Christmas Shopping Blues

[unsureguy]

...so my wife cannot help much with Christmas Shopping. She usually has to leave and sit in the car. She did come back in the store twice at one stop.





I guess that is progress.





Right!?!?

[beadgirl]

Unsure guy--- Not that this is any type of solution, and I think I already know the answer, BUT... Does you wife drink? I don't mean heavily or anything, but will she have a glass of wine here and there? Maybe a little glass before ventuing out to the shops... That always calms my nerves a lot. Maybe If you reassure her that you will say with her at all times and if anything "happens" you'll get her outta there immediately. I know your wife is a lot worse off than a lot of us (I surmise after reading some of your posts) I feel for you. I've been that girl once.

[unsureguy]

My wife is breastfeeding presently. I don't know if she would try that even if that wasn't the case. I think she is afraid that it will upset her stomach and she will V*.





How did you un-become that girl?

[peachykeen]

I don't know how old your baby is, but I'm currently breastfeeding
too. Our little one is 10 months old, so she nurses a bit less
frequently than a newborn. I can have a glass of wine right after she
nurses, when I know it will be two hours until she nurses again. In
two hours it will pretty much be cycled out of her system. It really
does make a difference for me too, nerves-wise.

Also, is this your first child? I used to be "that girl" too, but having
kids really changed that. Yes, kids v* a lot - and for a lot of different
reasons. My older child v*'s at the drop of a hat - from coughing too
hard, to having a tantrum. DC has never had a sv, so I've had lots
of practice dealing with and not having to worry about catching
anything to v* myself. At first it was really bad - I cry and run out of
the room and make my hubby deal with it. But it's exposure
therapy big time, and now that DC is two I can soothe and comfort
when s*. I don't love it, and I still shudder inside, but outwardly I
don't make a big deal of it - I don't want DC to have this phobia too.

Do you think your wife could handle coming on this website and
chatting with us about anything? There are a lot of very strong
people here, and I've seem mommies here that have nerves of steel
- most of us are able to help our kids when they need us. Helping
my kids has been a good starting point for me to deal with this
phobia.

[beadgirl]

Okay, If she's afraid of v'ing hersolf, then maybe she could take some natural ginger pills before shopping just to settle her stomach. I have found that having some soda with me helps too. I'm not really sure how I got to this point. I used to be really bad but now I can deal with day to day things. I always have gum and peppermints in my purse, I always wash my hands, I try to eat healthy, and I try to avoid any situation that would spark my anxiety. I guess in combination all these things help. Also, I'm a pretty spiritual person and God and I have a deal, [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]I told him I would take any illness (ie colds, strep, etc..) in exchange for not getting the stomach virus. Haha, he's pretty much held up that deal for me. Except 3 christmases ago I got the sv... Didn't v, but came REALLY REALLY close. How was your wife when she had the baby? That is the one thing that my emet is conquering right now. I dont know that i want kids because I dont want morning sickness, and I dont know how I will deal with my child getting sick.

[unsureguy]

This is child number 3 for us. During pregnancy with our middle child ('02) everything was horrible. She couldn't leave, couldn't eat right, etc. The morning sickness made it worse. She didn't V* but was N* alot.


When my children V* I have to be there to take care of them. This has sometimes meant taking off work or getting a hotel room for me and the children.


We don't have a home computer, but hopefully we will have by FEB. My wife is extremely excited about communicating with everyone on this site. Forever she has felt like she was alone in this.


It is extremely hard for me to understand because I do not have these same irrational thoughts. Unfortunately I can not only be unsure...but angry and frustrated as well.


I will tell her about the ginger pills, however she does not do pills either, because she is afraid they will upset her.

[beadgirl]

Aw, you have it rought... But it's ginger! they wont make her sick and they are natural. My boyfriend totally understands me because he has his own irrational fear. What ever you do, don't get angry at her. She really cant help it. Believe me when I say none of us want this phobia.

[californiagirl]

We don't have a home computer, but hopefully we will have by FEB. My wife is extremely excited about communicating with everyone on this site. Forever she has felt like she was alone in this.

This will be good for her. She will get a lot of support and interaction here. We will welcome her with open arms [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Edited by: californiagirl

[pretty polly]

Unsureguy - I know I am slightly disagreeing with Beadgirl here, but
in my humble opinion, having a glass of wine "just to take the edge
off" is probably not such a good idea!! Because if thats a habit that
your wife gets into, then where does the limit end to "just take the
edge off?" Now I know its super unlikely an emet is likely to become
an alcoholic, but starting off slowly and gradually increasing
something like that, that your body becomes addicted to is quite
dangerous! But then I'm sure you already know that.
Does she have any hobbies? One thing I have discovered lately is
that the more time I have to think about this phobia, the worse it
gets, whereas if I am actively busy (and that doesn't have to involve
leaving the house) then my mind is concentrating on other things.
Just a suggestion. Hope everything goes fine!!

[*mandi*]

I know it must be very frustrating for you...but dont get angry with her! This is a very hard thing to deal with. She will need all the support she can get. make sure she comes here when you do get your computer!


About going shopping...I use to be the same way. Sometimes I would run out of the sotre and wait in the car.....b.c. I got bad panic attacks...and thought that maybe I would get nauseas and V* in the store. I gradually made myself go in the stores...and I eventually became better at going shopping. Is she afraid of being around a lot of people? Maybe you can shopping at a later time together to get away from the crowds. I always carry around a bottle of water and some gum. I dont know why...but minty gum seems to help me. Same with the water. Maybe she could try taking some ginger tablets. Or even an over the counter anti-emetic to help with the nausea. God knows what I'd do without my Dramamine.


But in all honesty...the only time that I dont think about this (which is rare) is when Im keeping myself busy. Finding a hobby...or even reading a book helps a lot. Heck..even shopping helps now...b.c. I love to shop!


Cant wait to hear from your wife when the computer comes! Hang in there!

[chicajojobe]

Maybe you could suggest that she tries shopping in like a strip mall or an outlet center where they have small shops.



For a little while going in the mall was hard for me because it's so
indoors! I felt trapped because I knew that at any given point I'd be
far from a bathroom and a door to the outside, so....what if I started
feeling sick? A really big part of my fear is v* in public. Not that I
want to do it in private, but it would just be so much worse if it were
on the carpeted floor in front of a whole crowd of christmas shoppers,
some of which I likely went to high school with since I'm home for the
holidays now.



However, if she were in a small store then she might feel better
knowing that if she felt the need to flee there would be less
obstacles. To me that helps a lot. If I'm in a place that I know I
could easily leave then I'm less lilkely to feel the need to rush out.



Also, and I know this is hard to do around Christmas time, but it would
also help to avoid really crowded places because that would make her
feel trapped too. It would also make her feel that she's more lilkely
contract some illness or see v*.



If she still finds shopping too hard then be patient. Try to get her to
get involved in other holiday activites such as wrapping, cooking
dinner/treats, decorating, etc. that way she'll still be part of your
family's holiday festivies and neither you nor her will fell isolated.
If you want to encourage her to go out maybe she'd feel better if you
took her to something that's completely outdoors such as a holiday
light show or a trip to a tree farm to pick out a Christmas tree.


Edited by: chicajojobe