The Bull S*** that is my life...

[samara's on tv]

Okay I know there were otherpeople who read my last topic about this girl I was in love with. I just got this E-mail from her parents:


This is to inform that a little while ago we had to take Mare to the hospital because she completely broke down. She was in a constant conflict about you as she tried to stay away from you but you insisted on stalking her even when she changed her name several times.
<DIV>We have decided that if you continue toharass her by stalking her we are going to contact the police and also notify yourserver and our server.Also,we will take a peace bond out on you if you make any attempt to see her in person.</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Mare's Mom and Dad</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Now I don't know if this is a total LOAD or not. But I'm going on assuming that it's not. Also I was not stalking her, becauseSHE foundME again. She was the one who contacted me! WTF? I wasn't stalking her! Anyway it's over now...truely over. I don't know what to do my heart has been stepped on so many times in the past few weeks...Ijust don't know what to do any more. So now because of me she's in the hospital. I can't take this anymore...I can't take it...I cannot live my life without her. I know this sounds like I'm insane orwhatever but I'm not. I just feel like I need her in my life...I miss her already. What am I supposed to do now? Just forget about her? Pretend like she was never in my life to begin with? Someone PLEASE talk to me and tell me it's going to be okay...I need reassurance BADLY Right now. </DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>~Monica</DIV>

[gubba]

You will survive without her, but maybe this isn't for real from her parents. It sounds weird to me and if Mare really did not want to be with you, why did she not tell you herself? If she's old enough to start a relationship, she can certainly stop it too. What kind of hospital? Why did her parents even bother to tell you this if she is really in a hospital then you would not be able to get to her anyway. This all sounds a bit strange. All that said, most important is for you to know that you CAN survive without her and you will be fine. It is heartbreaking to lose anyone or anything that you love. I just put an old pet to sleep and it almost killed me, but I have so many things in life to look towards that my sad slump was a week and I still get very emotional, but I move on each day and you will too.


Please try and cheer up and think about the fact that this may not be for real

[swiftette]

It IS going to be okay Monica. And you have to know that YOU did'nt "put her in the hospital". If that truly was an e-mail from her parents-they are the ones who should feel guilt about her being in there. From what you've said here, it sounds like her mom is very controlling and thather daughteris feeling conflicted about her sexuality. She is confused . You don't need all that conflict inyour life.

[peachykeen]

You will be ok eventually. I don't want to go into details because it's
still hard, but I lost someone from my life that I loved very much seven
years ago. I still love him. I know where he lives, and could contact
him if I chose to. But I've also moved on, I'm married now, and have
children. I made a stupid mistake, and lost him because of it. I deal
with it every day, and miss him very much. Today is his birthday, as a
matter of fact. It's not easy, and the hurt lessens, but it doesn't go
completely away. You will get through it though, and be a much
stronger person as a result. Keep your chin up, and I'm free to chat if
you ever want to.

[samara's on tv]

Thanks you guys you're really helping me out right now. I just don't get her, and I don't get her parents. I wish there was something I could do to get her out of that house...to help her cut the cord from her mother. I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about her being in the hospital, you're right it's not my fault. But why can't she just make up her mind and see that she's only hurting herself by staying with her mom?


~Monica

[ph0bic]

Monica, I haven't read all the posts.


I have however suffered heartbreak in my life. So I'm going to give you my two cents. First and most importantly, is you can't "fix" anyone. If she is going to make a change, she's got to do it for herself. Even if you pull her out of her situation, it would only lead to resentment and more problems. It's got to be her choice.


But as a complete outsider, I wonder why you're putting yourself through this? I know you care about her. But who's left to care about you?


It seems like you're being blamed, pushed, pulled, and riding one heck of an emoitional rollercoaster. You do realise that she's not the last person that you're ever going to love. And she's not the last person that's ever going to love you?


I think it says a lot thatshe's in some hospital, you don't know where or why.And I'm assuming she's an adult, and has the choice to include you in this. If her parents had forbidden it, she still has a choice about that too.


Speaking from personal experiance, when things go south in a relationship, I tend to take all the guilt and blame, if I could have done better, helped more, loved more, ect.ButI am who I am, and hopefully someone will love me for that, not the coulda, woulda, shoulda's.


If by any chance, and again I don't know you, you'replaying the blame game, and you're star of theshow, stop it now. You sound like you need stability. And youdeserve it. So don't consume yourselfin the pain of whatwas, focus on the what will be's. If that is with her, or not, is totally up to you.Just don't cling to this if you don't logically think that you'll be happy dealing with her problems orfamily, for the rest of your lives.

[tayda]

I agree with eveyrone else.. but wanted to let you know I was reading. I think that everyone who has responded is right on with their responses. Learn to love and depend on yourself.. b/c u're the only one who you will ALWAYS have to rely on! You seem like a very nice young lady who is going through a very diffcult time right now.


