The "comfort zone"???

[pretty polly]

I had a really good heart to heart with my hubby the other day,
about my emet ...While he agrees that talking to others on this site
may be of some benefit to me, he also thinks that "immersing myself
inside my emetophobia" could be very damaging!
Does anyone think he has a point?
I have tended to visit here alot lately, primarily to offer support to
people with anxieties, but also to air my feelings on any given day.
The problem is though, I find it hard to disassociate from. Is
disassociate the right word? Perhaps I mean, just step back from it.
And view things from a different standpoint.
One thing my husband said, that really struck me was, running to the
internet, was like giving in, and retreating into a "comfort zone",
where likeminded people will pat me on the back and reassure my
inadequacies, perhaps reinforcing my dependence on you all.
He also said that if I needed to speak to someone that I should seek
professional advice from qualified counsellors, because although alot
of you are incredibly well meaning and intelligent, you are not trained
to deal with the human mind and all its workings.
Now, I am not saying for one moment, that the advice that is given
on this site, is unfounded or incorrect, or in anyway intended for the
detriment of others, but perhaps sometimes what we actually need is
a real kick up the backside to fight this phobia, and more than just a
sympathetic, wallow in emetophobic-soup!!! (His words, not mine!)
Would anyone concur with this? I'm in a bit of a quandary at the
moment..wanting to stand up to this infliction we have, but also
finding it hard not to sink into the "comfort zone"!!! [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[babygap5]

I think that it all depends on you and how you feel. For some people, this site might just be a place to make new friends, while others feel that its a substitute for therapy. I think that your hubby brought up a valid point, about how you emerse yourself with this site, HOWEVER, if you feel that by cutting us off will benefit you, that's fine, you have to do what is best for you. And although your hubby said that we aren't "trained", we all have 1 thing in common, EMET, and we've all struggled with the same thing, trying to overcome this terrible, life controlling phobia. See, I don't think that this site is a comfort zone, I find inspiration here. I love to read about people's triumph's with beating this thing, and I always get new ideas on how to beat it. When I'm having a good day, I come here to offer advice and show support to others who need to have a little "virtual hug" of understanding.


You did good by discussing it with your hubby. He did good by sharing his feelings with you. Whatever you decide, don't worry, you will always be welcome here.

[liriodendron]

Sorry, I don't mean to come across as being unsupportive, but I couldn't disagree more with your husband.



You know I don't see anything wrong with making yourself more
comfortable with this phobia. I think that when it's really bad, the
first step is to take away as much worry and panic as you can. Then if
you want, you can tackle things one by one.



That's not to say coming to this forum is going to be productive for
everyone. It may or may not be. I find myself thinking about the phobia
a lot more now since I've started coming here.



As for going to mental health professionals, I know that people are
often quick to suggest going to a shrink but I haven't found them to be
real effective and they tend to regard this phobia as OCD and want to
put you on medication for that. I think for most people it's better to
tough it out and work your way though it. Call it tough love I guess.
These folks here with young kids that get sick... They're pretty tough.
What could a shrink possibly do for them?



Just wanted my vote to be counted.

[*jen*]

I think your husband has a good point, BUT, I think it also helps to
discuss your fears with other people who feel the same way, and
understand them. It's good that you're comfortable talking to him
about it though. Do what you feel is best for you.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[crimgoddess]

Yeah, I agree. I think depending on where you are with this phobia, the site has the ability to be counterproductive. Not only do I feel that some people have reached a sense of complacency with this disorder, choosing to adapt their lifestyle as opposed to attempting to beat it, but there is a proliferation of posts on things like the prevalence of viruses, exactly how contagious they are, etc. Even though this information is available through a general search of the web- having it laid out before you, when being sick is your worst fear, can be paranoia-inducing.


I think the degree of helpfullness of this board can be measured against the severity of your emet, and how often you visit. If your emet is severe, although this site will validate the fact that it is an actual fear (ie- you're not a freak for being scared of vomitting), it may cause you to obsess about the issue even more than before. If your emet is less severe, you may be able to focus less on posts that you know may be more of a hindrance than a help, and be able to enjoy more of the support aspect that this board has the ability to provide.


Also....I would tell your husband that it doesn't have to be one or the other. Many people on this board are also seeing counsellors, psychologists, or psychiatrists. One is not a substitute for the other- and hearing about other people's positives while in treatment (Sage, for instance) can be motivating.


Todd- when you say "shrink" I am assuming you mean psychiatrist? Because even though I know therapy isn't for everyone, there are counsellors and psychologists out there who cannot dispense drugs, which I think can be MORE helpful because all other non-drug related options can be exhausted. That, and I find that people tend to quit therapy/disregard it as an option after one bad experience with a particular therapist. For something of this nature- you really have to shop around. You shouldn't be obligated to go to the first person you call/make an appointment with...there really needs to be a degree of comfort/understanding with the person you are seeing. There needs to be some degree of compatibility- especially in terms of treatment goals, and the means to those goals.


