what do I do? :(

[wintergreen22]

things are soo not good for me right now. my emet has been an every day thing but its never been this bad. I'm tired of fighting the n* EVERY day. Last night I embarrased myself because I really thought I was going to v* and I started to panic in front of my family. they aren't supportive of it and they think its stupid. A lot of times I hate food because it makes me feel worse.


frankly, I don't know what to do anymore. to top it off, I just dropped out of college, I have no job, no direction, and just want to stay in bed all day. My emet keeps me from going out and actually accomplishing anything. I'm afraid of what will happen when I start feeling sick at work or have an anxiety attack at work.


my mom is worried about me and thinks I'm on drugs because I used to be full of life and bubbly and fun and now I'm just scared of everything and basically depressed and dragging myself around the house.


I've heard that meds can help, but there is the risk of addiction and everyone says "Jess, you think you've got problems now, wait until you start taking meds!"


i don't know what to do anymore. I just so sick of this.

[crimgoddess]

Jess-


I know you just dropped out of college- is there a possibility of going back only part-time, take one or two course so you aren't just doing nothing around the house? At least it would only be a few hours a week, and spread out....a lotless stressfulthan being fulltime. That, and you can make use of the counselling services on campus. I know my school offers it- and if you're family isn't supportive, just having someone there that you can talk to without them knowing "who" you are (in terms of your parents comparing you 'now' to how you were previously), and can just listen without passing judgement can do wonders.


And please do keep eating- if you aren't eating enough, the nausea you are feeling can be due to hunger. That, and I know for a fact that vomitting on an empty stomach is actually WORSE than having something in there. Not eating is not correlated to not vomitting- believe me, it is still possible.


Would it be at all useful to make a 5 year plan for yourself? Sit down, write what you want to achieve personally, professionally, and health-wise in the next few years....it can take some work, but writing things down actually helps, and once you have it in writing you can actually start to plan on how your goals are to be achieved. Part of what may be making your emet worse as of late is your uncertaintly in other areas of life.....I know that when I am especially worried about something, my emet also gets worse. When I am moving forward and achieving something, it seems to become more part of the background.


That, and if you have a plan for what you want to do- you can sit down with your family, and explain where you are right now, what you are feeling- and how their reaction is hindering your progress. It will be hard- but at least if you can show that you DO have ambition, and they present part of the barrier to doing so- they may get a better idea of where you are coming from.


As for drugs- I have pretty strong feelings on the subject, and feel that they often serve as a band-aid one-size-fits-all solutions, and are over-prescribed in north american society. So....all I have to say is that I would use that as a last resort, if other options dont work. I have seen people lose themselves with psychiatric drugs....so I view this as a personal issue.


I sincerely wish you the best of luck- if you ever want to chat, I'm there for you.


*amber*

[mjewell]

Hi Jess-


Amber and I always disagree on the topic of meds I agree they are overprescribed, if people are feeling a little blue or are dealing with some temporary stress I don't think they should seek out drugs, but for people who have debilitating depression and anxiety I think they are a lifesaver. If you are getting to the point that you cannot function in your day to day life, you may need some help from meds. I certainly can't speak for everyone but meds have done nothing but help me. I was so depressed and housebound before I started taking them and now I am (almost) back to normal. Sure, i still get anxiety every now and then, but I am out living my life like a normal person and for the most part I am happy.


I would suggest visiting a doctor and just tell them what you have been going through. Taking some notes with you is helpful for me, then I don't forget anything. If you can get something just to get you back on your feet for a while, you may find it helps you tremendously. there are so many different meds out there that I really believe there is something for everyone. It's a shame that some people suffer needlessly when there are meds to help.


In my opinion you only live once, and if there is something out there that will help you enjoy your life you should take advantage of it...as long as you follow your doc's advice and don't get carried away, meds can be very beneficial.


Good luck and don't give up hope.

[californiagirl]

In my opinion you only live once, and if there is something out there that will help you enjoy your life you should take advantage of it...as long as you follow your doc's advice and don't get carried away, meds can be very beneficial.