Keep your head up, and keep going. THere is so much that life has to offer... and you deserve to experience it all. Don't get permanantly hung up on this one chick. There are plenty more in this world.. and you'll find yours.

[aguerra29]

Wow. What an emotional roller coaster. I have a few things I want to say, but I want to preface it by saying I in no way intend to offend or anger you.

When I was younger (late teens - early twenties) I was in a relationship that was filled with such turmoil on a daily basis. There was so much drama. I chose him over everything else in my life, including my family and friends. I could not see that he was not good for me (for a multitude of reasona we don't need to get into right now). I would pray every night and ask God for a sign. Something to show me what to do. God gave me signs everyday, I just chose to ignore them. It took God putting my now husband right in my face to see how immature and foolish I was being, caught up in this tumultous relationship.

Life is not supposed to be easy, but I know that it is not supposed to be so hard that you "Can't live without someone". If you and this girl are truly meant to be then it will work out. It sounds like she has her own problems she needs to work on first. She can't love you with her whole heart, until she loves herself. Noone can make her do that, but her. You have to let her go and trust that if you are supposed to be with her that it will work out.

I know your heart hurts, believe me I do. The pain will lessen each day, but you have to let her go. I know that is easier said than done. I know you can do it though. You don't want to be in a relationship filled with all that drama. If she is having "issues" with her parents, SHE needs to work them out. You, on the other hand, need to work on you. I'm sure you have you're own demons to beat - we all do.

Just believe that you will be ok without her. We will all be here for you whenever you want to talk and I'm sure you have whole lot of other friends that can see you through this as well.

I know that love is worth fighting for, but you can't do all the fighting on your own. Whatever Mare's issues are, she's got to get those in check before she can fight for you. Do you understand what I mean?

We will be here for you when you need us!

[samara's on tv]

Thanks you guys. I had a dream about her last night and it just made me more sad [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]. But you guys are right, I need to move on and forget about her. I love her and now she's gone. I really wish it was easy to forget someone and just move on but I can't just STOP loving her. I mean no matter what happens with her mother and father, I just can't STOP being in love. I know it'll take some time, I just wish it didn't hurt so bad.


~Monica

[beadgirl]

Monica---


When I broke up with this guy that I thought I was gonna marry... I made a decision to be selfish. and I dont mean bratty selfish but more of a "take care of me first" selfish. I dubbed it THE YEAR OF ME. I did things that made me happy or did things that I have wanted to do for a long time but never got a chance to or maybe he didn't want to do it... And ya know what? I was focusing on myself so much thaat I met the guy I'm with now and I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. I know what you're going through and I know I can say that every person on here has had their heart stomped on. Remember what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger! You'll be fine cause we all love ya!


Erika

[harmonygirl72]

Monica,


I want to add that I, too, know how you feel and how much it sucks. See my post from Sept...I think it was called "OT:Need Help on a Personal Issue". Oh, man, that sucked! It still hurts, but it was also the closure I needed to move on and now I have a wonderful boyfriend! Know that we are here for you if you need us. You can always find me on AIM!


MaryEdited by: harmonygirl72

[bexcelica]

Monica,


I am so sorry you're going through this. I know from what you posted and from when we talked that you realy care about her and that makes it so much harder. I think her parents are being complete a*holes. Why would you write something like that to anyone? Did they even think for one minute what kind of affect that type of letter would have on you? Putting all the blame on you? How do you know if she is even in the hospital, for all you know she could care as much as you do, but her parents put this block in between you guys. I am not saying to think that shes sitting there crying over you, but don't give up hope either. I know either way you'll be okay. You know my screenname if you want to talk.


Becky

[s0ccer_princess]

I agree with everything everyone has said, and certainly don't blame yourself. In fact it sounds more like her parents feel guilty and they're trying to offload the blame onto you to make themselves feel better.

Do you have a therapist? If so, you could bring it up with them, as they'll be used to dealing with relationships, and might be able to help and counsel you. Also, if you have any close friends you could try talking to them about it.

Did you reply to the message from her parents?Edited by: s0ccer_princess

[samara's on tv]

Once again, thanks guys. I remember a few years ago (When we stopped talking for the FIRST time) her mother got on Mare's screen name pretending to be Mare and she told me she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. Over that year that we were seperated I sent Mare a few letters (Snail Mail) and her mother ripped them up. I'm going to send Mare another letter this week. If it gets ripped up then I'll send another one, and another one, just like the Harry Potter movie, until ONE of them gets read. But you guys have been really helpful and I just wanted to let you know that.


~Monica

[gubba]

Can you find out what hospital she is in if she really is in one? You could send her a note there maybe.

[s0ccer_princess]

No problems, good luck!