Polly- I completely understand your dilemma. Good luck with everything


*amber*

[Babydoll]

i agree with your husband. While I like visting this site, I see alot who are more easily affected by this phobia, which almost validates the fact that I "Should" be afraid.


While I think talking with others and finding support is healthy, we should not lean on each other too much, Its kind of like the blind leading the blind.


I am learning not to post for most of the "what if's" that I think about. What that does is provide a short term relief, but in reality, it only feeds the phobia, and makes it grow.


I think that we should be more self reliant, and try to rationalize things out ourselves, before running to the board.


I tend not to respond the kind of posts along these lines, such as " will I get sick?" . I think that the resurance here is not useful because of the reasons I said previously. I can't even remember the last time I started a topic strickly about emet and getting sick, which is a huge source of achievment for me.


the board can have both benefifts and costs, depending on the degree of your anxiety disorder.

[pretty polly]

I just wanted to thank you guys for your replies - all very honest and
frank - exactly as it should be!
Like you all said it is how we feel inside that really matters, and non-
emets never fully understand how we think and see life.
Babygap, I certainly have no intention of cutting off from you guys,
that would upset me, and as Liriodendron said, we have to make
ourselves as comfortable as we can with this phobia. It's not just
gonna go away on its own, so we just have to deal with it the best
way we know how!
I am seriously considering consulting my doctor in the New Year to
see if I can be referred to a counsellor - if nothing else for some
corrective thinking patterns (is that cognitive behavioural therapy?) -
but even if I do get professional help, I most certainly will still come
on here - perhaps just not as often as before (so as not to upset
hubby!!!)
By the way, does anyone know if seeking professional help, and
seeing counsellors, leaves you with a "mental health" track record?
This is something I have often worried about, and probably the main
reason why I haven't yet approached anyone professionally>

[crimgoddess]

hey polly-


Correcting false/damaging thinking patterns is indeed cognitive-behavioural therapy. I have some experience with this, as I have worked in a clinical setting, and currently volunteer with prisoners (programming of this nature is very popular in Canadian prisons).


As for having a mental health track record- if you are working or volunteering with a vulnerable population (children, the mentally ill, etc)- on the application or in the interview they may ask if you are or have ever seen a therapist. They generally ask this to assess any possible risk you may pose (depending on the reason why you went into therapy, and if you were ever diagnosed with a serious mental illness). I cannot forsee admitting you were in therapy/counselling for the intent to get over a phobia posing any sort of issue.


LOL....if it helps, a great deal of people who were in psychology when I took it as a minor in my undergrad and who wanted to pursue either psychiatry or psychology professionally we also currently seeing someone (or had in the past).


Goodluck


*amber*

[pretty polly]

Thankyou Amber.

It is no surprise to learn that you studied psychology, you offer
fantastic advice - perhaps I should get my hubby to read your posts,
and he will see that there actually are qualified people giving out help
to us!!!

Keep up the good work...

[madisonsmom]

Yes this site can be counterproductive but all at the same time (like crimgoddess said, it depends on where you are with this phobia) if you are in a panic mode or crisis this site is great for support. I guess its all in how you use the site.


I have been reading about phobia's and just different things and its all about trying to retrain the subconscious mind. I have several books. One is "The Power of the Subconscious Mind" and the other is "Brain Lock" (Mainly about OCD) but they are wonderful in telling you how phobia become phobias and things you can try to do to try to control them if not overcome them!


[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Edited by: madisonsmom

[japa]

polly - about the mental health track record, I don't know about the U.K., but in the U.S., having sought mental health care in the previous year when applying for an individual private health insurance policy (not group plans with work or school) can raise your rates extremely high. But then, you just have to wait one year since the last date of service to reduce rates.


I wonder if you're thinking about jobs that might ask this question. I will say that for as many jobs as I have interviewed for, I have never been asked or had to disclose that I have had mental health treatment.


I appeared on a TV talk show recently, and I told the show's producers that I had a therapist. They said they would fax her to get her permission for me to appear on the show. I left a message with the therapist that they would contact her. She said that it was a good idea that I told her because otherwise she would not have even been able to say that she knew who I was. So, really, therapy is confidential.

[japa]

Also, as far as I know, many therapy/counseling training programs require that the students undergo a year or two of therapy themselves before they receive their degrees and begin to practice.


Think about it: In order to help other people, therapists have to be self-aware. If they are not, their own limitations and lack of self-knowledge can interfere with their ability to be present to their clients and help them. Why wouldn't a therapist, who believes in the healing power of therapy, not want to experience that for him/herself?