I agree with this. I was a total mess, and went on Prozac. My dr. upped my dosage slowly to where it accommodated my needs, and let me tell you -- it did WONDERS for my phobia and OCD!! I had to go off of it for a while last year right when my Mom died, and I fell into a depression. I had no insurance at that time while we were in Paln Springs. Now that we have insurance, I will be seeing a dr. and going back on it again. It worked very well for me. I usually don't like meds, but in this situation, I needed drastic help, and was happy I did.

[wintergreen22]

thankyou thankyou!

[kel12347]

I fought going back on meds for a long time. I wanted to get rid of the phobia myself, and thought drugs were a cop out. But once I got to the point where my anxiety was sky high all day long, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and could barely work, something needed to be done. I went on Prozac, and things are much better now. My emet isn't gone, but I can function again. My suggestion is that if you need the meds, go on them, but also start some good CBT. THe CBT can give you the lasting results you want, whereas meds may be only a temporary fix.

[liriodendron]

Pretend you are a caveman living before all this modern medication. You
have to hunt to survive. This is the same thing. You need to force
yourself to get out of bed and go do something. If not school, then
maybe a job and earn some money. Try to develop some hobbies and get on
a regular schedule of eating and sleeping. If there is nothing to do,
then find something to do. Like chores of some kind. I know you
probably get that from your parents all the time, but remember, when
you're a caveman, you don't have any choice. It's eat or be eaten. I
think you will see a very big improvement when you follow my advice and
stay active.

[wintergreen22]

liriodendron, i couldn't agree with you more.... i guess its going out and actually doing it is my problem

[liriodendron]

You can either make up your mind that tomorrow you're going to force
yourself to get out of bed and do something, or get eaten by a bear.

[mjewell]

Exactly. That's what meds are useful for, is getting you back on your feet temporarily so you can build up your confidence to go out and do the things that will heal you - therapy, hobbies, keeping busy, exercise, etc.

[liriodendron]

I've been down that road before and I never used medication to get my butt in gear. I was a caveman.

[shiva]

I have to say that when I was married and my husband made enough $ for me to stay home and take care of our daughter, I was at my worst (emet wise). I tried meds a handfull of times and they kept making me gain weight, which made me depressed. I cannot handle being out of shape, it makes me hate myself.


Anyway.. So then I got divorced and began working full time and I was better than ever in my life. I realized there was no time to be obsessing. I HAD to get my butt up and go to work and I HAD to put on the fun face for my daughter. The fun face became real and I was finally LIVING life. Then I also started school and felt even better about myself. UNTIL my psychologist told me that she would not treat me unless I went to a shrink for some meds to help me through.


Well guess what... I felt totally unmotivated. It was really hard to get up in the mornings and work out (although I still did it). Work sucked. My school was very hard and I felt like a s***ty unmotivated mom. A f***ing lump. Then, of course suddenly I started gaining weight AGAIN. I knew that was coming. 50 lbs in like 5 months. Yeah. So then recently I found out that not only did the meds cause me to gain weight, I am now insulin resistant. It screwed up my pancreas as well. We know that it was the meds because shortly before hand I had my blood sugar and insulin levels checked and not only were they normal, but they were actually low. (and I was on a minimal dose of this medication.. actually of all the meds that did this to me)


So, think really hard and try really hard before you take meds. I understand that not all people are as sensitive to meds as I am and I know they really do help some people. Everyone is different. But I know that I will never take them again. Not ever. And I also know that all the power is within me as yours is within you. You don't really need it because you are strong enough to be productive and happy on your own. Everyone is capable of this. It's hard work and dedication. But you are worth it.


I guess I've decided to be a cave woman

[wintergreen22]

lol...i hate being a caveman...ahem...woman





thanks for all your advice!

[beadgirl]

Wintergreen22. Just remember that everyone is different. What works for one person may not work for you. Personally. I didn't want to go on meds But I had no choice... The only other thing that has ever calmed me down was smoking and drinking. I think I would rather be on a low dosage of medication than become alcoholic or died of lung cancer. I bet if the caveman had drugs, he'd use em. Heck, he was smart enough to create fire and the wheel. Some people can't just get up and accept the day for what it is no matter how much they want to!!!

