together, we could never trust each other. He was very honest with me from the beginning and didn't lead me on. I guess I was just hoping if it continued, we would fall madly in love and be together (I know that only happens in a perfect world). He even said that if it had continued the way it was, we probably would have fallen in love.

I do want to say something in his defense though--the comment about not wanting me with someone else was not meant to sound that way. These were his exact words, "If you left your husband and someone else ended up falling in love with you and wanting to marry you, I don't think I could take it. I would regret that for the rest of my life." I don't think he meant it in a possessive way at all. Maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't take it that way.

I'm going to try my best to work things out with my husband. I think we are going to go out of town this weekend so we can try to reconnect. I have just got to get "D" out of my head, though!

Jess

[SimplyMe]

Hey, Jess, you said in the beginning you don't want advice and I'm not going to give you any lol. Just know we are here if you want to vent or if you want advice. You are not a bad person what you are is confused and lonely ... there is a difference. Anyhow, i hope you can work things out (which ever way is best) and if nothing else I hope you get counselling for yourself. Good luck!

[jesskali]

Thanks, Simplyme! I knew I would get advice no matter what and everyone has made some really good points.

Well, "D" sent me an e-mail this morning. It was very general--just "Hello, How are you? Have a good day" sort of thing. I sent him a very general one back telling him to have a nice weekend. I don't know what to think of that. It is almost like he doesn't want this to stop. I'm trying to be very neutral at this point and not say anything to him about how I'm feeling.

My hubby and I aren't going on a little trip this weekend, so hopefully I can get my mind off of "D" and hubby and I can reconnect.

Jess

[Galadriel]

I also don't want
to sound "preachy" or anything, but you have to ask yourself is it
worth doing this with this "D" guy? I mean is it worth breaking your
marriage over?



It sounds to me like if he was REALLY happy, then what is he doing with
you when he himself is married too? Also what makes you think he isn't
going to turn around and do the same thing to you that he is now doing
to his wife (looking elsewhere)? Just some points to think about.



I am sorry that you feel you aren't getting what you need in your
marriage, that is a very hard thing. I agree with marital counseling or
anything to try and repair what you have with your husband. Your
husband comes before this "D" guy, you made the vows to your husband,
and its worth trying to repair if at all possible.



It would be best if you completely cut off contact with this "D" guy,
just don't talk to him and stay away from him, act like he doesn't
exist, because he is coming between you and your husband and your
marriage is in a very vunerable position now. It may seem like this "D"
guy is the answer, but really he is playing his own wife, and he is
using you when you are in a very susceptable position.



Focus on your husband, and as hard as it may seem to do you have to end it completely with this guy.

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[jesskali]

Thanks, Galadriel. I know that my husband comes first and I do love him very much. We have been through so much the last year and I guess I've just been vulnerable. It is a hard place to be in...


Jess

[crystalmom]

Jess....I know how you are feeling, and I hope that you can have a good weekend with your hubby. In regards to your feelings for "D", I would chalk them up to fantasy. They are REAL, but from personal experience, they were about someone riding up on a white horse and rescuing me. I know it's hard....I believe that you will find that in time (not as much as you think) it will only be a memory, and one that is faint.


I don't want to sound as though I am saying what you are feeling is not real, b/c those feelings are very real to you right now. In hindsight, they may seem different.


Have a good weekend, I hope that it works out for you, no matter what!


Crystal

[tourtelj]

Hi.. I was reading through some posts on your situation. I'm glad you have decided to try work things out. Because the only way to really give it a good effort is to do so with 110%. Of course your marriage seems bad because your comparing it to something fresh new and exciting.


Maybe your marriage wont work..but a full effort is deserved for not only your husband but for you too. and if it doesnt then you can try things with D. you may find you two as a couple minus it being an affair, may not work.


unfortunatley affairs happen.. im a child of divorce based on affair that led to a half sister. it has given me a pretty sour outlook on marriage. not that i dont want to get married..i love my bf of three years and cant wait till we get married but i will never assume he wont ever cheat on me cuz you never know. who would marry someone that would cheat on them?


but youll make it through.. of course itll be hard to get over D but i think in the end youde find it harder to get over your husband.

[2jo2]

Hi Jess,


I wanted to mention that at work, people talk, people are nosey and people figure things out. They see how you talk to each other, look at each other, etc. Please don't think your secret is "safe", it could get back to your husband. I'm sure you've thought about all this already, but my point is that it will be worse if someone else lets it slip to your husband and you're still in deep with "D". I'm putting myself in your husband's shoes now and I would think that it would be more difficult for him to hear it from someone else, on top of the fact that you see this guy all the time at work, probably more than you see your husband (all of us that work full time probably see our co-workers more, right!?). My opinion, and I know it may not be popular, is that you need to cut off contact with "D" 100%. Do you see him regularily during a normal day? Are you right down the hall from him? Do you go to meetings that he'll be in as well? If so, I would seriously consider looking for another job. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to have someone that close that I was involved with and still have feelings for, for that person to be that close and not be allowed contact with them. It would be excrutiating! Don't put yourself thru that and make it harder than it should be. No emailing, no phone calls, no text messages, no lunches. You're just stringing things along that way. I feel sorry for you, what an awful situation to be in. Don't beat yourself up, be proud of what you did for your marriage - you resisted temptation and self indulgence, and did what was good for you and your husband. Please go to counselling for yourself even if your husband won't go. It'll help you sort out just what you're searching for and why you chose to start this affair. Good luck to you.

[jesskali]

2jo2--Although we work in the same building, we rarely even pass each other in the hall--our paths may cross once per month. He is in a completely different line of work than me--I'm a public health nurse and he is an environmental specialist so we don't actually work together (EVER). I will probably see him 2-3 times per year for brief meetings that involve 200-300 other people. I am not worried about that and I will absolutely not quit my job because of this.

I just got back from the trip I took with my husband and it was pure misery. He is obviously not going to take any steps to improve our marriage and has pretty much said so. He doesn't want it to be over, but yet he isn't willling to do anything I ask of him. So, I'm not sure what is going to happen. I'm just getting very exhausted with trying and am just about ready to say "the hell with it" and move on, whether it be with "D" or someone else!

Jess

[suze]

Have you thought of a trial separation? You have to be proactive here otherwise this relationship, which seems unsatisfactory for both of you, will just drift and drift, making you both even more unhappy. It's a tough decision, but if he's not prepared to do anything to try and improve the situation, then maybe you do.

[jesskali]

Suze-I have suggested that to him but he is very adamantly against that. He tells me he really wants to work things out, but he just doesn't seem willing to make appropriate changes. I can't help but wonder if it will take me leaving for him to wake up and realize what is going on here!

Jess