[pretty polly]

Shiva - you really made me think with your post.
When I used to work full time before I had my daughter, my emet
never particularly bothered me. Since I had my daughter and gave
up work - while she was young, I was fairly busy with her, and my
emet was ticking over but nothing horrendous. Now, my daughter is
at school all day, I work part time, but have alot of "free" time, and
my husband has a job that takes him away on business weeks at a
time - and my emet is the worst it has ever been!!!
So I'm guessing the reason that its so bad, is because I have so
much more time to dwell on it. I find myself visiting this site daily,
and worrying about everything, I have never got counselling or
meds. So in your opinion, and I would be ever so grateful if you
could give your opinion, would I be better off "doing" more with my
mind, keeping busy etc than going to get professional help and
succcumbing to my phobia once and for all?
Hey, actually I think I just answered my own question!!!!
Nice one, Shiva, thanks alot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **hug**

[shiva]

Pretty Polly,


Exactly. ***hugs back***


I swear we are onto something here. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[wintergreen22]

i think so!

[wintergreen22]

you know, while we're at it...lets come up with a cure!

[tourtelj]

I know this topic is a little old but I'm new.. so its new to me [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] im in college and emet is a pain in the ass. doesnt bother me so much in class cuz im focused on something else but getting up and getting there is the hard part. this is what works for me


i take any class i can that is offered online. its a little extra work but you can put a price on taken an exam in your pjs in your own home.


i took my classes in the morning and gave myself only enough time to get up rush get ready and head out the door. if i have time to sit around i have time to get anxious.


and know that you dont have to go. you should but its not earth shattering if you miss class. i have actually told some prof about my anxiety. not emet persay but the anxiety and they have been very understanding. emet some people dont get but a decent amount understand anxiety. i have found now being in college ( one more semester to go!! ) that my emet has been at its worse. with the stress and feeling i need to be in so many places. but the worst thing you can do is give in. and i think im saying that cuz i need to hear it from myself to. im really anxious now and am scared to go to my internship tomm cuz the stomach v has been goin around work. im dreading getting it. and obsessing about getting it.





good luck talk to me anytime any makin it through college support i could give is great.


-jess

[crystalmom]

This subject is also very debateable. I, am on meds. I thank the pharmaceutical company everyday. Thanks for giving me my life.


I was just like you. College, emet flairs, drop out. Was the 'life of the party', then, BOOM, no more of that for me. Didn't want to eat, sleep, or do anything. It was EXTREMELY difficult, and I know exactly how you feel.


To be very truthful, I never went back to college. I am, however, doing nursing through distance education. I had to go to the college the other day to get a transcript, had a panic attack so bad, that I raced home. And my college days were almost 10 years ago.


I went on meds, b/c I couldn't live being the person I was. The meds kicked in, and I felt better. I still have attacks. I am not "cured". But I go out, I have a family, a job, and school. I want another baby. My life is going on as best as it can with emet. Meds are a very personal choice. In my opinion though (and I don't mean to sound like I'm starting a debate here) is that we are NOT caveman. We do NOT live in a time where there is no health care. Cavemen lived to be like 30. Our life expectancy is close to 85 now!


Let me ask the 'cavemen'....if (God forbid) you got cancer, would you not seek every option to get better? The reason I say this, is b/c they didn't have chemo and radiation and surgery in the cavemen days. So, at what point do you decide that it is ok to take things available to make a better quality of life?


Just me though.


Humbly,


Crystal

[wintergreen22]

wow...thankyou! that really helps out a lot!

[mjewell]

Some people, like Shiva, didn't need to go on meds in the first place it sounds like. I can't believe your therpaist would refuse treatment Shiva!


On the other hand, if you cannot manage to get out then meds can be a good booster until you get your self-confidence back.


If I didn't have anti-anxiety meds, I probably would not be able to leave the house. i was a wreck before i got them, and I am much better now. I do not want to be on them for the rest of my life, but I am certianly not going to struggle through the best years of my life being a "cavewoman" when there are such wonderfulmeds available.